The Visionary – A Poem

 

visionary geese

The visionary wakes in February

When the violet light is bright

In March she feels overly grounded

As the red light of winter holds onto its strength

In April she nearly goes to sleep

With the intensity of yellow and green

But in May she comes to life a little

As she sees blue and violet come onto her radar

In June she struggles with the brightness

But has plenty of creative energy.

In July she feels the wane of summer

But still likes being outward and creative

In August she starts to mourn the loss of blue

As red again takes more precedence

In September she struggles to know what to do

As one minute it is red and the next more blue

In October there is a burst of yellow

And a need for homeliness prevails

In November blue seems to reappear

But a starker version of summer

In December the light is more red and orange

And it is best to be tucked up at home

And in January there is a hint of the wonder

Of the blue and violet to come.

 

 

 

 

Sensory Processing – To Hide or to Be My Insecure Self in the World? – That is the Question!

looking through window

I have spent my whole life wondering why I have this tension in my body, I can’t always think straight and I feel sort of insecure a lot of the time. I have really worked my socks off to get to the bottom of this and I thought after 12 years of very intense therapy and working with my issues around the clock, that at least one morning I could get up and feel relaxed!

But no! It seems I was wrong! There is something more than issues or anxiety going on. And it is all about my senses and my difficulty with processing. I can find it difficult to process light, colour, sound, taste, touch, motion, temperature and mine and other people’s emotions.

So what do I do? Do I hide? Or do I take my insecure self out into the world?

Well, I’m done hiding! I’m done waiting until I feel sorted enough to make me feel worthy of being in the world. I’m done waiting for others to give me their nod of approval that says ‘Yes, You’re ok now, You’re good enough to be one of us!”  I’m even done waiting to feel secure enough to dare to step into the world.

I AM DONE WAITING!

I know I am quirky, I know I look tense, I know I can appear socially awkward, I know I can look insecure and scared. I know I can swing between seeming distant and a chatterbox.  I know I don’t seem like a teacher or a healer and certainly not a leader . . .

But I am . . . and I AM HERE!