Fear of Separation is Always at the Heart of Anxiety

waving goodbye

The biggest epidemic in our societies today is separation (disconnection with self and the world)  It is this feeling that leads people to suffer with low self esteem, live a life where they find it difficult to be true to themselves and ultimately dis-ease.   So why do we feel separate?  We send our children to childcare and nursery school, separating them from the essential mother child bond for hours at a time before they are barely able to hold their heads up.  Many families are separated by broken marriages.   Many families who live together live quite separate lives.  Many of us don’t know our neighbours. We travel separately and don’t meet in towns as we used to.  Isn’t it amazing when it snows and we meet people in the street, walking to town to get some bread because the Waitrose delivery lorry couldn’t get through and our car won’t start? That’s my favourite day of the year!

Some of us choose a form of spirituality that continues in us this feeling of separateness. We separate ourselves from the rest of the world when we feel that we have the answers.  We separate ourselves from the goodness of the world when we decide that we have to eat this food and that food and do this thing and that thing just to survive on the planet.  We separate ourselves from our very beings when we try to empty ourselves in spiritual practices and meditation.  We separate ourselves from God when we decide that we are in control and that we can use the power of our thoughts to draw to ourselves what we want.

Anxiety has little to do with being dependent on a significant other.  This is simply the symptom.  The cause is a sense of separation that runs deep in the core of our being.  It may have happened at our birth or in childhood, we may have inherited it from our parents but however it happened, I believe it is our deepest journey to find our sense of safety within ourselves and the world.  When we find that feeling, we will no longer tolerate separateness and we will do everything in our power to create strong bonds with our children, our families and the world.  We will fall into God’s arms and gladly admit that we can’t do it on our own.

All we all really want is to feel safe, loved and at home in ourselves and the world.

How do You Keep Your Heart Open?

holding-hands

I know I ‘see’ people’s energy but it doesn’t mean I have all the answers to life, the universe and everything! However I have some answers and answers come when we ask questions. The question I have been asking for a long time is ‘How do we keep our hearts open?’ I’ve asked this question because I know how good open heartedness feels. We don’t just feel warm and fuzzy but we breath better, digest better, speak with more conviction, think more clearly,  have a strong back, energetic legs, enthusiastic arms  and happily let in others. I also know that closing our hearts can cause us to feel the opposite of all the above leading to anxiety, depression and fatigue.

So . . . How Do We Keep Our Hearts Open?

We need to:-

  • Embrace the wonderful feeling of security in our lives – home, friends, family, community, nature, routine – anything that helps us feel more secure.

  • Connect with something that makes us feel inspired – art, music, movement, nature,  our passions.

  • Express our true selves and speak our truth.

  • Know we are loved and good enough as we are.

  • Trust God/Our Purpose.

So . . . What Closes Our Hearts?

  • Trying to be independent.

  • Connecting with things that don’t inspire us.

  • Living too much in our heads and our thinking.

  • Believing we are unlovable and that there is something inherently wrong with us.

  • Trusting only ourselves.

    Which do you choose?

 

 

 

 

Budding Visionaries and Music – They Don’t Need You to Be Musical

I come from a musical family and am musical myself. We have lots of instruments around in our home. However I go through long periods of times when I might not pick an instrument up. And when I do I don’t do anything by the book. I will likely fiddle around with my guitar and try to write a song or play my violin to a backing track that inspires me. So Luca grew up with music around him but not really immersed in it.  

When he was 4 we decided to buy Luca a violin as this is one of the instruments I play.  It is not an easy instrument to hold  let alone play! And if you don’t hold it reasonably correctly you find you can’t play it at all! This was a sticking point for Luca. He didn’t see why he should have to try so hard just to make a sound on a wooden box with some hair on a stick! So the violin went back into its box and stayed there!

All the other instruments that Luca plays on his videos (please see below,) he picks up himself with no prompting from us.  We had a ukelele on the wall, an old harmonica in a cupboard, a set of chime bars that we hardly ever played, and bought him a toy accordian one Christmas. He made his own drum set from a set of packaging boxes he found in our hall one day.  He also found his own backing tracks – music on his toy radio and on his toy laptop.  The words – well, they just come straight out of his heart – whatever he is feeling or thinking in the moment. 

You don’t need to be musical to inspire your child to play music. As long as they have a few instruments around them and listen to music they can find their way by themselves. In fact this is exactly what our sensitive intuitive children like doing. They like leading the way, finding their own inspiration and dancing to the beat of their own drum.

Below is a playlist including some of Luca’s creative musical antics. His first concert includes songs he knows but after that he lets loose.  On his journey we discover the magic and challenges of Luca’s extreme sound sensitivity.  His  journey also takes him through chronic fatigue and out the other side. I hope you find these videos inspiring. We look forward to your comments.

 

Our Body, Our Intention, Our Dance!

Today I tried to teach my son something about movement and energy. He seems to burn up a lot of energy making a whole lot of movements he doesn’t really do with control or intention. He does this all day long! This is quite normal child behaviour but when you are creative and intuitive you only thrive when you feel deep connection with yourself, others and your environment so self awareness is a must.  I taught my son that we may not be in control of our energy to the point that we can turn it down or off but we are in control or our intention to use our energy. When we line up our intention with our energy that is when we feel good!

Might your Sound Sensitive Child be Highly Musical?

This is what can happen when you give your sound sensitive child a keyboard, help them choose the sounds they like and teach them 3 chords. You don’t need to be musical yourself – just find a simple music theory book and teach yourself the basics about scales, chords and keys. Or even better  . . give the book to your child and let them teach you! 

Deep Feelings – Processing for Others!

beachball

Have you ever had a situation where you have gone through something traumatic and your child seems to have ‘picked up’ your feelings . Maybe after the event you notice a change in their behaviour or they seem fatigued or distanced. Below is a simple way that you can help your child process trauma or difficult situations – either their own experiences or other peoples’

Our story:  ‘Healing Mum’s Trauma’

I had an implant and Luca (8)  was in the waiting room. This conversation took place 4 days after the event.

Jennie (Mum): What’s the matter? You don’t seem right today?

Luca: I think I have caught your dentist time. It has got stuck in me and I can’t get it out.

Jennie (Mum) : Oh dear, I wonder how you could let go of that.  Could you draw or paint it out?

Luca: I don’t think I can let go of it because if I let it out it will smash.

Jennie (Mum): Why would it smash? What does this thing look like?

Luca: It is like a rock in a tube.

Jennie (Mum): Become the rock. What does it feel like to be the rock?

Luca: Well, I am made from lots of different things and trying to protect myself

Jennie (Mum) What are you trying to protect?

Luca: My core.

Jennie (Mum) What does it feel like to be your core?

Luca: I’m a pebble.

Jennie (Mum) Why are you trying to protect your core?

Luca: Because then I won’t feel any bad feelings.

Jennie (Mum): Is this about me going to the dentist

Luca: Yes, I think so.

Jennie (Mum): Maybe it’s OK to feel those feelings. Maybe you’re processing them for me. I had a little cry after the dentist. Maybe you need a little cry too. Perhaps you felt my pain.

Luca: Yes, I think I did.(looking weepy and as if he is trying to hold in tears)

Jennie (Mum): It’s ok to cry. When we have a hard shell things can hurt us and puncture us but when we are soft, sharp things can’t get through. They still touch us but they just go ping, we go ‘Ah’  and they fall to the ground.

Luca laughs

Jennie (Mum): After all the softest membrane is the strongest of them all!

To read more about this way of working with your sensitive child and how to heal or help others heal by embracing the power of vulnerability please read my book ‘The Beauty of Vulnerability – Being Healed & Being a Healer’

 

 

Creative Intuitives – Painting the Feeling of Life!

Everyone’s feeling about life are different. Some feel things deeply,  others less deeply. My son’s friend came round and we sat and chatted about some experiences that meant a lot to us. Then we painted them.

Luca painting

The Adventures of My Toy Lamb, Tray by Luca ( age 7)

Jacob painting

The Day a Potter Came to School – Me Making My Pot by Jacob (age 7)

Jennie painting

Connecting With the World – My Big Strong Arms by Jennie (age 47)