I sometimes feel like I never really do a day’s work but then it depends what you call a day’s work!
My day is usually made up of :-
25% – making sure I feel OK by looking after my needs and sensitivities.
15% – making sure other people around me feel OK and helping them look after their needs and sensitivities
40% – just trying to find my way
10 – 20% – soul searching and pondering
0 – 10% – actually achieving some sort of inspired creative end result
The feelings I move through on a a daily basis are
Fear and Doubt
I sometimes arrive at the end of the day feeling like a wrung out dishcloth – like I have nothing more to give, just as many people who have more regular jobs must feel.
So . . . do I do a day’s work? By my own terms YES I DO!
We’re not good every day givers as we are always saving some of our energy for our big plan – our vision
The muse might turn up and tell us to do something, say something or go somewhere which is tricky when you have arranged a coffee with someone and are required to do chit chat!
We tend to be one tracked. We don’t have that much energy to talk about things that are not in some way related to our vision.
We’re not good at hanging out OUT as we tend to be sensitive to everything. Take us out to a shopping mall and all the sights, sounds and smells will quickly become too much. Take us out for a walk and we may find the place too lonely or not like the sound of the wind! Yes, it can be that difficult!
Intensity is our only state and we are only really happy if we feel a lot of energy in a conversation or an activity. Once we feel the energy go down we are miserable and just want out!
So all in all we’re not too good at friendship. People can be intrigued by us for a while but when all the above kicks in we don’t see them for dust!
However we are excellent at meaningful encounters.
The biggest epidemic in our societies today is separation (disconnection with self and the world) It is this feeling that leads people to suffer with low self esteem, live a life where they find it difficult to be true to themselves and ultimately dis-ease. So why do we feel separate? We send our children to childcare and nursery school, separating them from the essential mother child bond for hours at a time before they are barely able to hold their heads up. Many families are separated by broken marriages. Many families who live together live quite separate lives. Many of us don’t know our neighbours. We travel separately and don’t meet in towns as we used to. Isn’t it amazing when it snows and we meet people in the street, walking to town to get some bread because the Waitrose delivery lorry couldn’t get through and our car won’t start? That’s my favourite day of the year!
Some of us choose a form of spirituality that continues in us this feeling of separateness. We separate ourselves from the rest of the world when we feel that we have the answers. We separate ourselves from the goodness of the world when we decide that we have to eat this food and that food and do this thing and that thing just to survive on the planet. We separate ourselves from our very beings when we try to empty ourselves in spiritual practices and meditation. We separate ourselves from God when we decide that we are in control and that we can use the power of our thoughts to draw to ourselves what we want.
Anxiety has little to do with being dependent on a significant other. This is simply the symptom. The cause is a sense of separation that runs deep in the core of our being. It may have happened at our birth or in childhood, we may have inherited it from our parents but however it happened, I believe it is our deepest journey to find our sense of safety within ourselves and the world. When we find that feeling, we will no longer tolerate separateness and we will do everything in our power to create strong bonds with our children, our families and the world. We will fall into God’s arms and gladly admit that we can’t do it on our own.
All we all really want is to feel safe, loved and at home in ourselves and the world.
I took my child to see an orthoptist about his vision issues when he was 9 and the first set of tests were fine. They were using cards and not a light to be seen! Then the orthoptist suggested my son would need a full examination that day in another room. I saw the colour drain from my son’s face and saw him holding back his tears. Bright lights gave him terrible headaches and knock him out of sorts for hours. I reached over to touch his arm and said “It’s OK, We do everything as a family. You don’t have to do this today if you don’t want to. Or you could just give it a try. It is up to you.” I saw a pained look on the orthoptist’s face and looks were exchanged between him and his student who was in there observing the session. The look was saying startlingly obviously “ANXIOUS NEUROTIC PARENT ALERT” Things were written on bits of paper and the student was asked to take the message to the ophthalmologist. When we arrived in the ophthalmologist’s room she had a knowing look in her eyes. It said “I SEE YOU. YOU ARE THE ANXIOUS NEUROTIC PARENT!” My son was asked about the test and he said he would give it a go. The ophthalmologist said she would use her dimmer light first and it wasn’t long before my son refused to proceed with the test. Next came the expected – the criticism of Mum! The accusation that I was putting my anxiety onto my son by giving him the option of not taking the test.
How dare she?! She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know my story or the journey we are on.
I am NOT an anxious neurotic parent. I am simply a mother who knows herself, knows her son, knows her journey and TRUSTS HER INTUITION.
Please share your motherly intuition stories. I would love to hear them.
Firstly I don’t do know if I am a tetrachromat or not but I certainly see a lot of colours!
And there is something about doing a jigsaw puzzle with snow that really gets me going! I love working with the different shades of white. I can’t do the puzzle on a cloudy day – when I can’t pick up all the light frequencies – only a day when there is enough blue and violet light around to make the whites ‘sing’.
I have always wanted to BE something. I thought if I could just BE something then I would feel ok about myself and others would be happy with me.
So what should I be? Shall I be the music teacher as I have a musical gift? Should I be the artist as I have a desire to express my childlike spirit? Should I be a healer so I can feel part of other people’s positive change? What shall I be?
ME – just ME! The person who gets up in the morning and says to God “What shall I do today?” The person who looks out of the window and gets carried away with seeing a flock of crows perched on the branches of our big tree or the pounding of the rain on our driveway . . .the person who may pick up a musical instrument only if it feels ok to feel the strings, sense the rhythm and hear the tones TODAY . . .the person who is looking for a hug and kind words by 10:00 in the morning . . . the person who finds the green of the grass too bright some days, doesn’t like crowds or parties and loves chocolate truffles . . the person who likes to scoot around the park wearing her purple coat and summer beanie. . . the person who loves to help others when her own world is calm and organised enough for her to do so . . .
Who should I be? – ME – just ME!
Connection feels like a warm embrace. You feel able to breathe, digest, give and receive, create, speak your truth, ask for your needs and most of all – be yourself and know your place in the world.
What causes us to disconnect?
Now knowing who we are and Self Doubt.
What causes us to connect?
Knowing Ourselves and Living Our Purpose.