Today, I went to a music festival with my husband and 14 year old son. We had agreed to go and have a look around, play a piece of music on our whistles and keyboard, have a pub lunch and come home.
When we arrived at the sea front where there were a few buskers dotted around up the prom, my son looked forlorn. In fact he had looked forlorn for the entire walk from the car through a beautiful park. When I asked him what was wrong, he said “I don’t belong here”. He went on to say that this was because he had no purpose. I pointed out that only 5% of people there had instruments and the rest of the people were just the general public. I told him that being him in that place was enough. His mood lightened a little but he was clearly not convinced.
We went back to the park, where my son opened up more, saying that there was no purpose for his existence. It was heart breaking to hear and yet I understood exactly what was behind those words. It was the feeling that I had as a child, a feeling I have had as an adult, of being displaced and detached from everything and everyone around you.
I convinced my son of all of his qualities, all his gifts and all the purpose that he has in his life. Then I addressed the feelings. I know that at the root of the feelings are undetected eye phorias. I know this because today I was wearing a pair of glasses prescribed by myself with just the right strength and direction of prism in to make me feel OK.
And I felt beyond OK. I was calm in the face of all the difficulties, having to give several wellbeing lectures along the way with people around me, and when we got to the pub and they had run out of gammon and chicken (my goto meals) I just refused anything else and ate the sourdough sandwich in my bag. The point is that I wasn’t angry with anyone or anything, because I felt that I belonged. I had a right to be there and a right to have my needs. I understand now why in the past I have got angry and upset if things didn’t run smoothly. It was all because I didn’t feel I belonged.
If you or someone you know are struggling with depression or negative feelings, it could be as simple as a feeling that you/they don’t belong. And the answer could be simple too. You just need to find your so far undetected eye phorias and then you/they will see the world through a whole new lens.
Phorias and Not Feeling Part of Anything
Help with Your Vision FAQ’s
Phoria sensitivity occurs when you are sensitive to your eye-gaze. Your gaze may not be comfortable at the point where you are choosing to look, so it moves somewhere else!
I have lived with undetected phorias for most of my life and only just discovered them. I felt there was something wrong but couldn’t work out what it was. I have been seen as a hands off, nervous person who stands on the outside of situations and doesn’t get involved. In fact at some point during my journey, I realised that I had a big issue with involvement. As a result I did everything I could to be more involved with my life and other people. But this way of living had huge limitations for me. The more involved I got with my life, the more exhausted I became. And I ended up choosing the health of my nervous system over more involvement.
I have missed so many opportunities to be part of community and at the moment I am feeling sad about this. I wouldn’t say I am from a super close family but most members have stayed in touch and met up for special occasions. Most of the time I wasn’t there. I haven’t stayed in touch with friends or family friends.
I didn’t know why I was like this. I see myself as a friendly person and an open book. But I just didn’t have the energy needed to be part of something. My phorias made me feel that I was always being divided from myself. My vision, sound, temperature, food textures, touch, smell, taste, all felt like they had parts missing. How could I be part of something, feeling like a divided person?
Now I get it! GOOD VISUAL FOCUS is the answer. GOOD BINOCULAR VISION is the key. Now I have these things, for the first time, I feel that I could be part of something!
Help with Your Vision FAQ’s
Yes, I do have 100+ pairs of glasses (most of those with one or two direction of prism) but that doesn’t mean that you will need all those pairs. I am on the unusual end of unusual!! I have found myself to have 40 phorias. (misdirected eye gaze.) That is 40 different combinations of eye gaze between my two eyes. The most phorias anyone can have are 81!
I am a musician and have always found it easy to remember notes, scales, chords and tunes. In the same way I can remember all of my phorias, and quickly work them out from all 8 directions of gaze in each eye, and choose the right pair of glasses.
And when I choose the right pair of glasses . . . it is AMAZING! I feel so much more centred and calm and so much more resilient when it comes to my sensitivities. Essentially I can LIVE my LIFE whereas previously I was merely surviving.
For anyone with sensitivities that stop them living life to the full, I strongly suggest you check out your phorias. You may just find the answer you have been searching for.
About PhoriasHelp with Your Vision FAQ’s
Yes, as much as anyone can ride a bicycle, knit a jumper or bake a cake, anyone can work with their phorias. It is not like going to the see the optician or optometrist, though, where things are done for you and results are presented to you. It is a skill that takes a level of self awareness and needs to be learnt over time. The skill of working with your phorias requires you to be curious about your relationship with your eyes.
The only people who start this adventure are those who feel there is something not right about their eyes, having tried everything the health professionals have to offer. You might suffer with unresolved light sensitivity, dizziness, headaches, fatigue, depression or anxiety . . . just to name a few symptoms that could be bothering you. You might feel a deep sensitivity that is all consuming and severely hampers you from living a full life.
I have written this blog for people like you – not for those who are happy with their eyes – but for those whose eyes are saying “Surely something could be better.”
Please take a look at these tests and see if that person is you:
Light Gaze Test
Help with Your Vision FAQ’s
We don’t tend to think about our eyes that much, as long as we can see to do what we want to do in life. On this basis we decide that our eyes are ‘normal’ or close to ‘normal’. It is only when we can’t see well enough to get on with our lives that we go and see a vision specialist. The specialists test us and give us something that they say will make our vision ‘more normal’. Usually this is a pair of glasses with some sort of prescription. We think ‘Good, now my vision is normal again!’ and go away feeling pleased that this problem has been resolved.
But the question I am asking is ‘How do you feel about your eyes?’ And despite my optician saying that my vision is normal with glasses, it doesn’t feel ‘normal’ when I really think about it.
Some of the things that don’t feel normal: –
- Subjects and background seem to blend together too much causing me to see too much detail.
- I feel too sensitive to light and glare.
- My eyes feel like they are fighting with each other sometimes.
- My eyes aren’t really looking where I want to look, half the time.
- I am not tracking in my reading. I am looking at several words at once to get me through.
- I am looking away from things because pattern is disturbing me.
- I am looking away from things because colour seems wrong – lack lustre, too bright, like something is missing.
None of these things feel ‘normal’ to me. They were my ‘norma’l for most of my life but now I have discovered that I am sensitive to my changing phorias, I definitely know that they are not ‘normal’.
How do you feel about your eyes?
How are you seeing the world?
Are you happy with your perceived or someone else’s ‘normal’ or do you think there could be something else better out there for you?
Please take a look at my Help with Your Vision FAQ’s and get in touch if you would like help.