I Don't Get to Choose How I Connect Each Day

Having studied all the emotional psychological connections with what I feel in my body, that I can, plus all my reactions to the way I see the spectrum, I am now convinced that I don’t get to choose how I connect each day.

I thought I could heal and become all things I wanted – to be open- hearted, enjoy intimacy, give my gifts to world, have a strong powerful voice, follow my vision, be happy to be vulnerable, work with my cycles and rhythms and find where I belong.

And I have achieved all these things to a point. But it wasn’t the point I was dreaming of! I thought if I could become whole, I could just get on with things!

But wholeness isn’t all about me. I can’t be whole by myself. It isn’t possible. So God made me really sensitive to the light spectrum just to make sure I knew that!

But, ever ambitious, I have had a similar attitude with the light spectrum, almost expecting to be able to outsmart my reaction to it. After all, if I don’t perceive enough yellow light, then I just need to be a bit more open-hearted. If I don’t perceive enough green light, then I just need to ask for a bit more support.

But how far can this new insight take me, I wondered?

If I just open my heart, could I get on the next plane to the Middle East and help refugees?

If I just let in trillions of support, could I foster a houseful of children?

If I do everything I can to make myself feel really secure, could I jump out of a plane?

Aaaargghhh!! NO, I CAN’T

I can heal myself, which I have done, but now I have to be part of the world. I don’t perceive enough red light in February so I don’t even feel grounded enough to bake a batch of biscuits, let alone jump out of a plane! I can’t make myself feel grounded. I can only do things that help to give me a greater feeling of security.

I can’t make myself feel anything. I can only be open to feeling. I don’t get to choose how I can connect each day!

I Don't Have an Independent Bone in My Body!

If I ask for support (head, neck, shoulders) then I can breathe

If I can breathe, then I can feel (heart)

If I can feel, then I can digest (abdomen)

I suddenly understand the connection between our heart and shoulders! Energy doesn’t start from our hearts. It starts in our shoulders and neck. When we say we want to be independent and self sufficient, we prevent all that energy from freeing up our shoulders and neck and then there is less energy to move into our hearts.

Read more about The 12 Body Areas

The Beauty of Vulnerability – Being Healed & Being a Healer

Atypical Spectral Sensitivity and Autism

As a visionary, my daily experience is seeing mine and other people’s energy and this gives me clues as to what might be going on at a deeper level in myself and with other people. I have been observing people’s energy for 20 years now and I feel particularly drawn to observe the energy of the more highly sensitive people in the world. In this, I include those with ADD, ADHD and autism.

I have seen the same pattern over and over again in more sensitive people. The pattern I see is low energy in a person’s legs, low energy around a person’s heart but a lot of energy around a person’s head, neck and shoulders. I have wondered what this means. Why is a person not feeling their heart energy or their grounded energy?

After studying my reaction to the light in some depth over the last 3 years, I now believe I have some answers. We need to perceive enough red light to feel grounded. We need to perceive enough yellow light to feel emotionally connected. If we don’t perceive enough red and/or yellow light, it changes who we are. With poor perception of red light, we don’t feel anchored and struggle to feel safe. This is why we become anxious and change feels scary. With poor perception of yellow light, we feel less emotionally connected than others. We can still feel but we struggle to feel deeply. We need greater intensity to feel enough and then the greater intensity feels too much because we are not grounded. So we seek a lot of intensity in our thoughts, which explains the energy I see around people’s heads. I believe this is related our perception of blue and violet light. We become adept at sorting through concepts and ideas and we enjoy making connections with our thinking because we are struggling to make connections emotionally. We use ideas and concepts like hugs. We replay actions and thoughts because they are comforting to us. It is our way of connection.

I speak as if I am autistic but I am not. I do have atypical spectral sensitivity, though, and know how it feels to struggle with connection.

To read more about mine and my son’s journey with atypcial spectral sensitivity please take a look at my book.

Living by the Colours I See in the Light: The Joys and Challenges of Having Atypical Spectral Sensitivity