Some Days I Feel Way Too Much

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This is a sequel to my previous post ‘Some Days I Just Don’t Feel Much’

Some days I feel way too much. I get up in the morning and immediately I feel emotional. This morning I felt emotional when I couldn’t find my lists on the Waitrose website! I can feel emotional just trying to choose whether I should write an e-mail or put the washing on first!

I feel everything more sensory-wise too. I noticed the softness of the water on my hands when I washed them this morning. I noticed how hard my sandals felt on my feet. The car seemed to be faster and bumpier than usual and the hygienist (which was my destination) – well don’t get me started . . .!

On days like today my head seems to whir with thoughts and my heart seems to buzz with feelings. When I talk to people I want to express so much and suddenly realise the limitation of words. When I have spoken to people I think of how our conversation could have been more meaningful or how I could have been more transparent.  Nothing seems to satisfy my intense desire for connection. My husband can give my a demonstrative squeeze but seconds later that feeling has gone – blown away on the wind.

My Theory

Just as much as seeing less yellow light can cause me to feel less, my perception of seeing more yellow light can cause me to feel deep deep feeling. It could be that I perceive more yellow light or it could be that I perceive less of other frequencies such as red,  and relatively yellow seems more intense.

What Do I Do?

Firstly I accept my deep feeling self

Then I do anything that satisfies my need to feel deeply, recognising that this isn’t always easy especially if you really need to make a Waitrose order! This is why I was looking for my lists – because I wanted to engage more deeply with our family’s needs. I knew this would make me happier than just randomly shopping or shopping with a list.

And most importantly I trust that I am giving and receiving enough even though it doesn’t feel that way. I accept that the insatiable hunger for emotional connection is a sense – a feeling. My feeling of unsatisfied need today is not the truth.

The truth is that I am enough and I have enough and that my heart is the wellspring of life always. 

 

Some Days I Just Don’t Feel Much

 

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Some days I just don’t feel much. I wouldn’t say I was depressed because depression probably leads us to cut ourselves off from the world and our loved ones. I still very much connected with most of myself and the world.

But on days like this I look at my husband and think “Hmm, is this the man I married?” or I look at our home and think “Hmm, did we really paint the kitchen that colour white?” Everything seems to be questionable which makes it a terrible day for making any big decisions! It is all questionable because I just can’t feel things with my heart as I usually can.

Why is this?

Well, being a lightwatcher,  my theory is that it has to do with my perception of yellow light. On the days when I perceive less yellow light, I feel less.

What do I do About It?

Well, it gives me the opportunity to try out my capacity to trust. I have to live sort of blindly feeling-wise. I have a bath and have to trust the water is making me feel good. I eat a snack and have to trust my choice is right for that moment. I open my mouth to speak and have to trust that the ‘right’ words come out for the situation.

The hardest thing is not really ‘feeling’ my relationship with those close to me. I tend to think they are being off with me or abrupt or uncaring. However they haven’t changed. It is only me that has changed. So I have to trust their every intention to be good and have to notice their smile and the touch of their hand even if I don’t feel it.

Most of all I have to trust that I am loved. 

 

 

The Red Light Blue Light Diet

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I have spent most of my life trying to find the perfect diet for myself but it definitely doesn’t exist.

So I started to study the eating habits of myself, my son and my husband. My son is  a ‘red light’ person, I am ‘a blue light’ person and my husband is a ‘mixed red and blue light’ person.

What is a Red Light Person?

Usually people who perceive more red light than blue light in the atmosphere are practical, logical people. They like to understand how things work. They like to use their head and sometimes forget to come from a heart place. They see the world in black and white and are quick to find solutions to problems.  They can be quite un- grounded people without the mix of blue.

What is a Blue Light Person?

Usually people who perceive more blue light than red light are intuitive people who have a creative temperament. They enjoy ideas and feelings without always feeling the need to understand everything. They are very heart and feeling centred and don’t feel so comfortable using the logical analytical part of their brain unless there is some emotional connection. They see the world in multi colour and are more interested in making connections between ideas, thoughts and feelings than in finding solutions. They can be quite ungrounded people without the mix of red.

My Family

Me

I am definitely more of a blue light person most of the time. I have my head in the clouds thinking bizarre and crazy thoughts like this post!

My Diet

I need to eat food that calms my zingy energy.

I eat sourdough bread which feels so calming to my gut. I eat dark chocolate which feels so soothing to my soul! I do watch my fructans and eat only vegetables that feel right for me. I eat sheep’s cheese that again feels more calming than cows dairy. I only eat a little cooked fruit (like orange in a beef stir-fry) I don’t eat raw fruit because it feels too energetic. I can feel it right through my body to my toes but it is not a good feeling after the initial euphoria and it seems to disturb my system. The only raw veg I eat are leaves sometimes. I find meat and fish fine to digest but don’t really do nuts and pulses. I eat oats in oat biscuits but don’t have any other cake or biscuits as the sugar feels too much for my sensitive system. I drink a little juice – again for my soul! I like crunchy food most of the time but when I perceive the light as more red I do start to crave softer food.

My Son

My son is definitely a red light person most of the time. He likes to think logically and rationally and likes to find right answers to things.

My Son’s Diet

My son needs to eat food to stimulate his energy but not overstimulate it. It has a ‘neutralising feel to it’

He finds sourdough bread has a sleepy energy and prefers ‘normal’ wheat bread. He also like gluten free grains – rice-cakes and corn-cakes and tortilla chips. He doesn’t like chocolate or sweets! He also has to watch his fructans and doesn’t get on well with much sugar. All dairy feels ‘wrong’ for his gut and he is a soy boy (!) favouring soya milk and yoghurt. Fruit seems to upset his sensitive gut too and he has to choose his vegetables carefully. He is fine digesting meat and fish and possibly nuts. He likes hotter softer food like rice and oat porridge and he also likes really meaty soups like oxtail. He eats softer food most of the year and very rarely craves crunchy food.

My Husband

My husband is a mixed red light and blue light person. He is very grounded and practical. He is also very much an ideas person liking to think outside of the box.

My Husband’s Diet

He will pretty well eat anything on any day at any time of the year. He will eat ‘normal’ wheat bread and sourdough. He likes chocolate in small quantities which would not constitute a craving. He eats any dairy, all fruit, all vegetables, meat, fish, nuts, pulses, biscuits and cake! He will be happy eating salad in the winter or a curry in summer or a pasty on any day of the year! He has his preferences but he is not disturbed or stimulated by food in the same way as me and my son are.

So that is the story of our family’s diet. You can imagine how complicated it is trying to plan meals every week!

How about you? Do you think you are more of a blue light person or a red light person? Or are you a mixture? If you notice any interesting things about your food choices I would love to hear from you.

To read more about my theories of how we perceive coloured light-waves and about how this experience affects us in our daily living please see my book:

‘I Can’t Sit on That Red Chair – The Relationship Between Sensory Processing Difficulties and colour Sensitivity’

No Tomatoes in Late May Please!

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How the light is every day changes my taste, my desire to eat certain textures and also temperature.

At some point in May I always see a burst of more red light. As the light is quite bright I already see the medium and higher light-waves more strongly so the light can appear more balanced to me until the blue starts to dominate in June and the red drops off again.

Seeing the nice red light yesterday I thought “Yum, I can eat tomatoes today!” I looked at the tomatoes and the red appeared fine. I cut the tomatoes and put some olive oil and seasoning on as I usually do and the tomatoes didn’t appear so fine. They seemed to be jumping off the plate with energy! I gave them a good hard stare and thought “Hmm, is this energy I want in myself?” I looked at the other things on my plate – the marinaded pork and new potatoes and thought how calm they looked.  “Are they boringly calm?” I thought ” Could I spice things up a bit with the very energetic tomatoes?” “Could I blend the energies?” Well, I gave it a try – but unfortunately to my peril!!

An hour or so later I had that bloated feeling that I might get if I had yeast or too much sugar. Now I know tomatoes could have mold on them but somehow I knew it was the energy. It was not a match for me. I had no other gut symptoms but I did have a headache. I had felt similar to when the postman turns up in her orange high viz jacket. Something pulls me to look at the brightness but I know it is not a match so I hide my eyes. Well, I should have left the tomatoes in the fridge and saved myself some pain and angst but it is a long learning curve when it comes to energy and food.

As if it is not enough to have to eat by colour and texture!  Oh no – I need to eat by energy as well and especially as we approach the middle of summer when the light is at its brightest.

So what are you eating this summer? Can you see the energy of your food or can your sensitive child? Is the energy a match or is it a mismatch? 

I Connect when I…

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I connect when I:-

Look out of the window and see that the light is more blue than yesterday today

Choose my blue trousers that have a hint of green in them to match the light

Hear the bath water gurgling down the plughole and decide that sound is OK

Put my socks on before my trousers because my ankles like it better that way

Feel the crunch of my Nairns ginger biscuits pleasingly in my mouth

Smell the fresh scent of summer in the mint with the potatoes cooking at lunchtime

Listen to and honour my inner child and follow her wherever she want to go

Listen to others, tell my story and ask for my needs

Listen out for guidance in the form of a voice, a feeling, a sense or sensation to help me through my day.

And that is enough!

 

 

 

Highly Sensitives – Your Answers are in the Lightwaves!

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Because I understand my relationship with the light, I know everything I need to know about my sensitive self in every moment of every day.

I know:-

What colour to wear

What food to eat

What sounds to listen to or avoid

What textures to enjoy or avoid

Where to go

Who to spend time with or not spend time with

What to do or not do

And that is an amazing way to live

Go on – become a Lightwatcher!

 

 

Being Highly Sensitive – Our Greatest Challenge

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Being Highly Sensitive challenges us to connect with ourselves and our environment in a way that is uniquely right just for us.