This is the first autumn that I ever really felt the feeling of homeliness. This is the first autumn that I have had glasses to treat my phorias.
October is usually a very tricky month for me. I usually feels ad odds with myself and with the world. But this year I found my phoria. My eyes are going Up and IN. I have have this on one eye or both. And the UP and IN phoria I find is one of the hardest to bear. You feel shut in and confused and cross with the world.
Wearing glasses with prism that bend the light so that what I am looking at meets my gaze, feels like nothing short of a miracle. I feel cosy and very centred.
Autumn used to mean struggling with the change of colours of leaves and the drop in the light. I didn’t like the pumpkins of halloween, the fireworks of bonfire night or even the decorations of Christmas. I just couldn’t process all the colour and pattern.
This year I am loving the leaves, I am enjoying craft, I am singing little songs to myself, playing games with my family and cycling. I am loving life. And looking ahead, I am full of hope that I will find the right glasses as autumn turns to winter. And I will experience more new things – things I have never done before, feelings I have never had before, like the true feeling of homeliness.