Why Visionaries Don’t Have Friends – Just Meaningful Encounters

 

happy thoughts

We’re not good every day givers as we are always saving some of our energy for our big plan – our vision

The muse might turn up and tell us to do something, say something or go somewhere which is tricky when you have arranged a coffee with someone and are required to do chit chat!

We tend to be one tracked. We don’t have that much energy to talk about things that are not in some way related to our vision.

We’re not good at hanging out OUT as we tend to be sensitive to everything. Take us out to a shopping mall and all the sights, sounds and smells will quickly become too much. Take us out for a walk and we may find the place too lonely or not like the sound of the wind! Yes, it can be that difficult!

Intensity is our only state and we are only really happy if we feel a lot of energy in a conversation or an activity. Once we feel the energy go down we are miserable and just want out!

So all in all we’re not too good at friendship. People can be intrigued by us for a while but when all the above kicks in we don’t see them for dust!

However we are excellent at meaningful encounters.

 

 

Colour Sensitivity – Me and My White Kitchen!

Luca Cooking

We have lived in our house for 20 years and in that time we have never had a new kitchen. Our kitchen was a sort of yellowy cream yellowing with age with wood trim, slightly pinky walls and a very geometric patterned floor in reds and browns. I know – it doesn’t sound to good does it?! But you just get used to these things.

When I tried to cook in our kitchen I felt a strange sensation in my legs, a bit like I was being pulled down into a swamp.  And I would feel less and less energy in myself until I would feel like screaming and giving up. Often I wouldn’t finish cooking a meal. My husband would have to come and rescue me! And then I would get very cross if people weren’t appreciative of my efforts because I had suffered so much to do it.

Now I know – I was feeling a sensitivity to the geometric pattern on the floor and the dark brown colour of our gas hob.

When I tried to wash up in our kitchen I would feel a jangly sensation in my body. I would also go very hot, would feel achy and my face would always itch. I tried using washing up liquid without perfume but it didn’t help.

Now I know – I was sensitive to the grey colour of the stainless steel sink and also to the finish of the stainless steel itself. When light falls on stainless steel especially brushed steel it moves in a certain way creating rings and lines that were giving me a feeling of unease.

When I tried to eat in our kitchen I couldn’t taste my food. I would keep saying to my baker husband “Are you sure you put salt in the bread?” because I just couldn’t taste it. I would choose sweet things sometimes just because I could taste them better.

Now I know – Firstly I was sensitive to the blue light in our fridge so even looking for food in the fridge made me feel unwell and much colder than would be normal for a person to feel with the fridge open. Next I was sensitive to the appearance of the colours of some of the packaging under the poor lighting of our kitchen. Next I was sensitive to the orange pine colour of our kitchen table. And finally I was sensitive to the green rim of our Denby pottery plates. No wonder I couldn’t taste my food!

Solution

We finally have our new kitchen. It is not all clinical white as that would be too cold and not good for us at all. We have light ivory cupboard doors that have a certain warmth. We have surf white work surfaces which make every coloured package on the top appear more to their true colour. We have a white composite sink and white tap. We have a white glass splashback and upstand and a white glass hob and white oven.  All the whites are slightly different – a little blue, a little green here and there – but I like this. Our floor will be a polished concrete effect vinyl and our walls F & B All White paint. Our lights are all dimmable.

Yes, it does look cool (!) but more importantly it feels amazing. I fully interact with the kitchen, happily going in the cupboards and drawers, using the sink and the hob etc. Whereas my kitchen used to repel me, now it it draws me in and hugs me. I feel very alive and I tend to do things more slowly than I used to as this feeling of calm overtakes me. I no longer rush to get out of my kitchen. I relish the time I spend in there and look forward to it taking me on many happy cooking journeys.

My son (11) who takes sensitivity to a whole new level and literally would spend no time in our kitchen and not even eat with us now goes in there and dances around happily wanting to learn to cook and do everything himself. It is the most amazing thing to see.

So . . . how do you feel in your kitchen? Is it helping you to nourish yourself or hampering you?

To read more about mine and my son’s experiences of colour sensitivity please see my book:-

I Can’t Sit on That Red Chair – The Relationship Between Sensory Processing Difficulties and Colour Sensitivity

 

 

 

 

Colour Sensitivity – What Does it Feel Like?

blue sky

Colour Sensitivity feels like being a human spectrometer! I pick up every change in the colour, quality and feel of light.

I am not colour blind and I do see colour very clearly but it just changes a lot.

On a November day I may be driving and suddenly notice the sky appears quite turquoise and the grass appears quite bluey green. The seagulls appear whiter than last time I looked and the cattle more reddy brown. I feel as if I am driving though a painting.

My Explanation

Typically in November the red light in the atmosphere is starting to increase. This is fact. So why is the sky turquoise? Because I am seeing less yellow light and so my sky is made up of red, orange, blue, violet and green. The seagulls appear more white and the cattle more reddy brown because I am not picking up yellow. Why am I seeing less yellow light? At certain times of the year when the light is dim compared to mid summer I seem to see from either end of spectrum, picking up more of the blues, indigos and violets from one end and more reds, oranges and greens from the other end.  Yellow appears to be low sometimes.

However . . . just a month previously yellow was bouncing off the walls. I couldn’t bear to go to Bradfords (a local Building Suppliers) because all the yellow lines on the car-park jumped out at me. Why was this? Because the light was that bit brighter (being earlier in the year) and so I was still picking up yellow. But now I wasn’t picking up enough red (as this increases later in the year)  and lacking red makes yellow far too bright for my brain.

And in the Spring, I go through the same pattern in reverse. In February I lack yellow and in March it jumps off the walls again!

Then as the light gets even brighter the colours balance themselves until mid summer when I really start to lack red and feel that I see too much blue. Again it is fact that there are more shorter lightwaves (blue and violet) in the atmosphere in the summer and less longer ones (red and orange). Colours appear drained and/or strange. I can sit in Waitrose car-park and think “Did people really choose these paint colour for their cars?!”

So . . . too much yellow, not enough yellow, not enough red, too much blue. . . This is my daily experience. No colours are constant. Even the grass changes its colour on a daily basis.

The best I can do is live with the change and embrace it. I don’t focus on colours I don’t like or that feel uncomfortable to me. I focus on the ones that make me feel good.

If you would like to know more about my experience of colour sensitivity please check out my book:-

‘I Can’t Sit on That Red Chair!’

 

 

The Problem with Gaming is . . .

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I have a 11 year old son who is big time into gaming – even if isn’t all rough and killing people – it is still gaming! Minecraft is still gaming.

I am constantly telling my son what I think the problems with gaming are and he said I should write a post! So here it is . . .

My Son’s Story

My son, Luca, has a visual problem which means he feels more comfortable using the screen than he does in real life. This has been a dilemma for me. I was the Mum who said ‘only 2 hours of computer a day’ and really stuck to that. But over the years the time has climbed and climbed and now sometimes it is 11 hours before Luca emerges tired and agitated from his computer screen.

I have feared for my son’s eyes. I have feared for his nervous system. But I have felt powerless to change anything because my son would just complain of multiple symptoms if he had to encounter daylight, especially sunlight, without the screen. And I knew he wasn’t pretending. His distress is genuine. If I mentioned the word ‘rest’ he would wince at the thought of doing nothing without the screen. So I thought ‘Either my son has a supernatural ability to manage 10 -11 hours of computer time or something is going to give.’  And surprise surprise, it turns out he doesn’t have supernatural powers! (Well not that sort anyway!)

Following a bout of wobbly toothitis, poor eating and lack of sleep, Luca’s body started to send some messages that all was not OK.  He started to have spasms in his gut developing into typical IBS symptoms. Weakness in the gut tends to run in our family and I just hoped Luca would be exempt but apparently not. Thankfully due to my own lengthy experience of working with my own health I knew what to do.

1.Help Luca with his diet. We talked about his body making too much acid as he had too many complex carbohydrates and too much sugar. Also constant excitement or anger contributes to us making too much acid. He had been living on pasta and cheese, bourbon biscuits and multiple hours of Minecraft games and videos! We talked about the need for balance in the diet with protein, less wheat grain, some oats, some rice, some fruit and vegetables (to alkalise the acid)  and some dairy. We avoid beans and pulses and much raw food as we don’t feel this is easy for us to digest. And we drink 1 tbsp of kefir a day –  a life saving remedy for anyone prone to yeast problems. All quite basic really and my son already knew it but suddenly he found more motivation to try to achieve it.

2. Teach Luca about rest and comfort. He says he just can’t rest but when he knew he felt too unwell to use his computer he did find the capacity to rest. We sat and watched cookery programmes together. He said that when our new neutral coloured kitchen is complete (in a few weeks time) he is looking forward to doing some cooking and trying out some recipes. As we sat together Luca actually let me cuddle him and he usually resists all contact because he is so hot, agitated and over stimulated from gaming. He usually just paces and twirls around the room talking one endless Minecraft monologue! I sit and listen and try to resist feeling dizzy and spaced out as much as I can!  But on this occasion I felt Luca suddenly remember the wonderful benefits of being cuddled.  He felt unusually calm and grounded.

3. Teach Luca about finding his natural rhythm. The problem with gaming . . . as I say, is that children lose touch with their natural sense of rhythm. If they were playing a board game or riding their bike they would naturally get hungry, tired or just feel they have had enough of that activity. However when children game they have so much adrenaline in their systems that they are completely out of touch with their natural rhythm. Luca can easily go 4 hours without blinking. Scary really!

These are pretty simple things but they make a massive difference to a child’s health and well-being  Thankfully we can already see that if Luca eats well, has some rest, lets in some comfort and lives more to his own rhythm, he can stay well.

The problem with gaming . . . is that it can affect our health and well-being. Stay healthy!

 

 

 

Colour Sensitivity – Lightwatcher Story – February 1st 2019

 

Snow – wonderful snow!

For me and my son, snowy days are the best days.

We woke up to about 4 inches of snow today and Luca wasn’t really feeling that well so I guessed we wouldn’t be going out. But at about 10:00 Luca suddenly said he thought he should go out – that he would feel better if he did. He started doing that sudden needing things all at once thins that children do when they are excited! I feel like I am suddenly being blown around by a whirlwind!

Anyway we wrapped up warm and ventured into the snowy wastes! It has been a slow burn over the years for Luca liking snow. As a toddler, he disliked seeing us sledge down the slope away from him and burst into tears. As a smaller child he didn’t learn the art of wrapping up warm and so was always grumpy with cold. When we had ice he seemed quite distressed which we only understand in the light of knowing about his visual issue with water and glare. So this year is very special. Luca has decided that he REALLY LIKES SNOW. And more than that – snow makes him feel really good as I find too.

Outside today I noticed that Luca’s eyes were open wide and I could see their real beautiful blue in the light. And his pupils were small, as were mine and my husband’s. Usually Luca’s pupils are bigger that ours’ as he is trying to shut out the light. He appeared wide open to the experience of being outside in the snow. He was even happy to have me look at his eyes and happy to look at the camera. This was so unusual.

Now as a light theory person I have a theory. It is simply that white reflects all the colours of the spectrum and so looking at white is our most balanced experience of the spectrum. When we perceive the spectrum as BALANCED our light sensitivity disappears.

Fear of Separation is Always at the Heart of Anxiety

waving goodbye

The biggest epidemic in our societies today is separation (disconnection with self and the world)  It is this feeling that leads people to suffer with low self esteem, live a life where they find it difficult to be true to themselves and ultimately dis-ease.   So why do we feel separate?  We send our children to childcare and nursery school, separating them from the essential mother child bond for hours at a time before they are barely able to hold their heads up.  Many families are separated by broken marriages.   Many families who live together live quite separate lives.  Many of us don’t know our neighbours. We travel separately and don’t meet in towns as we used to.  Isn’t it amazing when it snows and we meet people in the street, walking to town to get some bread because the Waitrose delivery lorry couldn’t get through and our car won’t start? That’s my favourite day of the year!

Some of us choose a form of spirituality that continues in us this feeling of separateness. We separate ourselves from the rest of the world when we feel that we have the answers.  We separate ourselves from the goodness of the world when we decide that we have to eat this food and that food and do this thing and that thing just to survive on the planet.  We separate ourselves from our very beings when we try to empty ourselves in spiritual practices and meditation.  We separate ourselves from God when we decide that we are in control and that we can use the power of our thoughts to draw to ourselves what we want.

Anxiety has little to do with being dependent on a significant other.  This is simply the symptom.  The cause is a sense of separation that runs deep in the core of our being.  It may have happened at our birth or in childhood, we may have inherited it from our parents but however it happened, I believe it is our deepest journey to find our sense of safety within ourselves and the world.  When we find that feeling, we will no longer tolerate separateness and we will do everything in our power to create strong bonds with our children, our families and the world.  We will fall into God’s arms and gladly admit that we can’t do it on our own.

All we all really want is to feel safe, loved and at home in ourselves and the world.

The Disregarded Art of Motherly Intuition

negotiating 3

I took my child to see an orthoptist about his vision issues when he was 9 and the first set of tests were fine. They were using cards and not a light to be seen! Then the orthoptist suggested my son would need a full examination that day in another room. I saw the colour drain from my son’s face and saw him holding back his tears.  Bright lights gave him terrible headaches and knock him out of sorts for hours. I reached over to touch his arm and said “It’s OK, We do everything as a family. You don’t have to do this today if you don’t want to. Or you could just give it a try. It is up to you.” I saw a pained look on the orthoptist’s face and looks were exchanged between him and his student who was in there observing the session. The look was saying startlingly obviously “ANXIOUS NEUROTIC PARENT ALERT” Things were written on bits of paper and the student was asked to take the message to the ophthalmologist. When we arrived in the ophthalmologist’s room she had a knowing look in her eyes. It said “I SEE YOU. YOU ARE THE ANXIOUS NEUROTIC PARENT!” My son was asked about the test and he said he would give it a go. The ophthalmologist said she would use her dimmer light first and it wasn’t long before my son refused to proceed with the test. Next came the expected – the criticism of Mum! The accusation that I was putting my anxiety onto my son by giving him the option of not taking the test.

How dare she?! She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know my story or the journey we are on.

I am NOT an anxious neurotic parent. I am simply a mother who knows herself, knows her son, knows her journey and TRUSTS HER INTUITION.

Please share your motherly intuition stories. I would love to hear them.

 

Proprioception Problems – Push Against a Wall or Connect with Your Passion? Your Choice

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Heavy energy                                                           Vibrant energy

 

What is Proproception?

Proprioception is the ability to feel our connection with the world around us – whether that is the chair we are sitting on or the pair of scissors we are cutting with. Or is it? Could it run a lot deeper than that? Could it actually be rooted in our connection or disconnection with ourselves?

My son who is 11 and I both have proprioception problems (in terms of struggling to feel our connection with the physical world) but we both reject standard forms of therapy such as lifting weights or pushing ourselves against a wall. if we try these things we find we actually feel worse.  On a deeper level we seem to feel an emptiness and feel more disconnected than ever.

So what should we do?

We need to find a different way to feel connected. We need to stop being too concerned about the strange feelings of our struggle with proprioception and find better feelings. And the better feelings are always about connecting with ourselves. And they are always 3 things:

Connecting with our voices

Connecting with our hearts

Connecting with our power to be ourselves.

And when we do that there are things that we enjoy more than anything else and that fill us to the brim more than anything else and these are RELATIONSHIP and CREATIVITY.

When we are spending time with someone we find warm, engaging and interesting and are actively contributing to that experience we feel GOOD

When we tune into our intuition and do something creative straight from our hearts we feel GOOD.

So . . .push against a wall or connect with your passion? . . . YOUR CHOICE!

 

Colour Sensitivity – Lightwatcher Story – 27th Dec 2018

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Wow – the fog today!

Here in Somerset UK this is what it is like outside my window. My 11 year old son kindly took this photo for me with his new action camera.

Although it is thick cloud, the light appears almost luminescent and violet. It reminds me a bit of the feeling I have when we have frost or snow. There is a powerful sense of white. And all the blues and violets around me feel very strong – as if there is too much energy in them.

How you might feel:

Full of ideas but finding it hard to formulate them.

Full of energy but struggling to find what to put it into.

My suggestion:

Stay close to community whether that is family or the larger community.

Enjoy your powerful feelings even though it may feel difficult to harness them and utilise them.

Trust in your connection with God, yourself and all things and don’t  worry about your fuzzy brain!

 

 

 

Colour Sensitivity – Christmas Day Cloud Therapy!

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Why did the light change yesterday?!

I have been sailing on through November and December thinking the light is good. I have been able to project manage our home improvements. I have even been able to sort CD’s and books and tolerate the constant chaos of stuff around us.

Then yesterday . . . my mood suddenly changed. And it wasn’t because it was Christmas Eve! I looked around me and realised I wasn’t seeing so much yellow but was seeing more orange in the light.  This usually makes me feel a bit downhearted. I was gutted, realising that is would likely be another struggle of a Christmas Day.

And here we are  . . Christmas Day . . . and lot of black cloud!!  And grumpy wife and mum.

What can I do to cheer myself? 

Sit in the only light there is and do my jigsaw puzzle that is full of whites and neutrals. This is the best Christmas Day Cloud Therapy there is!