It’s Harder for Some of Us to See Out and for Others to See In.

I have wondered my whole life why my face appears so unrelaxed when I catch sight of myself in a mirror. And it is more than this – it is as if I am struggling to connect through my eyes. There is just the odd occasion when I look in the mirror and think ‘Oh, there you are, so you do exist after all!’

Now I know that it all has to do with my difficulty in always perceiving enough blue light. I am not talking about violet or green or any other colour – no, specifically blue. I always have this feeling at this time of year from half way through February to the beginning of April. I discern enough violet light (I know that because my brain is so active, intuitive and creative,) but I am struggling to perceive blue light. I know this because I can feel quite alone and struggle to be a team player.

As I see my own and other people’s energy, I am able to find clues to connection and disconnection, that others may not have. When I perceive too little blue light, I literally see a band of low energy going across my eyes. I find myself trying to connect with people through eye contact but not really feeling the connection I want. I feel open-hearted, but it is amazing how cut off you can feel when you struggle to connect through your eyes.

I have to learn other ways to connect – voice, feelings, touch, smell, taste, movement – whilst I am waiting for the blue light to come back!

ADHD and Seeing Too Little Red and Blue Light

As my tendency is always to see higher violet light than is usual, I know now that I can sometimes see too little of any other colour on the spectrum.

This is happening right now at the beginning of March. With the high violet light, I am seeing too little blue light. I am feeling as if I am struggling to connect with anything. I have really high energy in both my hands and feet but that energy doesn’t feel connected with the rest of me.

My energy feels low in my lower arms and lower legs and the reason is that I see too little red light. I don’t feel grounded and present in myself. This energy pattern causes a block between my energy to do something (connection with the world being felt in my hands and feet) and my emotional connection (felt in my abdomen, heart and throat).

When I perceive both red and blue light as low, I feel a particular kind of disconnection. I find it harder than usual to connect with my purpose.

Signs and symptoms: I feel agitated, need people around but get stressed with much interaction. I think people are being abrupt with me when they are not. I feel grumpy, easily stressed and over-stimulated. My only release is to flit around doing a bit of this and a bit of that. I need to move when I think, walk when I speak, and am just about managing to stop my brain from whirring too wildly.

I wonder if this is a little of what it feels like to have ADHD. Are people with ADHD finding it difficult to connect with their purpose?

My solution: I do something that feels really meaningful to me like writing this post. Although I don’t feel fully connected, I at least feel the energy in my hands and feet, and I have to accept that this is my way of connecting today. I connect by speaking my truth.