I can see too much red in the autumn and winter and too much blue in the middle of summer. Spring is only time when I feel I might be seeing the right amount of blue for my brain to be able to relax.
When I see the blue light of spring though, the light is starting to get brighter and my first instinct is to hide myself away. I think I can’t ‘do’ the brightness. But the brightness knocks away on the door of my heart asking to come in. I know really that this particular blue light of spring has enormous energy and power contained in it for me. I feel if I don’t do my best to harness it I might go crazy!
I hope you enjoy my loop. The pictures that I have chosen take you on little journeys we have been on as a family in our endeavour to face the blue light!
My son is 11 and has a lot of sensory processing issues, his most challenging ones being visual and sound. When we go to see doctors, paediatricians and occupational therapists no-one knows how to help us. They don’t seem to have seen this type of sensitivity before (especially the visual processing) and they don’t seem to have seen sensitivity outside of autism.
So . . . where do they refer us? Autism testing.
I told my son about the assessment and he was quite indignant that he didn’t want to be mis-diagnosed as having autism and so he he wrote a letter to the doctor.
I am Luca and I am 11. I have an appointment to come and see you and Mum and Dad say it is about behaviour and autism.
I don’t think it will help me to come to be assessed because I think lots of people are being mis-diagnosed with autism when really they are colour sensitive.
I am sensitive to colour and pattern. I see colour and pattern different to other people. And it makes my brain do funny things. I can’t think very straight when I am in a room of a particular colour. And when people show me things on paper or on the screen I might not be able to process them. Or when people ask me questions I might not feel well enough or have enough energy to answer them. I don’t even like looking at people’s faces much or do eye contact because of the colour and patterns on people’s faces.
When I am in a room of the right colour which is really a type of white, I can concentrate much better but I might still struggle if the light outside doesn’t feel right for me or if it is sunny or if there is a blue sky.
When I go for appointments to see doctors I feel like I can’t really be me. My Mum has to speak for me and I feel trapped by the colours in the room and on people’s clothes. I can’t really show people who I am.
I don’t really mind being assessed for behaviour things or autism but I am not happy to be assessed in a place that is not right for me and then get mis-diagnosed. I feel at my best in December when the light is dim, after dark and in my house which is all neutral colours and patterns.
My Mum helped me write this letter because of my processing problem.
I hope you understand and take me seriously,
Heavy energy Vibrant energy
What is Proproception?
Proprioception is the ability to feel our connection with the world around us – whether that is the chair we are sitting on or the pair of scissors we are cutting with. Or is it? Could it run a lot deeper than that? Could it actually be rooted in our connection or disconnection with ourselves?
My son who is 11 and I both have proprioception problems (in terms of struggling to feel our connection with the physical world) but we both reject standard forms of therapy such as lifting weights or pushing ourselves against a wall. if we try these things we find we actually feel worse. On a deeper level we seem to feel an emptiness and feel more disconnected than ever.
So what should we do?
We need to find a different way to feel connected. We need to stop being too concerned about the strange feelings of our struggle with proprioception and find better feelings. And the better feelings are always about connecting with ourselves. And they are always 3 things:
Connecting with our voices
Connecting with our hearts
Connecting with our power to be ourselves.
And when we do that there are things that we enjoy more than anything else and that fill us to the brim more than anything else and these are RELATIONSHIP and CREATIVITY.
When we are spending time with someone we find warm, engaging and interesting and are actively contributing to that experience we feel GOOD
When we tune into our intuition and do something creative straight from our hearts we feel GOOD.
So . . .push against a wall or connect with your passion? . . . YOUR CHOICE!
Wow – the fog today!
Here in Somerset UK this is what it is like outside my window. My 11 year old son kindly took this photo for me with his new action camera.
Although it is thick cloud, the light appears almost luminescent and violet. It reminds me a bit of the feeling I have when we have frost or snow. There is a powerful sense of white. And all the blues and violets around me feel very strong – as if there is too much energy in them.
How you might feel:
Full of ideas but finding it hard to formulate them.
Full of energy but struggling to find what to put it into.
Stay close to community whether that is family or the larger community.
Enjoy your powerful feelings even though it may feel difficult to harness them and utilise them.
Trust in your connection with God, yourself and all things and don’t worry about your fuzzy brain!