Antibiotics or Talking about Connection? – My Choice!

jaw pain

I have had a hec of a Christmas!

Nearly every year I suffer with jaw pain at Christmas. It usually starts three weeks before Christmas and builds to some sort of crescendo around Christmas Day! Over the year I have named it Christmasitis!

And this year I planned an easy, no pressure, cosy little family Christmas. So how could it all go so wrong?

Because . . . I can only connect with myself in any moment of time and that means I could feel  anything. I might feel quiet, feisty, inspired, introspective, active, inactive, sociable or more insular. I might feel any way on Christmas Day!

And. . . I can’t pretend and I can’t act.

This year I was enjoying my simple, cosy little family Christmas in the first instance . . .or was I? I seem to remember in the morning I tidied out the entire games cupboard. I was deciding which coloured games were good for me at this time of year (as you do, or rather, as most people don’t do!) Then I remember having a little strop about having too many boxes in the hall and pleading with my husband to take some of them to the garage or put them in the loft! But oh no!  It was Christmas Day – How dare I have a little strop?!

By 2:00 my jaw pain was starting to develop on the right side of my face so I took some pain killers. By tea time I absolutely couldn’t eat. I didn’t sleep that night, took more pain killers  and the next day phoned the out of hours dentist. He suggested it could be a tooth infection or a sinus infection. We spent Boxing Day going to town for some antibiotics.

The thing is . . . I don’t really think I have an infection but I have never taken so many tablets in a couple of days. Usually I am wary when it comes to pain killers. But this time the pain has been different. It has been a deep emotional pain and at times I have cried real deep tears. I have just been willing to do anything to numb the terrible pain. But it isn’t really going and that is why I am writing this.

Because . . . It is OK to be myself, it is to ask for my needs and it is OK to speak my truth – on any day of the year! (even if it’s Christmas!)

A Highly Colour Sensitive Christmas!

snow light 3

For me colours are changing all the time. Sometimes they have life and sometimes they don’t.  And this is obviously a big problem at Christmas. This is my story this year . . .

I sorted through our Christmas decorations today and was shocked to realise that I struggle with the colour of most of them! With the orange light of this time of year, the reds all look funny to me and most of the golds look too orange and sort of heavy and dull. I always struggle with green so this year we are making a buff willow tree. I will post a picture if we ever get it together! I am keeping my shell decorations. I like the way the light shines through them. And I am keeping some baubles that are the right shade of gold and a bit glittery and to me have life in them. I’m keeping our buff coloured porcelain birds in hats and scarves that sit on the mantlepiece and I am keeping 2 white fluffy doves for our new willow tree! I am happy with my minimalist Christmas collection. I will be adding more things I truly love (and not just those I think I should like) over the years!!

My husband is amazed that I have never identified my problem with colour until now. To be honest, so am I! I have always wondered why I got so hot and stressed at Christmas when we decorated the house and opened the presents. I always couldn’t wait to clear all the boxes and wrapping away and then I tried to make sense of all the colour and clutter that was left behind. I would look at it and know that something was wrong but until this year I never knew what it was!