Today, I went to a music festival with my husband and 14 year old son. We had agreed to go and have a look around, play a piece of music on our whistles and keyboard, have a pub lunch and come home.
When we arrived at the sea front where there were a few buskers dotted around up the prom, my son looked forlorn. In fact he had looked forlorn for the entire walk from the car through a beautiful park. When I asked him what was wrong, he said “I don’t belong here”. He went on to say that this was because he had no purpose. I pointed out that only 5% of people there had instruments and the rest of the people were just the general public. I told him that being him in that place was enough. His mood lightened a little but he was clearly not convinced.
We went back to the park, where my son opened up more, saying that there was no purpose for his existence. It was heart breaking to hear and yet I understood exactly what was behind those words. It was the feeling that I had as a child, a feeling I have had as an adult, of being displaced and detached from everything and everyone around you.
I convinced my son of all of his qualities, all his gifts and all the purpose that he has in his life. Then I addressed the feelings. I know that at the root of the feelings are undetected eye phorias. I know this because today I was wearing a pair of glasses prescribed by myself with just the right strength and direction of prism in to make me feel OK.
And I felt beyond OK. I was calm in the face of all the difficulties, having to give several wellbeing lectures along the way with people around me, and when we got to the pub and they had run out of gammon and chicken (my goto meals) I just refused anything else and ate the sourdough sandwich in my bag. The point is that I wasn’t angry with anyone or anything, because I felt that I belonged. I had a right to be there and a right to have my needs. I understand now why in the past I have got angry and upset if things didn’t run smoothly. It was all because I didn’t feel I belonged.
If you or someone you know are struggling with depression or negative feelings, it could be as simple as a feeling that you/they don’t belong. And the answer could be simple too. You just need to find your so far undetected eye phorias and then you/they will see the world through a whole new lens.
Phorias and Not Feeling Part of Anything