Oh Yippee – I am Connected!

I have spectral sensitivity and it is October. My serotonin is low. I eat chocolate truffles between all meals and need a bath when I have come in from being outside. And when I am outside I feel as if I am in a dream. I am fussy with food textures and even my softest bamboo clothes feel scratchy to me. I sometimes don’t want a hug. I am losing tones in colour and this particularly causes me to find food and faces difficult to look at. My sound sensitivity is at its peak and when people talk to me, I need to ask them to use fewer words. My movement sensitivity is at its peak. When people are excited around me, I need to ask them not to use their arms.

I have been making observations about my spectral sensitivity for 4 years now and this is the first autumn when I can honestly say that despite all my challenges, I am happy. I finally realise that I don’t need to connect in any particular way – I just am connected. I don’t have to connect through what I see, feel, touch, hear – I can tap into a deeper connection.

I was brought up from a young age to go to church. We we far from the perfect family and I am pretty sure my Dad just went because he liked the music. It was an experience for me though. It just happened to be a beautiful round church – one of the few in the country. I liked round things! And my parents bought me a service booklet for children with pictures. And how I loved this booklet! I don’t go to church now but I do carry my faith around with me and it is the place I go to when I have lost all my other ways to connect. When I feel at odds with myself and the world, my faith warms my heart and puts a smile on my face. 😊

Living with Spectral Sensitivity – Our only Constant is Change!

I have chosen the term ‘ambient colour sensitivity’ to describe mine and my son’s experience. I think this best describes our changing perception of colour which transforms how we momentarily perceive line, shape and pattern. Our experience changes the way we feel emotionally, feel in our bodies and the way we think. Our nervous system is also affected, confusing our brain and heightening our other sensitivities.

We have a feeling of incompleteness to our sensory experiences. A colour can suddenly appear too bright or too dull as if some hues are missing. A sound can suddenly feel harsh as if the softer tones are not there. A taste can suddenly be too sweet or too sour as if some elements of the flavour are absent. When we wear tints that give us a balanced perception of colour, our sensory experience feels constant.

When our colour perception is improved, ‘nothing is missing’. There is a feeling of completeness. On the basis of this discovery, some may say that we have Irlen Syndrome. However, whereas with Irlen syndrome, a person can usually find one or two tints to balance their perception of the spectrum on a constant basis, we are not able to do that. A few seconds, minutes or hours after we have found the right tint, we perceive the spectrum to have changed and can no longer wear the tints.

In short . . .

Whereas most people have sensory constants – where experiences can become familiar and predictable – we have no constants. Our only constant, therefore is change.

Whereas most people have a ‘complete’ sensory experience – where their brain does not question whether there is ‘something is missing’, our best version of completeness is learning to live with ‘incompleteness’.

We live by the light meaning that from when we get up the morning We have half an eye out to check what the light is doing. How we see the light affects all our choices of the day – what we wear, what we eat, what we do and how we relate to ourselves and other people.

I have chosen the term ‘ambient colour sensitivity’ to describe mine and my son’s experience. I think this best describes our changing perception of colour which transforms how we momentarily perceive line, shape and pattern. Our experience changes the way we feel emotionally, feel in our bodies and the way we think. Our nervous system is also affected, confusing our brain and heightening our other sensitivities.

We have a feeling of incompleteness to our sensory experiences. A colour can suddenly appear too bright or too dull as if some hues are missing. A sound can suddenly feel harsh as if the softer tones are not there. A taste can suddenly be too sweet or too sour as if some elements of the flavour are absent. When we wear tints that give us a balanced perception of colour, our sensory experience feels constant.

When our colour perception is improved, ‘nothing is missing’. There is a feeling of completeness. On the basis of this discovery, some may say that we have Irlen Syndrome. However, whereas with Irlen syndrome, a person can usually find one or two tints to balance their perception of the spectrum on a constant basis, we are not able to do that. A few seconds, minutes or hours after we have found the right tint, we perceive the spectrum to have changed and can no longer wear the tints.

In short . . .

Whereas most people have sensory constants – where experiences can become familiar and predictable – we have no constants. Our only constant, therefore is change.

Whereas most people have a ‘complete’ sensory experience – where their brain does not question whether there is ‘something is missing’, our best version of completeness is learning to live with ‘incompleteness’.

We live by the light meaning that from when we get up the morning We have half an eye out to check what the light is doing. How we see the light affects all our choices of the day – what we wear, what we eat, what we do and how we relate to ourselves and other people.

Let me show you how your relationship with the light can be your superpower!

Ambient Colour Therapy – How I can Help Your Sensitive Child

My Experience of being a Healer

Fourteen years ago, I was sitting in the hairdresser’s and something happened that changed the course of my life forever. I had felt passionate about being a healer for a long time but on this day when I was in my early thirties I started to realise something that I had ‘known’ on a subliminal level since I was a child.

On this day I became aware that I could ‘see’ people’s energy patterns. People were appearing to me as if they were ‘substantial’ or ‘insubstantial’ in certain areas of their body. I instinctively knew that this wasn’t related to their size or weight. I felt sure that it had something to do with how connected they were with themselves.

Going outside to walk home from the hairdressers’, I saw a lady walking towards me. I almost didn’t want to look at her, frightened of what I might ‘see’; but I did, and I felt that I could see right into her heart. I could ‘see’ and ‘feel’ her pain. I knew this wasn’t related to her countenance or posture, or to anything else that I could see with my ‘physical’ eyes. This depth of ‘seeing’ was something different to anything I had experienced before.

From that point on I knew I could either be scared of what I saw, or I could learn to understand it, hone it and use it wisely to help myself and others. Since this experience I’ve been working earnestly with my healing – learning how to connect with myself by letting go of what is blocking me from really being ‘in my body’ and ‘in the world’. I have learnt to interpret signs, symptoms and sensations as messages telling me what is happening in each area of my body and myself as a whole. This has helped me not just to heal but also to maintain my levels of contentment, energy and motivation, and to find my place in the world. And I help others to benefit from the same.

My Experience with the Light Spectrum

I have worked out all sorts of things about my experience of the light spectrum . . . why I often have such a buzzy brain, why I sometimes struggle to feel really connected to others, why I can manage the sound of the washing machine on spin some days and not other days, why I sometimes lose my taste, why I sometimes react to certain textures, why I love analysing things and containing things in boxes, why I love to follow my crazy intuitive thoughts as far as they will take me, why sometimes I love the rhythm of a drum and the waves of the sea and sometimes I can’t bear the feeling of them at all. I could go on and on and on. . . . because my anlaytical brain has taken me on a long journey to analyse how I process everything I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and feel.

But I don’t just have an analytical brain. I also have a very intuitive one and have learnt to use my feelings in my body, my thoughts and emotions as a reference point to how the light spectrum is affecting me on any day, in any moment. I see endless correlations between how I experience the light and feelings in my body, my senses, my thoughts and emotions. This has answered a lot of questions for me because I just didn’t know why I lived with so much change. I find understanding the pattern of the light spectrum and how it impacts me is comforting and empowering. It is challenging but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

How Can I Help Your Child?

Having an understanding of how connected I am or how disconnected in any moment (by seeing my own energy) and blending this with my understanding of how the light spectrum is affecting me, I have come to accept that we are not responsible for all the issues we may perceive ourselves to have. There is a bigger story at work. The challenge is knowing what it is possible to change and what we need to accept as out of our control.

I Can Help You:-

  1. Know whether your child has ambient colour sensitivity or not.
  2. Know whether your child’s issues are unresolved emotional / psychological trauma, ambient colour sensitivity or both.
  3. Understand your child’s own unique pattern of experiencing the light spectrum across the day and the seasons.
  4. Find ways to improve your child’s quality of life.

I Can Also Help Your Child: –

  1. Maximise their energy and motivation levels according to the light spectrum.
  2. Understand their changing moods and feeling states.
  3. Know when it is best to do physical activities and when best to contain their physical energy.
  4. Eat, dress and choose the right activities to match their changing perception of the light spectrum.
  5. Have the right space to live, breathe and work in.
  6. Know when best to go outside or stay inside.
  7. Gain a fresh understanding of any other sensitivities that they have.

My Approach

  • I understand that having extreme sensitivities can make both adults and children feel that it is very difficult to find help.
  • I understand that sensitive children often have a strong sense of knowing about what is right or not right for them when it comes to help.
  • I honour your child’s sensitivities as personal and precious to them.
  • I recognise that we interpret our own experience of the subtleties of life through our senses and help your child to understand and work with their patterns (recurring seasonal experiences,) rather than change them.
  • I believe lasting change can happen when we find the answers together. From a place of safety and acceptance we find we can make new connections in our brain. This opens the doorway to healing.

How I Work

Having ambient colour sensitivity brings with it a lack of constancy. Things don’t stay the same from one day to the next – colour, pattern, sound, how you feel, how you move, how you think. They are all constantly changing. For this reason, we often can’t help ourselves using standard therapies and exercises. We need to go deeper and work with our relationship with ourselves, others and the world.

In a session I will hear your child’s story and share mine. We will dig deep into the mystery of living by the light spectrum together.

Location
I work from my home in Crewkerne, Somerset. It is in a peaceful location off a quiet side-road.  If you are driving, parking is secure on our drive. if you are using the bus it is approximately 500 yards from the bus stop.

Space
I use a quiet, light, airy, comfortable room (no stairs). We have a pet free, smoke free home. Between sessions I wipe down all surfaces used with antibacterial wipes. Due to my sensitivities I am not able to wear a mask but you are welcome to wear one if it makes you feel more comfortable. If you have any special needs, please let me know and I will do my best to meet them.

I also am happy to work on-line using Skype or Zoom or another platform that you prefer. As there is a lot of conversation and interaction in this work, I finds this works very well. I ask you to keep a diary describing your experience of the light in detail and is easy to share this on screen

Training, qualifications & experience

Diploma in Hypnotherapy (DHP Acc. Hyp) with Hypnotic World

Bachelor of Education (BEd) with the University of Wales

Diploma in Childbirth Education (DipCBed) with Childbirth International.

What I Charge

I charge:-

£15 per half hour session – children up to 7

£30 per hour session â€“ children 8 – 16

  • Please note that: –
  • The session lengths are just suggestions. I would be happy to give a longer session to a younger child or a shorter session to an older child.
  • All children up to age 16 need to be accompanied by an adult

I offer a FREE 20 minute initial chat on Skype, Zoom or Teams for you to ask any questions and to give us the chance to see if therapist and client are a good match.

It’s Harder for Some of Us to See Out and for Others to See In.

I have wondered my whole life why my face appears so unrelaxed when I catch sight of myself in a mirror. And it is more than this – it is as if I am struggling to connect through my eyes. There is just the odd occasion when I look in the mirror and think ‘Oh, there you are, so you do exist after all!’

Now I know that it all has to do with my difficulty in always perceiving enough blue light. I am not talking about violet or green or any other colour – no, specifically blue. I always have this feeling at this time of year from half way through February to the beginning of April. I discern enough violet light (I know that because my brain is so active, intuitive and creative,) but I am struggling to perceive blue light. I know this because I can feel quite alone and struggle to be a team player.

As I see my own and other people’s energy, I am able to find clues to connection and disconnection, that others may not have. When I perceive too little blue light, I literally see a band of low energy going across my eyes. I find myself trying to connect with people through eye contact but not really feeling the connection I want. I feel open-hearted, but it is amazing how cut off you can feel when you struggle to connect through your eyes.

I have to learn other ways to connect – voice, feelings, touch, smell, taste, movement – whilst I am waiting for the blue light to come back!

We are not Islands When it Comes to Our Well-being – What is Influencing You Today?

I have been thinking about all the things that influence our state of well-being outside of our brains, and our own brains are challenging enough for some of us! Or – is there no such thing as anything outside of our brain because our well-being is all intertwined with our relationship with the world?

With or without knowing it, we are all constantly influenced by:-

  • Our visual perception
  • Our perception of sound
  • Our perception of smell
  • Our perception of taste and texture
  • Our perception of touch
  • Our perception of balance
  • Our proprioception
  • Our perception of colour
  • Our perception of light
  • Our perception of temperature
  • Seasonal Changes
  • The Weather
  • The Moon
  • Our Health
  • Our Cycles and Rhythms
  • Our feelings and thoughts
  • The quality of our family relationships
  • The emotional climate around us
  • Atmospheres of places and buildings

We can’t really separate out these stimuli and and the affects of them on our well-being. I got up today and saw there was sheep on the hill ouside our bedroom window (that weren’t there last time I looked) and felt comforted. I went to the other side of the house and the clouds were as black as black. I felt slightly less comfort but a sort of excitement as the light was bright on the garden, but the sky was dark. Then someone used the tap downstairs and I felt less comfort again, and rattled, and closed the door of the room I was in. Then my husband came in and told me how dark the sky was (!) and I automatically turned to look at it, without thinking first. The colour hurt my eyes. Now I have the sound of hail on my window which sometimes I love, but today I am not so sure about.

And so my day will continue . . a mixture of influences from my own thoughts and ideas, to the weather, light, colour, my son’s feelings . . . I am intrinsically connected to these things. There is no point in seeing them as rude interruptions or nuisances. They shape who I am and what I am going to do. I need to welcome them with open arms and let them move and inspire me.

What I do know today is that this exciting weather is giving me the energy and inspiration to write this post.

We are not islands when it comes to our wellbeing? What is influencing you today?

I Don’t Get to Choose How I Connect Each Day

Having studied all the emotional psychological connections with what I feel in my body, that I can, plus all my reactions to the way I see the spectrum, I am now convinced that I don’t get to choose how I connect each day.

I thought I could heal and become all things I wanted – to be open- hearted, enjoy intimacy, give my gifts to world, have a strong powerful voice, follow my vision, be happy to be vulnerable, work with my cycles and rhythms and find where I belong.

And I have achieved all these things to a point. But it wasn’t the point I was dreaming of! I thought if I could become whole, I could just get on with things!

But wholeness isn’t all about me. I can’t be whole by myself. It isn’t possible. So God made me really sensitive to the light spectrum just to make sure I knew that!

But, ever ambitious, I have had a similar attitude with the light spectrum, almost expecting to be able to outsmart my reaction to it. After all, if I don’t perceive enough blue light, then I just need to be a bit more open-hearted. If I don’t perceive enough red light, then I just need to be more aware of my physical connection with the world

But how far can this new insight take me, I wondered?

If I just open my heart, could I get on the next plane to the Middle East and help refugees?

If I just let in trillions of support, could I foster a houseful of children?

If I do everything I can to make myself feel really secure, could I jump out of a plane?

Aaaargghhh!! NO, I CAN’T

I can heal myself, which I have done, but now I have to be part of the world. I don’t perceive enough red light in February so I don’t even feel grounded enough to bake a batch of biscuits, let alone jump out of a plane! I can’t make myself feel grounded. I can only do things that help to give me a greater feeling of security.

I can’t make myself feel anything. I can only be open to feeling. I don’t get to choose how I can connect each day!

Living with Ambient Colour Sensitivity Keeps Me in Touch with My Needs

When I don’t perceive enough blue light, I know I need to find special ways to speak my thoughts and opinions.

When I don’t perceive enough violet light, I know I need to find little ways to stay in touch with my intuition.

When I don’t perceive enough red light, I know I need to think things, say things and do things, to help me feel more secure.

When I do perceive enough blue, violet and red light, I need to remember to indulge in feeling how good it is to feel connected to all the different aspects of myself!

Living by the Colours I See in the Light: The Joys and Challenges of Having Ambient Colour Sensitivity

Anxiety – Does it all Really Come from Within?

If you had asked me the question – “Does all anxiety come from within?” a few years ago I would have said “Yes” without hesitation. And as a result of thinking this, I have had a lot of therapy and worked long and hard with my self development, expecting to resolve my insecure anxious feelings and thoughts.

A Story

Today I woke up feeling bright and breezy and decided it would be a good day to go with my family to a small seaside town and play mini-golf. Now, for our complicated family, it is amazing to just get out of the door, let alone make it down to the beach and participate in an activity! But I felt the light was good, my energy felt good and it was worth giving it a try.

As soon as I decided to go out, I felt my anxiety levels raise. I started thinking about all the things we needed – rucksacks, juice, chocolate, tissues, paracetemol . . .! I then told myself that this was just like any trip for us. We would take the same things for an appointment at the hairdressers! So I relaxed a bit. But I noticed I still didn’t feel as grounded as I had felt when I first got up. My legs were a bit achy and physical tasks like carrying things around the house were starting to feel difficult. I then realised the light had changed – I was perceiving less red light than when I first woke up. I wondered if I still really felt like going out. But of course, with a 12 year old who is excited about the prospect of mini-golf by the seaside, you don’t really get a choice. With the suggestion comes a commitment!

So . . I committed and off we went! When we arrived, I felt the same as I had done at home – happy, pleased to be alive but ungrounded. How does this feel? Well . . it feels like my legs aren’t as substantial as the rest of me. This feeling used to make me feel insecure but it doesn’t any more because I recognise it and understand it. At the seaside today, I knew I was safe and all was well and it was this knowing that I depended on. The real give away with how my perception of the light affected me, was just how much my legs ached when I had to climb lots of steps to get to the golf course. I felt as if I had run a marathon in the last 3 days, it was so painful. Also, when the energy is low in my legs, I have a tendency to pull muscles in my knees so I have to be super careful how I I use my legs and the rest of my body.

At the mini-golf I felt just OK. When you don’t feel grounded, it is harder to feel more than OK sometimes. it takes a distraction like seeing an amazing gull or getting a hole in one to feel more than OK. This feeling of just being OK can raise the alarm that something isn’t right but I am used to the feeling now and just stay calm and go with it. As I say, I know I am safe and that all is well.

My son, who is 12, has a similar experience to me. As he is a child and not always thinking rationally, small things can knock him off balance emotionally, and have massive impact on him physically. After the game of golf, we decided to go to the fish shop which was at the bottom of a very steep hill. I could see the pain on my son’s face as he walked down the hill, and the fear in his eyes that he might not make it back to the car. I remember this feeling so well from when I was a child. I would sometimes feel that I could not walk another step. But there is nothing wrong with our legs. Having rested a little on the drive home, my son got out the car and ran to check on his pet doves. I just got on with life as normal.

Not being grounded and having low energy in our legs does affect our daily life but it affects us much more when we try to go out and have some fun!

Anxiety definitely doesn’t always come from within. Sometimes we don’t know what is affecting us. We just know we don’t feel right.

We Can’t Really Find Connection. We Simply Have Connection!

Passionate about healing, I have always had ‘connection’ in my sights. I have been blessed enough to have a lot of insight about connection and disconnection and felt that in time it would all come together and I would feel truly connected.

However, this wasn’t to be my destination. I had to learn that no matter how much I healed, was self aware, stayed present with myself, none of it was enough.

I am not just me or not just me in relationship to others. I am also me in relationship to my environment. And this is where I get to feel what it is not to be in control. I can’t sort this relationship with my environment through therapy or self development. No, I have to surrender to it.

As a farmer has to surrender to their relationship with the weather and a fisherman to their relationship with the ocean, I have to surrender to my relationship with the light. I have to let it shape me and change me and bring out all the power that is within me.

I can’t choose to get up and ‘be’ creative. The light will make me creative or not make me creative. I can’t get up and choose to be a home-maker. The light will make me a home maker or not a home-maker. I can’t get up and choose to be a truth speaker or a leader. The light will lead me there or not lead me there. I am not in control. I can’t choose to connect with my emotions or with my intuition or with my physical energy. And I can’t choose total connection.

Today I don’t perceive enough red or blue light. This means that I can’t be really grounded or really emotionally connected, no matter how hard I try. I do perceive a lot of ultraviolet light that is giving me the energy to write this post.

Many of us are looking for total connection. We try to find it through yoga or exercise or the latest cleansing diet or using our breath. There is nothing wrong with these things but the truth is that there is no such thing as total connection when we are looking simply inside ourselves. We can try to apply all the latest health technology and fill ourselves with the latest super foods and vitamins and minerals but we will not find our place of total connection.

Connection is found in trust. When I can’t feel all the connectedness I want, I have to trust – I have to believe that connection is there.

Connection is found in knowing. When you can’t ‘feel connection,’ that can be frightening, make you insecure, and be disorientating. Knowing is FAITH that connection simply is there. It is more real than anything we can try to create or think we have.

No . . we can’t really find connection. We simply HAVE connection!

Video Snippet – The Grounded Feeling of the Red Light

Seeing more blue light and less red light most of the time, I am looking for the red light in the atmosphere to balance my perception of the spectrum. I notice if I see less red light, that I feel less energy in my legs and feet than I usually do. When I perceive more red light or I find I can wear glasses to either block blue or enhance red, I suddenly feel more grounded and more secure.

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