Why Do We Need Healing?

We all react in different ways to our life experiences and these reactions become habitual.  For example providing that as a child we have experienced comfort when we have been frightened, as an adult we will naturally self-comfort or ask for comfort in a similar situation. In our bodies and ourselves we will immediately feel better. However if we weren’t comforted as a child our reaction will be the opposite – we will have no natural reaction to self comfort and will repel comfort from others.  In our bodies we will feel tense and out of sorts.  Somewhere within ourselves we hold the memory of an event that happened to us way back in our past. 

We need healing when we hold negative memories which block our ability to enjoy the positives in ourselves and our lives. 

To find out more about how could help you heal / move forwards in your life / find your purpose please go to Healing Sessions or Healing for Children

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A Tetrachromat Christmas!

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Ok . . I haven’t been tested for tetrachromacy but I definitely see too many colours! And this is obviously a big problem at Christmas. This is my story this year . . .

I sorted through our Christmas decorations today and was shocked to realise that I struggle with the colour of most of them! With the orange light of this time of year, the reds all look funny to me and most of the golds look too orange and sort of heavy and dull. I always struggle with green so this year we are making a buff willow tree. I will post a picture if we ever get it together! I am keeping my shell decorations. I like the way the light shines through them. And I am keeping some baubles that are the right shade of gold and a bit glittery and to me have life in them. I’m keeping our buff coloured porcelain birds in hats and scarves that sit on the mantlepiece and I am keeping 2 white fluffy doves for our new willow tree! I am happy with my minimalist Christmas collection. I will be adding more things I truly love (and not just those I think I should like) over the years!!

My husband is amazed that I have never identified my problem with colour until now. To be honest, so am I! I have always wondered why I got so hot and stressed at Christmas when we decorated the house and opened the presents. I always couldn’t wait to clear all the boxes and wrapping away and then I tried to make sense of all the colour and clutter that was left behind. I would look at it and know that something was wrong but until this year I never knew what it was!

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My Funny Way of Seeing Light!

child praying

I have never understood until this year why I have so many days when I say “I feel funny today.” I say “I don’t feel right,” “I feel disconnected,” “I feel insecure” etc. I could never find the reason for the feeling. I had got up in the morning with the same expectations of life as yesterday but suddenly felt thwarted by ‘the funny feeling.’

Only this year I started to have an inkling that it had to do with my experience of light so I became a light watcher! Every day for 6 months I have studied my reaction to light. These are my findings in their simplest form.

Summer – There is a lot of blue light around and this can make me feel alone – like I am all alone in the world – but of course I’m not!

Autumn– There is a lot of green light around which can literally give me indigestion and make me feel out of sorts. There is a lot of red light around which can make me feel warm and safe or if there is too much, hot and agitated. There is a lot of yellow light around which can make me feel a bit down-hearted.

Winter – There is a lot of red light around which makes me feel good. There is a lot of orange light around which makes me feel a bit detached. It can be a good time to be bossy and outspoken as I don’t have a very good filter!

Spring – I haven’t been here yet. I am curious. I will keep you posted.

I know I am a bit strange seeing light like this. I mean today, (13th December) even beige is looking a little orange, but this is what I see. It helps to know why I have often said “I feel funny today!”

 

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Why Don’t We Teach Healing as a Craft?

J: What do you mean by healing through creativity?
Jennie: I mean that healing is a process.  Rather than being about shifting stuff and clearing the old it is more about transformation – like moulding a beautiful pot.
J: How do we heal creatively?
Jennie: By being self aware and observing our thoughts and feelings particularly the way that we react to people and situations in our life and then pondering on our reactions and asking for insight.
J: Could you give me an example?
Jennie: Today I was late for a therapy session and on my way there in the car I felt tension building in my arms and shoulders. I didn’t ignore or fight the sensations – I simply observed them and asked myself what I feeling emotionally.  I found that one moment I was feeling how important the session was and the next moment I was disassociating with my feelings.
J: What did you do next?
Jennie: I received insight that my symptoms were related to my feelings about having support. I could also see how the situation I found myself in that morning was bringing all these feelings to the surface?
J: What do you mean?
Jennie: Well, I’d only booked my therapy session the day before and in order to be able to go I had to have a lot of support. I needed my husband to drive me there, I had to find someone to look after my son before school,  I cancelled a dentist appointment, we all had to get up early and drive across town in the rush-hour! I knew this session was important but as the time grew closer I began to doubt more and more my right to have all the support I was having that morning. The doubt led to the symptoms
J: Where did this insight lead you?
Jennie: It became the basis of my therapy session and I was able to work through some of my feelings about receiving support.
J: So does healing through creativity mostly happen through self awareness and asking for insight?
Jennie: These things take people a long way but we also need to express our healing and we need an outlet for this.
J: Do you mean we need to talk about our process?
Jennie: Well sort of.  All creativity needs an outlet. There is no point in painting a picture and then putting it in a drawer. When I paint, write or create music, some of the work I do is my own personal journey but sometimes I want my work to be seen and heard. Healing is a craft or skill, something we can hone and be proud of.
J: Are you proud of your skill at healing?
Jennie: Yes, I am but I don’t think other people recognise it!
J: Why do think this is?
Jennie: Well, it is not a recognised skill. You can’t get a PhD in creative healing – well not yet anyway!  And some people think that is very self indulgent and that while you are choosing to heal you are not being much use in society.
J: Do you think this is true?
Jennie: No. I think if we are to heal others we have to heal ourselves first. The path of the healer certainly has a selfless quality.
J: Going back to what you said about expression, could you say more about this?
Jennie: Yes. I suppose when I have insights I am excited about them because healing is a passion.  I naturally want to share my insights with someone I think will understand them just as I might want to share a painting with someone who ‘gets’ my art.
J: Do you actually enjoy your own healing?
Jennie: This is an interesting question.  What has made it hardest to enjoy my healing has been my difficulty with receiving support and my difficulty with intimacy.  What I have enjoyed about my healing is seeing transformation at work in me.  In therapy this has led me through times of beautiful openness, rich closeness, feeling held, loved, cared about and this has been both enjoyable and deeply enriching.  Also there have been times of struggle, feeling pain and discomfort – emotional, mental and physical, times of feeling lost and helpless, times of uncertainty about the therapeutic relationship and feelings of deep and unsatisfied need.
J: Do you think the good feelings have out-weighed the difficult ones?
Jennie: I don’t think we can see it that way. If we are determined to heal we have to take the rough with the smooth.  Some phases may feel very bumpy and hard and others may feel a lot softer and kinder.
J: Do you think people need to share their journey and their insights to heal?
Jennie: I don’t think it is essential or the only way to work but I think it adds another dimension. I think if we can see healing as something exciting, dynamic and transformative it lifts us out of the mindset that healing is simply about working through and shifting stuff.
J: Do you think healing could be taught more as a skill?
Jennie: I think that would be amazing and it is definitely my life’s work!

 

 

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I’m Not Neurotypical and That’s OK!

Definition of Not Neuro-Typical: Individuals whose neurological pathology renders their sensory functioning, social skills and cognitive skills not typical.

who ia upside down

Go on – Celebrate Your Difference!

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Irlen Syndrome & The Right Kind of Luminescence!

Special-Needs-Sleep

The night before last I was woken by the glare from my duvet . . yes, the glare from my duvet! And when I say ‘woken’ I don’t mean I lay there and thought ‘Hmm, my duvet is bright tonight!’ No, my heart was beating like it would beat out of my chest, my abdomen went tight and I felt like my very life-force was being wrung out of me. This isn’t a one-off occurence. This has been happening every night for 8 years and I have called these happenings ‘night panics.’

Last night, I thought I would investigate more so I started by having a darker duvet. This would seem like an obvious solution except it wasn’t. I went to sleep feeling the duvet was fine but woke with a similar experience to the night before but this time felt convinced that the duvet was ‘too dark!’. I felt like I was being pulled into the darkness and threw the duvet back and tried to get it out of my line of vision. 

I am learning that the solution to my ‘night panics’ is all about trying to find the right kind of luminescence. When the night is clear I need a brighter duvet cover and when the night is cloudy I need a bit less luminescence. If the cloud is thick then I need a dark duvet. It seems that although the cloud my prevent light from the moon, it has it’s own light and this even varies depending on the colour of the cloud. I find the same thing in the day time. The brighter the day the more luminescent my clothing needs to be so now I tend to wear white tops on sunny days and darker tops on cloudy days. 

I don’t fully understand this unusual experience of mine except I am aware that one of my eyes is sensitive to both light and dark. It is always telling me something is too light, bright or dark. And my brain becomes confused.  I am also aware that I experience energy in colour and where others my choose clothes that look nice and are on trend, I am always looking for a feeling of energy – life, a vibrancy – and I seem to always find it hiding in the right kind of luminescence!

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Colour Sensitivity – Are You a Tetrachromat?

umbrela

Hi, Is there anyone else out there who thinks they might be a tetrachromat? Apparently 12% of women are supposed to have a 4th cone in their eye. This means they see a lot more colours than other people and tend to see more than one colour in a colour. They usually have a very good memory for colour and find it hard to find things that match.

I think I might be a Very Highly Sensitive Tetrachromat! I struggle with my very colourful visual world. I can see colour in colour and can never find the colour of clothing I want that is in my head.

My Irlens glasses help me blend light and dark in colour and manage my intense experience of light changing colour through the day and the seasons. They help things to be more balanced for me. And maybe in time they will allow me to enjoy my tetrachomacy gift more.

Tetrachromacy doesn’t make me an artist though, as it does others. My feelings about colour are all too confusing. But I think it makes me a healer. I use my special eyes to see beyond the colour of a person’s clothes and the substance of their physique to the person themselves – their energy.

What gift does your light and colour sensitivity lead you to?

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Irlen Syndrome – Be and See the Light!

candle

Irlen Syndrome – If we are not at one with the light we can’t shine!

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Sensory Processing Disorder – There may be no diagnosis but it is Real!

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Today I needed to book an appointment for my son to see a dietician. When I realised that I had to go to floor 10 – the top floor of our local hospital – I broke down into tears.

Last time I had to go to the top floor of the hospital  I used the stairs because I don’t like lifts. As my husband and son needed to use the lift I asked someone to accompany me but I didn’t feel they understood my anxiety which made me feel worse.  

And what was my anxiety that day?  Was it the about light? Was it about the colour? Was it the echo of people’s feet and voices down the stairwell? Was it the feel of the cold hard walls? Was it the feeling of turning round and round too often for my brain? 

Or was it all of these mixed together and compacted into one big package of extreme sensory overload?

I think it was and this is why the memory of this day made me cry.

I wanted a way out so I asked my son how he felt about going back to the hospital? I was secretly hoping for an “I’m not going back to that place!” but instead he said “Oh yes, I think it will be fine.” Now I was on my own. I couldn’t phone up the hospital and say that my son had anxiety and needed help. I would have to own my anxiety.

After much procrastination I took the bull by the horns and phoned the dietician back and said those liberating words “I have a processing problem.” I explained I didn’t like lifts or stairs. The dietician was fine about this, even though I detected faint surprise in her voice! She simply said she would refer us to the community dietician who could visit us at home or a GP’s surgery

I felt 10 feet tall. I had faced my greatest fear and admitted my greatest need. I didn’t feel silly. After all who can say how the brain of another person makes them feel when they are on the 10th floor of a building? Who? Nobody.

So next time you don’t want to look silly and admit your greatest need, remember not to use anyone else as an excuse, to be brave and stand up for the hidden no-diagnosis condition which is Sensory Processing Disorder!

 

 

 

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Highly Sensitives and Seeing the World Softly!

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Since my diagnosis of Irlen Syndrome (extreme light sensitivity) I have not always been able to find those ‘just right’ glasses to wear. Sometimes colours still bother me and sometimes my slight lack of binocular vision bothers me. And in the dimmer light of autumn and winter it seems harder in some ways than in the bright light of spring and summer. It seems the less my glasses have to correct the less well they work!

So today I thought I would try my old prescription glasses that have a prism in the right eye to correct alignment. I had worn then for about 10 minutes the other day and they had corrected everything . . .for 10 minutes! I put them on this morning in a slightly dimmer light than last time and everything looked crisp but I didn’t feel right. It was like watching high definition television which I always refuse to watch! It was as if there was no softness. Although things were more in line they had less relationship with each other. There were no dots to join up. They had all been joined up for me.

I took off my prescription glasses and saw the softness again.  I wonder if my eyes like having to make sense of the world on a daily basis. it keeps them alive and wondering. I take nothing for granted. And on days when the light is perfect for me (looking through or not looking through my Irlen lenses) I see it clearly in all its beauty, and the softness I see wraps around me like a big snuggly blanket.

When we see the world softly it is amazing what we see.

When we hear the world softly it is amazing what we hear

When we feel the world softly is it incredible what we feel!

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When You Can’t Blend the Light with the Dark.

intensity

As I said on my last post I have discovered that I have a visual processing problem where my right eye is struggling to blend light and dark.

On days when there is lots of bright white cloud I tend to think my most negative thoughts. They seem to just be there waiting at the door and it is harder to say ‘No’ to them.

It feels as if the light is illuminating the dark. I feel open to the dark but unable to enjoy the light.

 

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