When we perceive moreblue light thanred light, we see the world in higher definition.
When we perceive more red light than blue light, we see the world in lower definition.
When we see in high definition we can feel separate and lonely. We can find it hard to gather and maintain our energy. We can find it hard to drink in from the world and feel part of the world.
When we see in low definition, we can feel that everything is a bit too blended. Life doesn’t draw us in and we can’t quite get hold of things. We can feel tired, apathetic, depressed, as if we have no clear use or purpose.
Look at the photograph at the top. Do you want to walk into the picture and pick up the marble or do you feel you can’t reach it or do you feel oblivious?
If you feel you can’t reach it, you may not perceive enough blue light today.
If you feel oblivious, you may not perceive enough red light today.
If you want to pick it up, then you are just fine the way you are!
Having spectral sensitivity, I constantly feel that my vision is compromised. I have tried working with coloured tints but find that a pair of tints only works for a short time. When the light changes, they no longer work. This year I had not tints that worked from July to September so I decided to return to considering my prescription glasses.
Over the years I have been to the optician’s and have received a number of different prescriptions. I decided to scrutinise these. One said I have astigmatism in my left eye, another in my right, another in both eyes. Opticians have disagreed over the severity of my astigmatism and then one optician identified a squint. I looked at my prescriptions and wondered what I should do.
I had noticed previously that when when I wore glasses, the shape the frames made always felt like a rectangle going smaller over my right eye. I wondered why this was but guessed it was just the best I could do with glasses. However now since reconsidering, I feel pretty sure this happens when my squint comes into operation. Next I thought about my astigmatism. I like working with charts on my computer which are always in grids, and it is obvious when my astigmatism is a problem. I can no longer manage the grids.
My astigmatism and squint symptoms are definitely seasonal. They change with the changing light. So I decided to observe my symptoms as the year progresses, create my own prescriptions and buy cheap experimental glasses online.
So far I bought some glasses for my astigmatism in September (0.25 strength in both eyes) and they worked! Then they stopped working at the end of September and I had no glasses again. I happened to have another pair with a 0.25 in one lens so I played around with 0.5 strength by covering my eye with 2 lenses at the same time. I could see this was good so I bought a pair of 0.5’s. They are working into October in the mornings. Once the light gets brighter around lunch time, I need something else. I dared to buy some low strength astigmatism glasses with a prism (as prescribed by one of my opticians). These work great when the light is bright. In fact, I am wearing them now and my binocular vision is so good that I am able to write a blog post in October. Previously I haven’t been able to do this.
As the year develops, I will continue to observe my vision and prescribe myself any other glasses I think I need.
When my vision is compromised, I struggle with focus, tracking and scanning between distances. I have very good visual acuity and these symptoms are all very subtle. However, due to my sensitivity, these symptoms are enough to stop me in my tracks! I struggle to focus on daily activities, I struggle to read comfortably and to plan ahead, and I struggle to think outside of the box, analyse, assess and see things from another’s perspective. I feel like I am stuck, living only in one dimension and unable to move.
My son, who is 12 will only wear grey. And I will happily and confidently say “My son will only wear grey soft clothes – no waist bands, no pockets, no collars, no buttons.” I don’t flinch as I say these words.
Then this year I have learnt that I need to wear white soft clothes. I need to block UV, wearing bamboo clothing. And this clothing only comes in black, grey and white. I can’t wear black or grey so I have to wear white.
The other reason I have to wear white is because I am colour sensitive and most colours don’t make sense to my brain. I see them, I even appreciate them, but they don’t make sense. So even when I don’t need to block UV, I still wear white.
When outside I can wear pink or pinkish purple shoes and coats and a blue hat but that is it. I mostly wear pinkish shoes, a white hat with a piece to cover my neck and a purple scarf. I feel conspicuous, strange, eccentric. I feel like people may think I am trying to make a statement when I am only trying to make myself feel comfortable.
What do I boldly say about my son – “He will only wear grey.”
What should I boldly say about myself? – “I will only wear white.”
How come we find it easier to let children off the hook for being different but when it comes to adults we tend to move into judgement? As adults we have more conditioning to undo. It is a tougher ride but being ourselves, no matter how different we feel, is the only path to real freedom . . . and I, for one, have chosen to walk that path.
Are you worried about feeling different? Is there anything blocking you from being your real self? I would love to hear your stories. Please comment below.