The Blue Light of Surrender

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It’s June and I thought June was about lunches at the garden and picnics at the beach but not always for me.

The Light

As a light-watcher my perception is that June can be a bit too blue! I go off my green veggies and brown meat and feel glad this year that our home is neutral and that I don’t have to do my usual trick of taking pictures off the wall and removing patterned table-cloths!

How Do I Feel?

I am finding it hard to feel connected to myself or anyone or anything. My defualt position is to just try to carry on with life and in the most part shut people out. When there is less yellow light I can feel detached too but that is a different type of detachment. I still seem to find it easy to trust that the connection is there. In the blue light, though, that trust is wavering.

I Feel Lonely

I feel as if I am the only person in the world right now.

I Feel my Pain

I feel all the pain that I haven’t been feeling the rest of year about being me and having all my ridiculous sensitivities and I feel it really head on. Usually I am incredibly positive and can always squeeze out the best in a difficult situation but right now I am struggling with this.

I Hate Asking for Help

I hate asking for help at the best of times but right now I really hate asking for help. It is as if those words “Please . . . ” grate on me and it is hard to get them out. Perceiving less red light I just don’t feel so secure in relationship and it is really hard to trust that someone wants to help me.

What Do I Do?

I have to dig even deeper into my ‘spiritual’ resource. If I can’t find what I need at the surface then this is where I go. I wonder what spiritual quality I need to help me through this time. And the word that keeps coming to me is ‘surrender.’

I need to surrender because I just can’t work it all out and make it all fine at the moment. I need to remember that ultimately I am not in control – God is.

The Visionary – A Poem

 

visionary geese

The visionary wakes in February

When the violet light is bright

In March she feels overly grounded

As the red light of winter holds onto its strength

In April she nearly goes to sleep

With the intensity of yellow and green

But in May she comes to life a little

As she sees blue and violet come onto her radar

In June she struggles with the brightness

But has plenty of creative energy.

In July she feels the wane of summer

But still likes being outward and creative

In August she starts to mourn the loss of blue

As red again takes more precedence

In September she struggles to know what to do

As one minute it is red and the next more blue

In October there is a burst of yellow

And a need for homeliness prevails

In November blue seems to reappear

But a starker version of summer

In December the light is more red and orange

And it is best to be tucked up at home

And in January there is a hint of the wonder

Of the blue and violet to come.