Why Do We Need Healing?

We all react in different ways to our life experiences and these reactions become habitual.  For example providing that as a child we have experienced comfort when we have been frightened, as an adult we will naturally self-comfort or ask for comfort in a similar situation. In our bodies and ourselves we will immediately feel better. However if we weren’t comforted as a child our reaction will be the opposite – we will have no natural reaction to self comfort and will repel comfort from others.  In our bodies we will feel tense and out of sorts.  Somewhere within ourselves we hold the memory of an event that happened to us way back in our past. 

We need healing when we hold negative memories which block our ability to enjoy the positives in ourselves and our lives. 

To find out more about how could help you heal / move forwards in your life / find your purpose please go to Healing Sessions or Healing for Children

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Irlen Syndrome – The Meaning of Colour!

warmth dandelion

Most days I see a predominance of one or two coloured lights in the atmosphere. This can be any colour from the spectrum and it is a bit like an aura or a mist that is very subtle and changes all the other colours that I see.

All these new colours which may not blend well can confuse my brain, give me lots of nervous system symptoms and make me feel ungrounded.

When I can still pick up enough red in colour I feel ok but if I can’t pick up enough red I feel insecure. 

Seeing colours looking strange so much makes it harder for me to embrace colour. For instance I get tired of seeing green as too bright, too pale, too blue so I try to avoid green. I become anxious around green. And I become like this with other colours too – for me also yellow and orange. These are colours that have less red in them and seem more likely to disturb.

What Can I Do?

I make a decision to take each colour I see on face value and not to pre-judge! I make a decision to embrace colour as much as I can.  I recognise that colour nurtures me and that I need all the colours of the spectrum. I wear Irlen glasses (with coloured tints) and theses specifically help me to to see enough red in colours on those ‘funny colour’ days!

 

 

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Irlen Syndrome – What Colour are You Resisting and Why?

rainbow

I have been trying to understand my sensitivity to light and colour from many different angles (most of them scientific) but recently something has led me to think about it all from a more spiritual angle.

As I have been observing my Irlen syndrome symptoms over the last 7 months I have noticed that they correlate with me seeing a predominance of one coloured light in the atmosphere.  And also I seem to be experiencing symptoms in a specific area of my body – different for each coloured light.  So . . . in the summer when the light felt more blue to me, the symptoms were around my head and chest. But if it got stormy and there was a lot of cloud I would see the light as yellow and my symptoms would drop lower in my body and affect my mood. I have continued to study my reaction to coloured light and these are my findings so far:-

Red Light – I feel this in my lower abdomen and it makes me feel stronger in my legs.  I feel more secure and grounded but I can feel hot and agitated.

Orange Light – I feel this in my upper abdomen. It feels like strength and causes me to be more outspoken but I can feel a bit separate from other people

Green Light  – I feel this around my stomach. I struggle with green and I get indigestion and an itchy face.

Yellow Light – I feel this around my heart. I struggle with yellow and I feel down-hearted.

Blue – I feel this around my chest and throat. I can feel like I am all alone in the world.

Indigo – I feel strong and resolute but I can get headaches.

Violet – I feel this around my head. I think more clearly and find it easier to let go to my intuition but I can feel more easily overpowered and have a tendency to be impatient and don’t have much time for anything that doesn’t feel really meaningful.

Self Diagnosis

Based on my findings I can deduce certain things about myself . . .Red – I long to feel grounded and present in myself and love it when I do but maybe you can feel too grounded (stodgy!) and I need to let go of my grounded feeling into other aspects of myself to really feel fully present.  Orange – I am in touch with my creativity but long to collaborate with others more. Green – I struggle to really digest life in all its fullness. Yellow – I struggle to let in self acceptance and acceptance from others. Blue – I like to speak my truth but feel alone in what I have to say. Indigo – I trust my intuition as far I can but struggle to let go to the greater plan sometimes. Violet – I have faith in God but I don’t find living my calling easy!

This theory is obviously loosely based on the chakras but is also completely based on my  own experience.  Some of the areas of the body and colours don’t tally with those of the chakras. I don’t know why certain colours resonate with different areas of my body.

We all have our story to unfold. I just wanted to share my story. What is your story?

 

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Sensory Processing Disorder – The Prayer of The Highly Sensitive Child

Dear Mr God:  About My Heart

middle-back

My heart feels a bit empty sometimes. I can feel disappointed with myself. Life feels difficult and I seem to make other people’s lives difficult too. I am worried sometimes that I am not good enough and although I try my best I am scared that what I do – things like writing and drawing – may not be okay. I compare myself to other people a lot and often think that they are better than me. Please help me realise that I am good enough. Help me to receive praise and to let it into my heart. I think  that love is enough and that you just love me for who I am. I really like to give too. Giving makes me feel really good in my heart. Please give me ideas about how I can open up my big heart and give the love that is inside of me to my family, community and the wider world. 

Dear Mr God: About My Arms and Hands 

armsSometimes when I don’t have enough cuddles or spend enough time with special people my arms feel empty. Please teach me about intimacy and how closeness is so important. As I get older  I may not want so many cuddles but I know I will still like touch. Please help my Mum/Dad to remember to play wrestling with me and give me high fives. Hold me when I am sad and I don’t have anyone else to cuddle me. I want to be able to sleep by myself but please help Mum/Dad to understand that sometimes I need to feel  close to them to be able to relax enough to sleep. Show them how much I need to feel my connection with them as I feel my connection with you. 

Please help me to be ‘hands on’ with things. I know I am a bit cautious and sometimes hold back from playing with sand or paint or water but really I know that I need it and that it is one important way that I connect with the world. I don’t like touching all things but some things feel so good to me – the smooth bark on a tree, Mum’s furry coat, making dough, laying down in a grassy field. Help me work out what I like and what I don’t like and then me and Mum/Dad can really enjoy the things I like together. 

Dear Mr God: About My Shoulders

upper backMy shoulders feel a bit tight sometimes especially when I have been told off. Please help Mum/Dad to be gentle with me even when I have done something to displease them. When I get upset I feel so bad in my body and don’t feel I can breathe properly. It would help if they could use a gentle voice and not look scary even when they are not pleased with something I have done. Please teach me that I need a lot of support and help and that this is okay. 

 

Dear Mr God: About My Throat

throatSometimes my voice feels blocked. I know I have a big voice but I can’t seem to find it. I don’t like listening to other people that much. It just feels too much and that I can’t hear myself think and I can’t hear my own voice. I like it when I am the teacher and when I am the leader. Then I suddenly feel better and my voice gets bigger and I feel happier. I know I am a child so I can’t always teach and lead but if I can do it sometimes it helps. Please help Mum/Dad to have ideas for how I can teach and lead sometimes.

Please help me see that it is okay to ask for what I need. When we are out please help my Mum/Dad to be my advocate and tell other people that I am sensitive and sometimes need special things or to be treated in a particular way. Please also teach me to speak up for myself so I can become an advocate for other highly sensitive people.

Dear Mr God: About My Head and Neck 

headI don’t know yet really who I am like other children don’t know but sometimes I think I see clues about who I am. Please help Mum/Dad to listen when I try to tell them who I think I am and please help me find who I am and then equip me to be fully myself. 

 

 

 

Dear Mr God: About My Feet

feetMy feet feel stuck sometimes and like they don’t know what to do. They have no life in them. And then at other times I feel like I am not really on the ground – like my feet aren’t really contacting the ground at all. I want to feel like I am here on the earth and that I am safe. Please help Mum/Dad teach me about love because surely that is the biggest thing that we can experience. Help them teach me that my feet are rooted in love and about joy and peace too because these are my heart song. I live to feel love and joy and peace and so want other people to experience that too. I like mindfulness, and meditating is okay but really I want to know that I am always okay to be in the world. When I am meditating sometimes I feel I am in a blank space and I don’t like that. And then when I finish meditating I have to come back to the world which is funny as well – a shock somehow – like landing on earth with a bump. Really I would like to feel that I am okay all the time – safe all the time. Please help Mum/Dad show me that your love is enough to keep me safe. 

Dear Mr God: About my Upper Legs 

legsI sometimes don’t feel like I belong. I just feel too different. Please help me find my place. Show me that people are everywhere. They are in my family and then they come to the door with packages and we see them at the supermarket. There are people in the parks and in my group activities. Show me that people are all ages and all different and that it is good to just be part of the community. Help me find my confidence to talk to people, to say ‘Hi’ to the window cleaner or to ask the children at the park if I can play football with them. Please keep showing me that I will find my place if I just keep being part of community.

 

Dear Mr God: About My Lower Legs

legsI sometimes feel stuck in my life like other people are moving forward and I am not. Please help me see that moving forward isn’t about achievement and acquiring lots of things but that is about being open to the journey of my life. Help me see that we never really stand still and that just by getting up and getting involved in life I am moving forwards and growing up. 

 

 

Dear Mr God: About My Lower Back 

lower-backI sometimes feel a bit weak in what I believe. I am not sure about saying what I think and having an opinion. Being highly sensitive, life feels difficult and I feel things differently to other people. This means I probably think differently and I am scared sometimes to say what I think I know. Please help me to be strong in myself. Teach me that we are all unique and it is okay to be my own person with my own thoughts, beliefs and opinions. 

 

Dear Mr God: About My Middle Back 

middle backI don’t feel as strong as some other children. I seem to be more easily upset, bothered and frightened of things. Please teach me about vulnerability. I think vulnerability can be my strength. Although other people look tough I think it can be a mask and that really everyone has needs and feels weak sometimes. Please tell me that I have a very special gift because I have the desire to be authentic and fully myself.

 

 

Dear Mr God: About My Lower Abdomen  

lower-abdomenSometimes I just don’t know what to do to make myself feel okay. Please help me be creative. I don’t know how to do this because if I try to make something from a book or write someone else’s story or play someone else’s music I don’t feel too good. Please show my Mum/Dad that my creativity needs to come from deep within myself. Help them teach me how to look for inspiration in my life and the world around me on a daily basis. Help them show me the importance of my story.

Help me to try working with lots of different materials when I am being creative.  I really like the computer because it responds to me – a bit like another person really. Also the computer doesn’t mind me making mistakes. It just deletes them for me. I really need help to write my letters and draw something and use paint because I am frightened I don’t know the exact way to use these things and that I will make a mistake. Please show me that using my hands to make things and touching materials is a special experience that I need to feel good even though the materials may not be as responsive as a computer.

Dear Mr God: About My Upper Abdomen

upper-abdomenI sometimes don’t feel very powerful, when I feel unsure about myself and the situations I am in. Please help Mum/Dad show me that power isn’t about strength or control but it is really just about being myself. Please help me recognise the times when I am really being myself like when I am climbing trees with my friend or building a rocket on my special computer programme or helping Mum to make tea. 

 

 

Dear Mr God: About My Stomach:  

stomachSometimes I feel a bit empty as if I am continuously hungry for something. Please teach be about being content with what I have but always leaving a little bit of room for more. Help Mum/Dad teach me that the most important things are relationship, love, being creative and being true to myself because that is what I think you are showing me.

 

 

 

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Antibiotics or Talking about Connection? – My Choice!

jaw pain

I have had a hec of a Christmas!

Nearly every year I suffer with jaw pain at Christmas. It usually starts three weeks before Christmas and builds to some sort of crescendo around Christmas Day! Over the year I have named it Christmasitis!

And this year I planned an easy, no pressure, cosy little family Christmas. So how could it all go so wrong?

Because . . . I can only connect with myself in any moment of time and that means I could feel  anything. I might feel quiet, feisty, inspired, introspective, active, inactive, sociable or more insular. I might feel any way on Christmas Day!

And. . . I can’t pretend and I can’t act.

This year I was enjoying my simple, cosy little family Christmas in the first instance . . .or was I? I seem to remember in the morning I tidied out the entire games cupboard. I was deciding which coloured games were good for me at this time of year (as you do, or rather, as most people don’t do!) Then I remember having a little strop about having too many boxes in the hall and pleading with my husband to take some of them to the garage or put them in the loft! But oh no!  It was Christmas Day – How dare I have a little strop?!

By 2:00 my jaw pain was starting to develop on the right side of my face so I took some pain killers. By tea time I absolutely couldn’t eat. I didn’t sleep that night, took more pain killers  and the next day phoned the out of hours dentist. He suggested it could be a tooth infection or a sinus infection. We spent Boxing Day going to town for some antibiotics.

The thing is . . . I don’t really think I have an infection but I have never taken so many tablets in a couple of days. Usually I am wary when it comes to pain killers. But this time the pain has been different. It has been a deep emotional pain and at times I have cried real deep tears. I have just been willing to do anything to numb the terrible pain. But it isn’t really going and that is why I am writing this.

Because . . . It is OK to be myself, it is to ask for my needs and it is OK to speak my truth – on any day of the year! (even if it’s Christmas!)

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Sensory Processing – To Hide or to Be My Insecure Self in the World? – That is the Question!

looking through window

I have spent my whole life wondering why I have this tension in my body, I can’t always think straight and I feel sort of insecure a lot of the time. I have really worked my socks off to get to the bottom of this and I thought after 12 years of very intense therapy and working with my issues around the clock, that at least one morning I could get up and feel relaxed!

But no! It seems I was wrong! There is something more than issues or anxiety going on. And it is all about my senses and my difficulty with processing. I can find it difficult to process light, colour, sound, taste, touch, motion, temperature and mine and other people’s emotions.

So what do I do? Do I hide? Or do I take my insecure self out into the world?

Well, I’m done hiding! I’m done waiting until I feel sorted enough to make me feel worthy of being in the world. I’m done waiting for others to give me their nod of approval that says ‘Yes, You’re ok now, You’re good enough to be one of us!”  I’m even done waiting to feel secure enough to dare to step into the world.

I AM DONE WAITING!

I know I am quirky, I know I look tense, I know I can appear socially awkward, I know I can look insecure and scared. I know I can swing between seeming distant and a chatterbox.  I know I don’t seem like a teacher or a healer and certainly not a leader . . .

But I am . . . and I AM HERE!

 

 

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Sensory Processing – Integrating your Senses through the Right Side of Your Brain

 

supermarket 2

Today I suddenly realised why when we go out as a family I can get quite cross because no-one else is excited like me by simply being out. We drive along and I see the fields, the sheep, the hills, the sky . . . and I am excited! I start to chatter about them and no-one really responds. Today I got it  . . . no-one else is really feeling excited like me. My son has a visual processing problem so he is really struggling with everything he sees at the moment. And my husband . . . well, he might need a little more going on in the environment to get excited! I mean he might get the same excitement that I get from seeing the sky, from seeing Victoria Falls. I, of course, in such an environment, would be completely over-stimulated!

It is one of the gifts of being highly sensitive . . . feeling so easily excited, and one that I think we tend to forget to enjoy. We are too busy calling everything ‘over-stimulation.’ I love the fact that I can feel happy so easily. Admittedly I can feel miserable pretty easily too but I can usually find my happy place again. I live on this sort of emotional swing.

Another place I went today was a supermarket – a nice supermarket – Waitrose! As soon as I step in there I am usually feeling for the temperature. Anther thing I find difficult to process is temperature change. I walk straight past the freezer aisles to the warm spot amongst the biscuits and the cereals and there I loiter. Today I thought ‘Oh, why didn’t I wait in the car?’ because we had already been out to a medical appointment and sat in a children’s centre consulting room cram-packed with every colour imaginable! But then I decided to embrace the situation. I jigged about a bit to keep warm and focused on the task in hand. I felt the bustle of a supermarket before Christmas – people and trolleys and loads and loads of stuff. And then I thought ‘To me, this is like a theme park. I could actually find it exciting!’ And my next thought was ‘I shouldn’t consider this a shopping trip – it is just an experience. I should just let myself be wowed by the colours and the activity. I shouldn’t worry how I look to others.”  And at that point I relaxed and became warm. Even though I could feel hot and cold currents of air, I seemed to be able to integrate my experience of temperature.

As I find time and time again, as highly sensitive people, we experience the world the best when we can relax into the right side of our brain!

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A Highly Colour Sensitive Christmas!

snow light 3

For me colours are changing all the time. Sometimes they have life and sometimes they don’t.  And this is obviously a big problem at Christmas. This is my story this year . . .

I sorted through our Christmas decorations today and was shocked to realise that I struggle with the colour of most of them! With the orange light of this time of year, the reds all look funny to me and most of the golds look too orange and sort of heavy and dull. I always struggle with green so this year we are making a buff willow tree. I will post a picture if we ever get it together! I am keeping my shell decorations. I like the way the light shines through them. And I am keeping some baubles that are the right shade of gold and a bit glittery and to me have life in them. I’m keeping our buff coloured porcelain birds in hats and scarves that sit on the mantlepiece and I am keeping 2 white fluffy doves for our new willow tree! I am happy with my minimalist Christmas collection. I will be adding more things I truly love (and not just those I think I should like) over the years!!

My husband is amazed that I have never identified my problem with colour until now. To be honest, so am I! I have always wondered why I got so hot and stressed at Christmas when we decorated the house and opened the presents. I always couldn’t wait to clear all the boxes and wrapping away and then I tried to make sense of all the colour and clutter that was left behind. I would look at it and know that something was wrong but until this year I never knew what it was!

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My Funny Way of Seeing Light!

child praying

I have never understood until this year why I have so many days when I say “I feel funny today.” I say “I don’t feel right,” “I feel disconnected,” “I feel insecure” etc. I could never find the reason for the feeling. I had got up in the morning with the same expectations of life as yesterday but suddenly felt thwarted by ‘the funny feeling.’

Only this year I started to have an inkling that it had to do with my experience of light so I became a light watcher! Every day for 6 months I have studied my reaction to light. These are my findings in their simplest form.

Summer – There is a lot of blue light around and this can make me feel alone – like I am all alone in the world – but of course I’m not!

Autumn– There is a lot of green light around which can literally give me indigestion and make me feel out of sorts. There is a lot of red light around which can make me feel warm and safe or if there is too much, hot and agitated. There is a lot of yellow light around which can make me feel a bit down-hearted.

Winter – There is a lot of red light around which makes me feel good. There is a lot of orange light around which makes me feel a bit detached. It can be a good time to be bossy and outspoken as I don’t have a very good filter!

Spring – I haven’t been here yet. I am curious. I will keep you posted.

I know I am a bit strange seeing light like this. I mean today, (13th December) even beige is looking a little orange, but this is what I see. It helps to know why I have often said “I feel funny today!”

 

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Why Don’t We Teach Healing as a Craft?

J: What do you mean by healing through creativity?
Jennie: I mean that healing is a process.  Rather than being about shifting stuff and clearing the old it is more about transformation – like moulding a beautiful pot.
J: How do we heal creatively?
Jennie: By being self aware and observing our thoughts and feelings particularly the way that we react to people and situations in our life and then pondering on our reactions and asking for insight.
J: Could you give me an example?
Jennie: Today I was late for a therapy session and on my way there in the car I felt tension building in my arms and shoulders. I didn’t ignore or fight the sensations – I simply observed them and asked myself what I feeling emotionally.  I found that one moment I was feeling how important the session was and the next moment I was disassociating with my feelings.
J: What did you do next?
Jennie: I received insight that my symptoms were related to my feelings about having support. I could also see how the situation I found myself in that morning was bringing all these feelings to the surface?
J: What do you mean?
Jennie: Well, I’d only booked my therapy session the day before and in order to be able to go I had to have a lot of support. I needed my husband to drive me there, I had to find someone to look after my son before school,  I cancelled a dentist appointment, we all had to get up early and drive across town in the rush-hour! I knew this session was important but as the time grew closer I began to doubt more and more my right to have all the support I was having that morning. The doubt led to the symptoms
J: Where did this insight lead you?
Jennie: It became the basis of my therapy session and I was able to work through some of my feelings about receiving support.
J: So does healing through creativity mostly happen through self awareness and asking for insight?
Jennie: These things take people a long way but we also need to express our healing and we need an outlet for this.
J: Do you mean we need to talk about our process?
Jennie: Well sort of.  All creativity needs an outlet. There is no point in painting a picture and then putting it in a drawer. When I paint, write or create music, some of the work I do is my own personal journey but sometimes I want my work to be seen and heard. Healing is a craft or skill, something we can hone and be proud of.
J: Are you proud of your skill at healing?
Jennie: Yes, I am but I don’t think other people recognise it!
J: Why do think this is?
Jennie: Well, it is not a recognised skill. You can’t get a PhD in creative healing – well not yet anyway!  And some people think that is very self indulgent and that while you are choosing to heal you are not being much use in society.
J: Do you think this is true?
Jennie: No. I think if we are to heal others we have to heal ourselves first. The path of the healer certainly has a selfless quality.
J: Going back to what you said about expression, could you say more about this?
Jennie: Yes. I suppose when I have insights I am excited about them because healing is a passion.  I naturally want to share my insights with someone I think will understand them just as I might want to share a painting with someone who ‘gets’ my art.
J: Do you actually enjoy your own healing?
Jennie: This is an interesting question.  What has made it hardest to enjoy my healing has been my difficulty with receiving support and my difficulty with intimacy.  What I have enjoyed about my healing is seeing transformation at work in me.  In therapy this has led me through times of beautiful openness, rich closeness, feeling held, loved, cared about and this has been both enjoyable and deeply enriching.  Also there have been times of struggle, feeling pain and discomfort – emotional, mental and physical, times of feeling lost and helpless, times of uncertainty about the therapeutic relationship and feelings of deep and unsatisfied need.
J: Do you think the good feelings have out-weighed the difficult ones?
Jennie: I don’t think we can see it that way. If we are determined to heal we have to take the rough with the smooth.  Some phases may feel very bumpy and hard and others may feel a lot softer and kinder.
J: Do you think people need to share their journey and their insights to heal?
Jennie: I don’t think it is essential or the only way to work but I think it adds another dimension. I think if we can see healing as something exciting, dynamic and transformative it lifts us out of the mindset that healing is simply about working through and shifting stuff.
J: Do you think healing could be taught more as a skill?
Jennie: I think that would be amazing and it is definitely my life’s work!

 

 

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I’m Not Neurotypical and That’s OK!

Definition of Not Neuro-Typical: Individuals whose neurological pathology renders their sensory functioning, social skills and cognitive skills not typical.

who ia upside down

Go on – Celebrate Your Difference!

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