When we find our voice to speak out who we are and can freely express through our bodies, we feel better about ourselves and our lives. We find it easier to give ourselves what we need, to self regulate and to embrace all that is good around us.
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I wake up every morning and sense in myself what is happening with my relationship with the light, and how it is likely to affect me that day.
I have made a discovery this year about the green light. I can often find green hard to look at, and so assumed I had a tendency to see too much green light. However, I have come to realise that sometimes I don’t see enough. Just now in February as the light is not at its brightest, and I perceive a lot of blue and violet light, I don’t see enough green.
As I feel green light in my shoulder, neck and jaw, seeing too little green light can leave me feeling pretty crabby! I feel that I can’t relax my neck and shoulders and I have pain under my occiput. And worse than that, my sensitivities are heightened through the roof. I particularly can’t tolerate the sound of the taps in our house and today listening to my husband take a shower, felt like torture. I tried putting music on, moving somewhere else in the house, but nothing worked. I felt the sound like a drill in my head, sending a jangled feeling all through my body.
Even writing this post, I feel jangled by the sound of my keys and the light from the screen.
The good thing is though that I know now that my most jangled days are when I see less green light. And knowledge is power.
The hard thing is asking for help on a day when I struggle to feel support. And my day feels all about survival. How do you live in a house where there are everyday noises when you feel so sensitive?
I don’t like dragging people down into my problems. I like my family to be happy and to have a calm home. But on days when my sensitivities are extreme, the most I can hope for is that we support each other and help each other through our feelings of helplessness.
It is not my sensitivities that nearly break me on the low green light days. It is having to let go of my pride and my need to make everything OK and everyone happy all the time. I have to feel enough in my broken state.
As a visionary, my daily experience is seeing mine and other people’s energy and this gives me clues as to what might be going on at a deeper level in myself and with other people. I have been observing people’s energy for 20 years now and I feel particularly drawn to observe the energy of the more highly sensitive people in the world. In this, I include those with ADD, ADHD and autism.
I have seen the same pattern over and over again in more sensitive people. The pattern I see is low energy in a person’s legs, low energy around a person’s heart but a lot of energy around a person’s head, neck and shoulders. I have wondered what this means. Why is a person not feeling their heart energy or their grounded energy?
After studying my reaction to the light in some depth over the last 3 years, I now believe I have some answers. We need to perceive enough red light to feel grounded. We need to perceive enough yellow light to feel emotionally connected. If we don’t perceive enough red and/or yellow light, it changes who we are. With poor perception of red light, we don’t feel anchored and struggle to feel safe. This is why we become anxious and change feels scary. With poor perception of yellow light, we feel less emotionally connected than others. We can still feel but we struggle to feel deeply. We need greater intensity to feel enough and then the greater intensity feels too much because we are not grounded. So we seek a lot of intensity in our thoughts, which explains the energy I see around people’s heads. I believe this is related our perception of blue and violet light. We become adept at sorting through concepts and ideas and we enjoy making connections with our thinking because we are struggling to make connections emotionally. We use ideas and concepts like hugs. We replay actions and thoughts because they are comforting to us. It is our way of connection.
I speak as if I am autistic but I am not. I do have atypical spectral sensitivity, though, and know how it feels to struggle with connection.
To read more about mine and my son’s journey with atypcial spectral sensitivity please take a look at my book.
Living by the Colours I See in the Light: The Joys and Challenges of Having Atypical Spectral Sensitivity