Creative Intuitive Children, Mules and Mountains!

Let’s help our creative intuitive children feel in their hearts, find their voice, know their power and most all . . express the depths of their inner selves.

Healing with Jennie Williams

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I sometimes feel like one of those Mums who thinks they know best for their child and pushes them into a particular direction.

Or . . .  do I know best for my child and just won’t give up working away in their best interests?

I think the latter. 

We have a 9 year old who is sensitive, empathic, intuitive and creative. 

When he was big enough to hold a pencil Luca started to draw.  He drew spirals round and round pushing hard into the paper. They had so much energy I could hardly look at them! I don’t think too much into these things – just that he had a lot of expressive energy.

When he could hold a paint brush Luca started to paint. His pictures evolved – first a snail, then a snake, then a train, then a washing machine – all in one picture with a…

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Irlens Syndrome and Your Experience of Intimacy and Expansiveness

umbrela

I’m still waiting for my Irlens glasses . . . meanwhile I am trying to learn all I can about my experience of colour and light.

Yesterday was a hot sunny day.  My son who is 9 and also has Irlens Syndrome decided he wanted to go to the beach.  I thought ‘Well, this is the first time we have been to the beach since our Irlens diagnosis so it might be interesting!’

We arrived at the bustling seaside town of Lyme Regis (our nearest coastal town) and I had worn a fleece and a summer beany because I am always cold and feel shivery in the sun. As soon as I got out of the car I realised that in my effort to stay warm I had forgotten to bring a hat with a brim to shelter me from the sunlight so our first stop was the hat shop! From a small collection of hats on a stand outside a little seaside store I chose a hat. I wouldn’t usually choose anything so quickly but the light from the sun felt unbearable and the buzz on the prom and the nearby icecream store was beginning to jangle me. There was no mirror, it was slightly too large but my husband said it looked good and I had no intention of taking it off so we bought it!

Under the refuge of my hat I still needed to find shade so we went up into the park that rises steeply and looks out over the sea. It is a considerable slope and there were many steps to climb. My legs felt like lead.  Strange – they were fine when I got up that morning. Ah, it must have been the light. When we reached our shady spot I felt relieved. I looked out over the bay and thought about the colours. The blue sky was ok to me through my sunglasses that have a brown tint. The sea I could tell was a gorgeous combination of blues and deep turquoises but my reaction did not match my perception. I felt unmoved by the colours. They were ok to me probably because of their luminescence – otherwise I may I felt repelled by them. I then thought about how I felt in other ways. I felt very ungrounded and pretty disconnected with myself and my family. I felt like everything was too big – the sea, the sky – and I asked myself the question ‘What am I doing there if it doesn’t make me happy?’

By this time I wanted to go home but my son reminded me that we had to go to the beach. Oh no, I looked down at the beach and all the buzz and colours and the walk in the bright sunlight to get there . . . and  then I conceded that I would give it a try.

When we had climbed down the slope and reached the streets running adjacent to the beach I felt ok but when we arrived at the beach itself I was amazed to find that the sand looked glary to me – sandy coloured and glary! Why had I never noticed this before? So many times I haven’t been happy on a beach but I hadn’t realised that it was the colour. It looked miles down to the sea and the blue didn’t look so good now as it had looked from up high in our shady spot. How was I ever going to make it? I felt upset that I couldn’t bear to go to the sea with my son.  And I didn’t want to wait while my husband took my son to the sea. Why would I? I was hot and shivery and all the colours were looking wrong to me.  I didn’t feel safe to just be left by myself. The beach didn’t feel like a friendly local little beach. To me under the glare of the sunlight and with the subtle visual distortion I was experiencing it felt more like the Sahara Desert!

A Revelatory Moment!

My glasses are going to help balance the colours. At the moment I feel that I am not picking up enough red and as red is a grounding colour I am not able to feel grounded. Colours that make me feel more expanded (blues and greens) look wrong because of the absence of red. Therefore I can’t enjoy feeling expansive either.  Colours that make me feel safe – the earthy colours some way between grounded and expansive – yellows, browns and oranges – also look wrong because of the absence of red. So I feel I have no grounded place, no safe place and no exciting place to go. I am STUCK and all because of my perception of colour!

Is colour affecting your experience of enjoying the wonder of intimacy and the excitement of expansiveness? Maybe you have irlens Syndrome.  If my article resonates with you please check out the website below.

Irlens Syndrome

 

 

 

 

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Irlens Syndrome and Our Perception of Balance!

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Continuing my Irlens journey  . . .

I am trying to understand my perception of the world before I receive my Irlens glasses and start wearing them.  This feels important to me. I don’t want to just put my glasses on and shut off the world that I have been living in for forty plus years. I don’t want to take my glasses off and think ‘Oh here we are again in this world that is so wrong for me!’ No, I want to understand my Irlens experience on a much deeper level than this and learn to love the world with my glasses and without my glasses. Of course there is limitation here. Just glare from light gives me all sorts of unpleasant symptoms so I will probably nearly always will prefer the world through my glasses. This improves the symptoms and allows me to enjoy pattern as the glasses correct a tracking problem that I have due to the glare. I feel, though, that it is important to sort out my relationship with colour. 

I feel ok about colour every year until I get to May – around the time of my Birthday on 9th – funnily enough! Then when I go out for a walk surrounded by the trees that have all fairly recently come into leaf, I feel very phased and fatigued. The greens don’t look right to me. They don’t make me feel good. I am no longer able to drink in from nature. This affects me inside our home as well. It is as if I can’t see enough red in all the colours. I have to change the colour of paper I write on for a deeper blue. I am pulling all the deepest purples and pinks out of the wardrobe and insisting that my husband wears red. I start getting very stressed using my computer and need to use a virtual overlay as well as an actual overlay for comfort. I start with a blueish virtual overlay and then as we get closer to mid summer I need more and more purple – again because I am trying to find the red.

Then this year on 13th June something changed. The pinks and and purples looked more pink and purple. The blues started to appear more blue. And every other colour felt warmer to me. And on the 23rd of June (just after the summer solstice) I stopped needing my virtual overlay on my computer and went back to using white paper (even though I am writing in red!) 

At this point, though, confusion set in. I kept finding myself thinking ‘Is there enough red in that? Is there too much blue in that?’ And I realised that I have spent my life trying to find warmth in colour (red), getting over stimulated and then needing to cool it down with blue. I wonder if this is why I have this exact pattern in my life. It is echoed in my choice of friends and relationships (either too hot or too cool!) my approach to my work and calling (either too hot or too cool!), my approach to having fun (either too hot or too cool!). And the most debilitating way that is echoed back to me is in my continuously fluctuating temperature. (either TOO HOT or TOO COLD!)

Today I am trying to see colour as colour. If it is not making me feel unwell it is ok. I am trying to find some neutral in my life. Maybe if I could find some neutral I would stop being afraid of the heat and the cold! Maybe I would finally achieve my desired place of Balance!

If you a have any of this craziness in your life you might like to check out Irlens Syndrome

 

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Irlens Syndrome and Attention Seeking Behaviour

looking through window

What is Irlen Syndrome?

Irlen Syndrome is a specific type of perceptual problem that affects the way the brain processes visual information. It is not an optical problem.

For those with Irlen Syndrome, the brain is unable to process full spectral light. This results in:

It is exacerbated by environmental factors such as lighting, brightness, glare, high contrast, patterns and colours. Irlen Syndrome affects people of all ages.

My Story

Having Irlens Syndrome can make you feel that a part of you is missing. You feel like an outsider and an onlooker. Try as hard as you can, you never feel quite involved with activities and other people.  This might push you inward on a spiritual journey or to find your own passions that you can pursue mainly by yourself. Either way it can be a lonely path.

For example, when your family is having a barbecue on a beautiful summer’s day you are thinking about the glare of the sun and and the heat and the smoke. And beyond this you feel ‘charged’ for some reason that you don’t even understand. You feel that if one more person speaks you are going to break or if one more dish clatters you are going to scream. You feel like a charged bundle of hyper sensitivity.

This is what has always happened to me and the potentially most wonderful occasions have turned into my most miserable moments. I find myself wishing it was an ordinary day and then the disappointment at not being involved wouldn’t run so deep. Of course I try to be happy for others but this doesn’t stop both the disappointment and a feeling of inadequacy from setting in. And when it does, I feel like all I want is some attention – some sweetness from someone. I just want someone to understand my misery and lift me out of it.  I suppose as a child my family saw this in me and called it attention seeking behaviour. In fact just my lack of involvement was called attention seeking behaviour so talk about being kicked when you are down!

Now I understand this, it is all a little easier to bear. I don’t know yet know who I am when I have my Irlens glasses but I am looking forward to finding out. I wonder who I will be when I have the involvement with life and others that I have craved my whole life! Might I finally find my real sense of self and find where I fit in the world? I hope so!

If you have a child who follows you around and seems to drain you dry maybe they are feeling overwhelmed by light, other stimulus and all sorts of brain activity that you might never guess they were experiencing.  Maybe they are are feeling so ungrounded that they need your physical presence as close to them as possible. If you are raising your child to be trusting and secure,  behaviour that might be seen as ‘attention seeking’ could really be a symptom of some deeper discomfort. My suggestion is that you have them checked for Irlens Syndrome.

 

 

 

 

 

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Irlens Syndrome – What Colour is Missing in Your Spectrum?

 

This is my Irlens Syndrome Journey update.

umbrelaI had my second diagnostic yesterday which is really just a check that we had found the right lens in the first session.  I still chose a particular grey but just a shade lighter than last time. It made sense to me because the time I tried the original lens it felt perfect in most ways but I sensed it might be giving me a slight headache. I confirmed this to be true yesterday and after testing again, arrived at the same colour – just a shade lighter.

The other colour in my lens is red and I find this interesting.  I tend to buy a lot of red and pink things – having reddish curtains, rugs, chairs, clothes and particularly shoes! For the last couple of years I would only wear red or pink shoes!

Now I know the reason behind my red obsession. I am not picking up red in the other colours. In certain lights the other colours look lack lustre or actually make me feel unwell. I can’t look at acid yellow or some greens. If a white banner flicks up on my computer I get a pain in abdomen. If I look at blue light I feel I have been kicked in the stomach. My symptoms are this extreme.

I find myself looking for red in everything. I have a purple overlay on my computer. I choose pink shades for my walls. Even my blues, greens and oranges need to have enough red in them to be comfortable to my eyes. I am a sort of red detector! I didn’t realise I was doing it but I am assessing every colour on the quantity of red that I perceive.

When I put my chosen Irlens lenses to my eyes my imbalance with red is corrected. Nothing is outstanding or jumps out at me. It is just that I feel more comfortable and have a feeling that all is right for me. I felt more calm and let out a little calm sigh.

It is difficult to know how my Irlens glasses will improve my experience of life because the diagnostic (trying so many lenses) is confusing to the brain.  I won’t know until I try them and I will keep you up to speed with up-dates for you to follow! Until next time  . . .

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Irlens Syndrome and Separation / Social Anxiety

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I have spent my whole life trying to understand my difficulties through the wrong lens! I made the mistake of thinking all my issues were emotional/psychological.

Now I know I have Irlens Syndrome (a light processing disorder) I see things in a very different light!

I might not have/never have had separation and social anxiety after all.

When I have driven somewhere in glary or uncomfortable light or had to spend time under florescent lighting I have felt anxious, dizzy and shivery and have had a disassociated feeling.  I thought this meant I didn’t trust people or myself.  But now I realise that when I am with people in the right light and colours appear normal I feel my trusting, happy, confident and grounded self.

Irlens has caused me to work at my relationship with myself and the world in a way that most people wouldn’t dream of needing to do! The only way to feel comfortable in the world has been to find a way to be comfortable with my vulnerability and find a deep level of self acceptance.

This has been my journey so far. But when I have my Irlens glasses  . . . well, I’ll keep you posted!

Irlens Website

 

 

 

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Highly Sensitive People and Irlen Syndrome

Irlens

About Irlen Syndrome

Irlen Syndrome is a specific type of perceptual problem that affects the way the brain processes visual information. It is not an optical problem.

For those with Irlen Syndrome, the brain is unable to process full spectral light. This results in:

It is exacerbated by environmental factors such as lighting, brightness, glare, high contrast, patterns and colours. Irlen Syndrome affects people of all ages.

My Irlens Test

I had my Irlens test today. I felt all the colours of the lenses as I was asked to put them up to my eyes. I felt whether they opened me out or shut me down. I felt the colours as a knot in my stomach or a flutter in my throat or a tingle in my feet sometimes. I then put up some lenses and suddenly felt happy. I said to the lady doing my diagnostic “I feel stronger  and taller and my diaphragm has suddenly opened up and I can breathe.” Everything was soft but clear. I seem to have a tracking problem and suddenly my eyes worked together so that I could see the whole image. Lines lined up and clear 3D seemed to jump out of nowhere. There was no glare. I could look at colours and patterns that used to repel me. When I walked the room didn’t move – just me. I cried because I never knew where my feeling of strength was hiding. I’ve always just had to be strong without the feeling of strength anywhere in my body. I suddenly felt grounded for the first time in my life.

If you have any of the symptoms or issues described at the top of this article you might want to check out Irlens Syndrome

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Highly Sensitives, Are We Frightened of Our Own Intensity?

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I usually sleep with the curtains a little open and the glow of a pink night light in the corner of our room. Lately though, I have been feeling that this might not be right for me. The light feels too intense. I don’t like to be in total darkness so I have been hanging a sheet up at the window to cover the gap between the curtains. I have also turned off the night light. Then I lay there and think ‘Surely there is nothing to disturb me now! No-one is snoring, there is no buzz of a helicopter – nothing – just me in a pleasantly dark room.’ True – I have felt more calm but not completely calm because there is one intense thing I can’t turn off or block out and that is myself!

I am intense in my relationships

I am intense in the way I parent

I am intense about my work

I am intense in my blogging!

I AM INTENSE! Not everyone is going to like it but I don’t see why I should turn myself off – in fact I CAN’T. I can’t even turn myself down!

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What do We Do when we feel SO Highly Sensitive?

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We need to find all the softness we can find in the world and clothe ourselves in it:-

The soft sounds and voices

The soft textures and fabrics

The soft smells

The soft tastes

The soft light

But most off all we need to open our hearts to the softness of love. When we do this, the harsher and more brash sounds, smells, tastes, textures and light bother us less. We are still aware of them because this is what makes us highly sensitive but softness is greater than harshness and it always wins the day!

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What Does Connection Feel Like?

connection

Connection feels like a warm embrace. You feel able to breathe, digest, give and receive, create, speak your truth, ask for your needs and most of all – be yourself and know your place in the world.

What causes us to disconnect?

Now knowing who we are and Self Doubt.

What causes us to connect?

Knowing Ourselves and Living Our Purpose.

 

 

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