I understand Spring is a common season for people to suffer with depression. You look outside and think how the days are getting longer and light brighter but you just don’t feel ‘happy’.
From my experience there is a lot of undulation around how much yellow light we perceive in the early Spring. One minute the blue light is bright enough for us to perceive more yellow light and the next it isn’t. I find sometimes the sky looks slightly turquoise in the spring because I am picking up green (next to blue in the spectrum) but not so much yellow. (one colour down from green on the spectrum). When I pick up less yellow I find my mood goes down and I don’t feel so connected to my feelings, the people around me and the world.
I can also perceive less yellow in November and/or December but because there is a lot of red around I don’t seem to feel so detached. Red is a grounding light.
What to Do.
Find things that help you feel more connected. I find it is a good time to sort out the family videos and look back on happy memories.
Stay with positive feelings and input if you can. It is not good time to watch a really sad drama on TV!
Know that the feelings of detachment will pass and you will feel your lovely feelings of attachment again.
I can see too much red in the autumn and winter and too much blue in the middle of summer. Spring is only time when I feel I might be seeing the right amount of blue for my brain to be able to relax.
When I see the blue light of spring though, the light is starting to get brighter and my first instinct is to hide myself away. I think I can’t ‘do’ the brightness. But the brightness knocks away on the door of my heart asking to come in. I know really that this particular blue light of spring has enormous energy and power contained in it for me. I feel if I don’t do my best to harness it I might go crazy!
I hope you enjoy my loop. The pictures that I have chosen take you on little journeys we have been on as a family in our endeavour to face the blue light!
My son is 11 and has a lot of sensory processing issues, his most challenging ones being visual and sound. When we go to see doctors, paediatricians and occupational therapists no-one knows how to help us. They don’t seem to have seen this type of sensitivity before (especially the visual processing) and they don’t seem to have seen sensitivity outside of autism.
So . . . where do they refer us? Autism testing.
I told my son about the assessment and he was quite indignant that he didn’t want to be mis-diagnosed as having autism and so he he wrote a letter to the doctor.
I am Luca and I am 11. I have an appointment to come and see you and Mum and Dad say it is about behaviour and autism.
I don’t think it will help me to come to be assessed because I think lots of people are being mis-diagnosed with autism when really they are colour sensitive.
I am sensitive to colour and pattern. I see colour and pattern different to other people. And it makes my brain do funny things. I can’t think very straight when I am in a room of a particular colour. And when people show me things on paper or on the screen I might not be able to process them. Or when people ask me questions I might not feel well enough or have enough energy to answer them. I don’t even like looking at people’s faces much or do eye contact because of the colour and patterns on people’s faces.
When I am in a room of the right colour which is really a type of white, I can concentrate much better but I might still struggle if the light outside doesn’t feel right for me or if it is sunny or if there is a blue sky.
When I go for appointments to see doctors I feel like I can’t really be me. My Mum has to speak for me and I feel trapped by the colours in the room and on people’s clothes. I can’t really show people who I am.
I don’t really mind being assessed for behaviour things or autism but I am not happy to be assessed in a place that is not right for me and then get mis-diagnosed. I feel at my best in December when the light is dim, after dark and in my house which is all neutral colours and patterns.
My Mum helped me write this letter because of my processing problem.
I hope you understand and take me seriously,
We’re not good every day givers as we are always saving some of our energy for our big plan – our vision
The muse might turn up and tell us to do something, say something or go somewhere which is tricky when you have arranged a coffee with someone and are required to do chit chat!
We tend to be one tracked. We don’t have that much energy to talk about things that are not in some way related to our vision.
We’re not good at hanging out OUT as we tend to be sensitive to everything. Take us out to a shopping mall and all the sights, sounds and smells will quickly become too much. Take us out for a walk and we may find the place too lonely or not like the sound of the wind! Yes, it can be that difficult!
Intensity is our only state and we are only really happy if we feel a lot of energy in a conversation or an activity. Once we feel the energy go down we are miserable and just want out!
So all in all we’re not too good at friendship. People can be intrigued by us for a while but when all the above kicks in we don’t see them for dust!
However we are excellent at meaningful encounters.
Wow – the fog today!
Here in Somerset UK this is what it is like outside my window. My 11 year old son kindly took this photo for me with his new action camera.
Although it is thick cloud, the light appears almost luminescent and violet. It reminds me a bit of the feeling I have when we have frost or snow. There is a powerful sense of white. And all the blues and violets around me feel very strong – as if there is too much energy in them.
How you might feel:
Full of ideas but finding it hard to formulate them.
Full of energy but struggling to find what to put it into.
Stay close to community whether that is family or the larger community.
Enjoy your powerful feelings even though it may feel difficult to harness them and utilise them.
Trust in your connection with God, yourself and all things and don’t worry about your fuzzy brain!
Today I needed to book an appointment for my son to see a dietician. When I realised that I had to go to floor 10 – the top floor of our local hospital – I broke down into tears.
Last time I had to go to the top floor of the hospital I used the stairs because I don’t like lifts. As my husband and son needed to use the lift I asked someone to accompany me but I didn’t feel they understood my anxiety which made me feel worse.
And what was my anxiety that day? Was it the about light? Was it about the colour? Was it the echo of people’s feet and voices down the stairwell? Was it the feel of the cold hard walls? Was it the feeling of turning round and round too often for my brain?
Or was it all of these mixed together and compacted into one big package of extreme sensory overload?
I think it was and this is why the memory of this day made me cry.
I wanted a way out so I asked my son how he felt about going back to the hospital? I was secretly hoping for an “I’m not going back to that place!” but instead he said “Oh yes, I think it will be fine.” Now I was on my own. I couldn’t phone up the hospital and say that my son had anxiety and needed help. I would have to own my anxiety.
After much procrastination I took the bull by the horns and phoned the dietician back and said those liberating words “I have a processing problem.” I explained I didn’t like lifts or stairs. The dietician was fine about this, even though I detected faint surprise in her voice! She simply said she would refer us to the community dietician who could visit us at home or a GP’s surgery
I felt 10 feet tall. I had faced my greatest fear and admitted my greatest need. I didn’t feel silly. After all who can say how the brain of another person makes them feel when they are on the 10th floor of a building? Who? Nobody.
So next time you don’t want to look silly and admit your greatest need, remember not to use anyone else as an excuse, to be brave and stand up for the hidden no-diagnosis condition which is Sensory Processing Disorder!