When the Red Tones are Missing . . .

I often see too much blue and not enough red. When red tones are missing, nothing feels complete.

When I went back to school as a child the trees were losing their leaves and they didn’t feel compete.

The pumpkin of October didn’t feel complete and even less so with holes in.

The flames dancing around on the fire in November hurt my eyes and didn’t feel complete.

The presents and tree of Christmas didn’t feel complete. The colours and patterns of my clothes didn’t feel complete.

The colours, shapes and patterns of the food on my plate didn’t feel complete.

People’s voices, music, the sound of a bath tap didn’t feel complete.

A hug or a kind word didn’t feel complete.

Nothing felt complete until New Year when there was a bit more blue and red light and my hope of completion started to rise. By Easter things were feeling better and by my Birthday in May I could process the patterns on my new Birthday cardigan.

And then in June, that old feeling of incompleteness started back again. On a sunny day when all looked so beautiful, the garden felt incomplete, the beach, the hills, the woods – they all felt incomplete. And vegetables and meat started to become very slightly blue and colours appeared in general a bit drained, like someone was forgetting to add red to the world. I felt unsafe from September to December but now it was a different feeling of being unsafe – the light felt brash and harsh and I could feel exposed and lost. So my ‘normal’ is to feel ‘incompleteness.’

As an adult I understand it. It is all about my perception. The world doesn’t change like I think it does. My perception does.

My experience has taught me to trust and taught me to have faith. These are the two things that are constant in my life. These things are unchanging.

Living with Spectral Sensitivity – Our only Constant is Change!

I have chosen the term ‘ambient colour sensitivity’ to describe mine and my son’s experience. I think this best describes our changing perception of colour which transforms how we momentarily perceive line, shape and pattern. Our experience changes the way we feel emotionally, feel in our bodies and the way we think. Our nervous system is also affected, confusing our brain and heightening our other sensitivities.

We have a feeling of incompleteness to our sensory experiences. A colour can suddenly appear too bright or too dull as if some hues are missing. A sound can suddenly feel harsh as if the softer tones are not there. A taste can suddenly be too sweet or too sour as if some elements of the flavour are absent. When we wear tints that give us a balanced perception of colour, our sensory experience feels constant.

When our colour perception is improved, ‘nothing is missing’. There is a feeling of completeness. On the basis of this discovery, some may say that we have Irlen Syndrome. However, whereas with Irlen syndrome, a person can usually find one or two tints to balance their perception of the spectrum on a constant basis, we are not able to do that. A few seconds, minutes or hours after we have found the right tint, we perceive the spectrum to have changed and can no longer wear the tints.

In short . . .

Whereas most people have sensory constants – where experiences can become familiar and predictable – we have no constants. Our only constant, therefore is change.

Whereas most people have a ‘complete’ sensory experience – where their brain does not question whether there is ‘something is missing’, our best version of completeness is learning to live with ‘incompleteness’.

We live by the light meaning that from when we get up the morning We have half an eye out to check what the light is doing. How we see the light affects all our choices of the day – what we wear, what we eat, what we do and how we relate to ourselves and other people.

I have chosen the term ‘ambient colour sensitivity’ to describe mine and my son’s experience. I think this best describes our changing perception of colour which transforms how we momentarily perceive line, shape and pattern. Our experience changes the way we feel emotionally, feel in our bodies and the way we think. Our nervous system is also affected, confusing our brain and heightening our other sensitivities.

We have a feeling of incompleteness to our sensory experiences. A colour can suddenly appear too bright or too dull as if some hues are missing. A sound can suddenly feel harsh as if the softer tones are not there. A taste can suddenly be too sweet or too sour as if some elements of the flavour are absent. When we wear tints that give us a balanced perception of colour, our sensory experience feels constant.

When our colour perception is improved, ‘nothing is missing’. There is a feeling of completeness. On the basis of this discovery, some may say that we have Irlen Syndrome. However, whereas with Irlen syndrome, a person can usually find one or two tints to balance their perception of the spectrum on a constant basis, we are not able to do that. A few seconds, minutes or hours after we have found the right tint, we perceive the spectrum to have changed and can no longer wear the tints.

In short . . .

Whereas most people have sensory constants – where experiences can become familiar and predictable – we have no constants. Our only constant, therefore is change.

Whereas most people have a ‘complete’ sensory experience – where their brain does not question whether there is ‘something is missing’, our best version of completeness is learning to live with ‘incompleteness’.

We live by the light meaning that from when we get up the morning We have half an eye out to check what the light is doing. How we see the light affects all our choices of the day – what we wear, what we eat, what we do and how we relate to ourselves and other people.

Let me show you how your relationship with the light can be your superpower!

Ambient Colour Therapy – How I can Help Your Sensitive Child

My Experience of being a Healer

Fourteen years ago, I was sitting in the hairdresser’s and something happened that changed the course of my life forever. I had felt passionate about being a healer for a long time but on this day when I was in my early thirties I started to realise something that I had ‘known’ on a subliminal level since I was a child.

On this day I became aware that I could ‘see’ people’s energy patterns. People were appearing to me as if they were ‘substantial’ or ‘insubstantial’ in certain areas of their body. I instinctively knew that this wasn’t related to their size or weight. I felt sure that it had something to do with how connected they were with themselves.

Going outside to walk home from the hairdressers’, I saw a lady walking towards me. I almost didn’t want to look at her, frightened of what I might ‘see’; but I did, and I felt that I could see right into her heart. I could ‘see’ and ‘feel’ her pain. I knew this wasn’t related to her countenance or posture, or to anything else that I could see with my ‘physical’ eyes. This depth of ‘seeing’ was something different to anything I had experienced before.

From that point on I knew I could either be scared of what I saw, or I could learn to understand it, hone it and use it wisely to help myself and others. Since this experience I’ve been working earnestly with my healing – learning how to connect with myself by letting go of what is blocking me from really being ‘in my body’ and ‘in the world’. I have learnt to interpret signs, symptoms and sensations as messages telling me what is happening in each area of my body and myself as a whole. This has helped me not just to heal but also to maintain my levels of contentment, energy and motivation, and to find my place in the world. And I help others to benefit from the same.

My Experience with the Light Spectrum

I have worked out all sorts of things about my experience of the light spectrum . . . why I often have such a buzzy brain, why I sometimes struggle to feel really connected to others, why I can manage the sound of the washing machine on spin some days and not other days, why I sometimes lose my taste, why I sometimes react to certain textures, why I love analysing things and containing things in boxes, why I love to follow my crazy intuitive thoughts as far as they will take me, why sometimes I love the rhythm of a drum and the waves of the sea and sometimes I can’t bear the feeling of them at all. I could go on and on and on. . . . because my anlaytical brain has taken me on a long journey to analyse how I process everything I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and feel.

But I don’t just have an analytical brain. I also have a very intuitive one and have learnt to use my feelings in my body, my thoughts and emotions as a reference point to how the light spectrum is affecting me on any day, in any moment. I see endless correlations between how I experience the light and feelings in my body, my senses, my thoughts and emotions. This has answered a lot of questions for me because I just didn’t know why I lived with so much change. I find understanding the pattern of the light spectrum and how it impacts me is comforting and empowering. It is challenging but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

How Can I Help Your Child?

Having an understanding of how connected I am or how disconnected in any moment (by seeing my own energy) and blending this with my understanding of how the light spectrum is affecting me, I have come to accept that we are not responsible for all the issues we may perceive ourselves to have. There is a bigger story at work. The challenge is knowing what it is possible to change and what we need to accept as out of our control.

I Can Help You:-

  1. Know whether your child has ambient colour sensitivity or not.
  2. Know whether your child’s issues are unresolved emotional / psychological trauma, ambient colour sensitivity or both.
  3. Understand your child’s own unique pattern of experiencing the light spectrum across the day and the seasons.
  4. Find ways to improve your child’s quality of life.

I Can Also Help Your Child: –

  1. Maximise their energy and motivation levels according to the light spectrum.
  2. Understand their changing moods and feeling states.
  3. Know when it is best to do physical activities and when best to contain their physical energy.
  4. Eat, dress and choose the right activities to match their changing perception of the light spectrum.
  5. Have the right space to live, breathe and work in.
  6. Know when best to go outside or stay inside.
  7. Gain a fresh understanding of any other sensitivities that they have.

My Approach

  • I understand that having extreme sensitivities can make both adults and children feel that it is very difficult to find help.
  • I understand that sensitive children often have a strong sense of knowing about what is right or not right for them when it comes to help.
  • I honour your child’s sensitivities as personal and precious to them.
  • I recognise that we interpret our own experience of the subtleties of life through our senses and help your child to understand and work with their patterns (recurring seasonal experiences,) rather than change them.
  • I believe lasting change can happen when we find the answers together. From a place of safety and acceptance we find we can make new connections in our brain. This opens the doorway to healing.

How I Work

Having ambient colour sensitivity brings with it a lack of constancy. Things don’t stay the same from one day to the next – colour, pattern, sound, how you feel, how you move, how you think. They are all constantly changing. For this reason, we often can’t help ourselves using standard therapies and exercises. We need to go deeper and work with our relationship with ourselves, others and the world.

In a session I will hear your child’s story and share mine. We will dig deep into the mystery of living by the light spectrum together.

Location
I work from my home in Crewkerne, Somerset. It is in a peaceful location off a quiet side-road.  If you are driving, parking is secure on our drive. if you are using the bus it is approximately 500 yards from the bus stop.

Space
I use a quiet, light, airy, comfortable room (no stairs). We have a pet free, smoke free home. Between sessions I wipe down all surfaces used with antibacterial wipes. Due to my sensitivities I am not able to wear a mask but you are welcome to wear one if it makes you feel more comfortable. If you have any special needs, please let me know and I will do my best to meet them.

I also am happy to work on-line using Skype or Zoom or another platform that you prefer. As there is a lot of conversation and interaction in this work, I finds this works very well. I ask you to keep a diary describing your experience of the light in detail and is easy to share this on screen

Training, qualifications & experience

Diploma in Hypnotherapy (DHP Acc. Hyp) with Hypnotic World

Bachelor of Education (BEd) with the University of Wales

Diploma in Childbirth Education (DipCBed) with Childbirth International.

What I Charge

I charge:-

£15 per half hour session – children up to 7

£30 per hour session – children 8 – 16

  • Please note that: –
  • The session lengths are just suggestions. I would be happy to give a longer session to a younger child or a shorter session to an older child.
  • All children up to age 16 need to be accompanied by an adult

I offer a FREE 20 minute initial chat on Skype, Zoom or Teams for you to ask any questions and to give us the chance to see if therapist and client are a good match.

What Definition Are You Seeing the World In?

When we perceive more blue light than red light, we see the world in higher definition.

When we perceive more red light than blue light, we see the world in lower definition.

When we see in high definition we can feel separate and lonely. We can find it hard to gather and maintain our energy. We can find it hard to drink in from the world and feel part of the world.

When we see in low definition, we can feel that everything is a bit too blended. Life doesn’t draw us in and we can’t quite get hold of things. We can feel tired, apathetic, depressed, as if we have no clear use or purpose.

Look at the photograph at the top. Do you want to walk into the picture and pick up the marble or do you feel you can’t reach it or do you feel oblivious?

If you feel you can’t reach it, you may not perceive enough blue light today.

If you feel oblivious, you may not perceive enough red light today.

If you want to pick it up, then you are just fine the way you are!

I Prescribe my Own Glasses!

Having spectral sensitivity, I constantly feel that my vision is compromised. I have tried working with coloured tints but find that a pair of tints only works for a short time. When the light changes, they no longer work. This year I had not tints that worked from July to September so I decided to return to considering my prescription glasses.

Over the years I have been to the optician’s and have received a number of different prescriptions. I decided to scrutinise these. One said I have astigmatism in my left eye, another in my right, another in both eyes. Opticians have disagreed over the severity of my astigmatism and then one optician identified a squint. I looked at my prescriptions and wondered what I should do.

I had noticed previously that when when I wore glasses, the shape the frames made always felt like a rectangle going smaller over my right eye. I wondered why this was but guessed it was just the best I could do with glasses. However now since reconsidering, I feel pretty sure this happens when my squint comes into operation. Next I thought about my astigmatism. I like working with charts on my computer which are always in grids, and it is obvious when my astigmatism is a problem. I can no longer manage the grids.

My astigmatism and squint symptoms are definitely seasonal. They change with the changing light. So I decided to observe my symptoms as the year progresses, create my own prescriptions and buy cheap experimental glasses online.

So far I bought some glasses for my astigmatism in September (0.25 strength in both eyes) and they worked! Then they stopped working at the end of September and I had no glasses again. I happened to have another pair with a 0.25 in one lens so I played around with 0.5 strength by covering my eye with 2 lenses at the same time. I could see this was good so I bought a pair of 0.5’s. They are working into October in the mornings. Once the light gets brighter around lunch time, I need something else. I dared to buy some low strength astigmatism glasses with a prism (as prescribed by one of my opticians). These work great when the light is bright. In fact, I am wearing them now and my binocular vision is so good that I am able to write a blog post in October. Previously I haven’t been able to do this.

As the year develops, I will continue to observe my vision and prescribe myself any other glasses I think I need.

When my vision is compromised, I struggle with focus, tracking and scanning between distances. I have very good visual acuity and these symptoms are all very subtle. However, due to my sensitivity, these symptoms are enough to stop me in my tracks! I struggle to focus on daily activities, I struggle to read comfortably and to plan ahead, and I struggle to think outside of the box, analyse, assess and see things from another’s perspective. I feel like I am stuck, living only in one dimension and unable to move.

Expression is a Joy When You Can Connect

My son and I experience the spectrum differently to most people which affects the way we connect.

From January to the end of March I am struggling to see and feel enough blue light. I find it hard to process my own thoughts and what other people are saying. My 12 year old son keeps talking to me about his programming projects but unless I really focus and try super hard to understand by asking questions, the information feels like a blur to me. It struggles to get into my brain!

Then suddenly at the end of March, it as if the fog lifts. I can see and hear more clearly. However, rather ironically, when I see enough blue, my son stops seeing it. I ‘see’ this as a strained vacant expression in his eyes. He also becomes less hands on with things and appears less connected in his feet. I know he wants to take an interest in other people but he really finds it impossible to listen to any of my ramblings or suggestions! He is better playing with his friends online where the fun, humour and creativity manage to jump the gap between his desire and ability to connect.

At first when my son starts to struggle to connect, I feel all sorts of feelings – annoyance, anger and disappointment. But when I ‘get’ it, I realise these feelings are misplaced. My son is already in pain – feeling the pain of struggling to connect. He doesn’t need me adding to that. I have to accept him as he is, be patient and wait to hear his bright voice and see his quirky smile again. This will only happen when the light is more favourable for him. And lets hope that by then, it hasn’t become less favourable for me!

The Light Can be Kind, The Light Can Give, The Light Can Take Away!

I was wondering today why our 12 year old son, who has atypical spectral sensitivity, comes to life after dark but only in the middle of June and October to December! Why doesn’t he come to life after dark at other times of the year? I have been so puzzled because after all, even being colour sensitive, in the darkness, colour should no longer be an issue.

Of course, I have realised today, it is because the light has given to him or been kind to him on those days. In June, even though the light is very bright, it feels more balanced to my son and so he has a better day. He feels good and can enjoy doing more things that he is passionate about. The brightness and balance somehow inspires and energises him. So by the evening his energy is actually in credit. He has extra energy to enjoy.

In the winter, the light may not be giving so much but it feels kinder to my son. In the dimmer light, the feeling of imbalance no longer rattles him in every cell of his body, like it does at other times of the year. So by the evening he is keen to find his torch and go walking in the fields in the dark. Or he is up for a badger hunt! Or he wants to go on a late evening picnic! On these sorts of evenings we see our son as he really is – confident, chatty, energetic and full of humour. He suddenly relaxes in the kindness of the light.

How is the light treating you today? Is it being kind, giving or is it taking away?

My Power Comes from Imbalance, not Balance!

I wanted to be balanced – I really did – but that is not my destiny.

I live in a nearly continuous state of imbalance because of my reaction to the light spectrum. In fact, if the light ever feels balanced, I feel quite lost and don’t know what to do with myself!

Today for instance – another cloudy rainy day in the UK. Thankfully I perceive enough blue light to feel open hearted. However, I don’t feel grounded (low red light), I always have my friend, the violet light, though, energising, inspiring and pushing me on to higher and greater things.

I can do much with my perception of violet light. I can get to the heart of things and put on my analytical creative hat. I can work with data and make deductions and build theories. I wouldn’t become the crazy analyst if the light was balanced. I am pretty sure I would be doing something a lot more mundane!

Balance is nice if you can get it but maybe a little ordinary. It is imbalance that leads you into the extra-ordinary and and if you hold its hand, it will take you on the most exciting journey!

I Don’t Get to Choose How I Connect Each Day

Having studied all the emotional psychological connections with what I feel in my body, that I can, plus all my reactions to the way I see the spectrum, I am now convinced that I don’t get to choose how I connect each day.

I thought I could heal and become all things I wanted – to be open- hearted, enjoy intimacy, give my gifts to world, have a strong powerful voice, follow my vision, be happy to be vulnerable, work with my cycles and rhythms and find where I belong.

And I have achieved all these things to a point. But it wasn’t the point I was dreaming of! I thought if I could become whole, I could just get on with things!

But wholeness isn’t all about me. I can’t be whole by myself. It isn’t possible. So God made me really sensitive to the light spectrum just to make sure I knew that!

But, ever ambitious, I have had a similar attitude with the light spectrum, almost expecting to be able to outsmart my reaction to it. After all, if I don’t perceive enough blue light, then I just need to be a bit more open-hearted. If I don’t perceive enough red light, then I just need to be more aware of my physical connection with the world

But how far can this new insight take me, I wondered?

If I just open my heart, could I get on the next plane to the Middle East and help refugees?

If I just let in trillions of support, could I foster a houseful of children?

If I do everything I can to make myself feel really secure, could I jump out of a plane?

Aaaargghhh!! NO, I CAN’T

I can heal myself, which I have done, but now I have to be part of the world. I don’t perceive enough red light in February so I don’t even feel grounded enough to bake a batch of biscuits, let alone jump out of a plane! I can’t make myself feel grounded. I can only do things that help to give me a greater feeling of security.

I can’t make myself feel anything. I can only be open to feeling. I don’t get to choose how I can connect each day!

Anxiety – Does it all Really Come from Within?

If you had asked me the question – “Does all anxiety come from within?” a few years ago I would have said “Yes” without hesitation. And as a result of thinking this, I have had a lot of therapy and worked long and hard with my self development, expecting to resolve my insecure anxious feelings and thoughts.

A Story

Today I woke up feeling bright and breezy and decided it would be a good day to go with my family to a small seaside town and play mini-golf. Now, for our complicated family, it is amazing to just get out of the door, let alone make it down to the beach and participate in an activity! But I felt the light was good, my energy felt good and it was worth giving it a try.

As soon as I decided to go out, I felt my anxiety levels raise. I started thinking about all the things we needed – rucksacks, juice, chocolate, tissues, paracetemol . . .! I then told myself that this was just like any trip for us. We would take the same things for an appointment at the hairdressers! So I relaxed a bit. But I noticed I still didn’t feel as grounded as I had felt when I first got up. My legs were a bit achy and physical tasks like carrying things around the house were starting to feel difficult. I then realised the light had changed – I was perceiving less red light than when I first woke up. I wondered if I still really felt like going out. But of course, with a 12 year old who is excited about the prospect of mini-golf by the seaside, you don’t really get a choice. With the suggestion comes a commitment!

So . . I committed and off we went! When we arrived, I felt the same as I had done at home – happy, pleased to be alive but ungrounded. How does this feel? Well . . it feels like my legs aren’t as substantial as the rest of me. This feeling used to make me feel insecure but it doesn’t any more because I recognise it and understand it. At the seaside today, I knew I was safe and all was well and it was this knowing that I depended on. The real give away with how my perception of the light affected me, was just how much my legs ached when I had to climb lots of steps to get to the golf course. I felt as if I had run a marathon in the last 3 days, it was so painful. Also, when the energy is low in my legs, I have a tendency to pull muscles in my knees so I have to be super careful how I I use my legs and the rest of my body.

At the mini-golf I felt just OK. When you don’t feel grounded, it is harder to feel more than OK sometimes. it takes a distraction like seeing an amazing gull or getting a hole in one to feel more than OK. This feeling of just being OK can raise the alarm that something isn’t right but I am used to the feeling now and just stay calm and go with it. As I say, I know I am safe and that all is well.

My son, who is 12, has a similar experience to me. As he is a child and not always thinking rationally, small things can knock him off balance emotionally, and have massive impact on him physically. After the game of golf, we decided to go to the fish shop which was at the bottom of a very steep hill. I could see the pain on my son’s face as he walked down the hill, and the fear in his eyes that he might not make it back to the car. I remember this feeling so well from when I was a child. I would sometimes feel that I could not walk another step. But there is nothing wrong with our legs. Having rested a little on the drive home, my son got out the car and ran to check on his pet doves. I just got on with life as normal.

Not being grounded and having low energy in our legs does affect our daily life but it affects us much more when we try to go out and have some fun!

Anxiety definitely doesn’t always come from within. Sometimes we don’t know what is affecting us. We just know we don’t feel right.