Some Days I Feel Way Too Much

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This is a sequel to my previous post ‘Some Days I Just Don’t Feel Much’

Some days I feel way too much. I get up in the morning and immediately I feel emotional. This morning I felt emotional when I couldn’t find my lists on the Waitrose website! I can feel emotional just trying to choose whether I should write an e-mail or put the washing on first!

I feel everything more sensory-wise too. I noticed the softness of the water on my hands when I washed them this morning. I noticed how hard my sandals felt on my feet. The car seemed to be faster and bumpier than usual and the hygienist (which was my destination) – well don’t get me started . . .!

On days like today my head seems to whir with thoughts and my heart seems to buzz with feelings. When I talk to people I want to express so much and suddenly realise the limitation of words. When I have spoken to people I think of how our conversation could have been more meaningful or how I could have been more transparent.  Nothing seems to satisfy my intense desire for connection. My husband can give my a demonstrative squeeze but seconds later that feeling has gone – blown away on the wind.

My Theory

Just as much as seeing less yellow light can cause me to feel less, my perception of seeing more yellow light can cause me to feel deep deep feeling. It could be that I perceive more yellow light or it could be that I perceive less of other frequencies such as red,  and relatively yellow seems more intense.

What Do I Do?

Firstly I accept my deep feeling self

Then I do anything that satisfies my need to feel deeply, recognising that this isn’t always easy especially if you really need to make a Waitrose order! This is why I was looking for my lists – because I wanted to engage more deeply with our family’s needs. I knew this would make me happier than just randomly shopping or shopping with a list.

And most importantly I trust that I am giving and receiving enough even though it doesn’t feel that way. I accept that the insatiable hunger for emotional connection is a sense – a feeling. My feeling of unsatisfied need today is not the truth.

The truth is that I am enough and I have enough and that my heart is the wellspring of life always. 

 

Some Days I Just Don’t Feel Much

 

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Some days I just don’t feel much. I wouldn’t say I was depressed because depression probably leads us to cut ourselves off from the world and our loved ones. I still very much connected with most of myself and the world.

But on days like this I look at my husband and think “Hmm, is this the man I married?” or I look at our home and think “Hmm, did we really paint the kitchen that colour white?” Everything seems to be questionable which makes it a terrible day for making any big decisions! It is all questionable because I just can’t feel things with my heart as I usually can.

Why is this?

Well, being a lightwatcher,  my theory is that it has to do with my perception of yellow light. On the days when I perceive less yellow light, I feel less.

What do I do About It?

Well, it gives me the opportunity to try out my capacity to trust. I have to live sort of blindly feeling-wise. I have a bath and have to trust the water is making me feel good. I eat a snack and have to trust my choice is right for that moment. I open my mouth to speak and have to trust that the ‘right’ words come out for the situation.

The hardest thing is not really ‘feeling’ my relationship with those close to me. I tend to think they are being off with me or abrupt or uncaring. However they haven’t changed. It is only me that has changed. So I have to trust their every intention to be good and have to notice their smile and the touch of their hand even if I don’t feel it.

Most of all I have to trust that I am loved. 

 

 

The Red Light Blue Light Diet

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I have spent most of my life trying to find the perfect diet for myself but it definitely doesn’t exist.

So I started to study the eating habits of myself, my son and my husband. My son is  a ‘red light’ person, I am ‘a blue light’ person and my husband is a ‘mixed red and blue light’ person.

What is a Red Light Person?

Usually people who perceive more red light than blue light in the atmosphere are practical, logical people. They like to understand how things work. They like to use their head and sometimes forget to come from a heart place. They see the world in black and white and are quick to find solutions to problems.  They can be quite un- grounded people without the mix of blue.

What is a Blue Light Person?

Usually people who perceive more blue light than red light are intuitive people who have a creative temperament. They enjoy ideas and feelings without always feeling the need to understand everything. They are very heart and feeling centred and don’t feel so comfortable using the logical analytical part of their brain unless there is some emotional connection. They see the world in multi colour and are more interested in making connections between ideas, thoughts and feelings than in finding solutions. They can be quite ungrounded people without the mix of red.

My Family

Me

I am definitely more of a blue light person most of the time. I have my head in the clouds thinking bizarre and crazy thoughts like this post!

My Diet

I need to eat food that calms my zingy energy.

I eat sourdough bread which feels so calming to my gut. I eat dark chocolate which feels so soothing to my soul! I do watch my fructans and eat only vegetables that feel right for me. I eat sheep’s cheese that again feels more calming than cows dairy. I only eat a little cooked fruit (like orange in a beef stir-fry) I don’t eat raw fruit because it feels too energetic. I can feel it right through my body to my toes but it is not a good feeling after the initial euphoria and it seems to disturb my system. The only raw veg I eat are leaves sometimes. I find meat and fish fine to digest but don’t really do nuts and pulses. I eat oats in oat biscuits but don’t have any other cake or biscuits as the sugar feels too much for my sensitive system. I drink a little juice – again for my soul! I like crunchy food most of the time but when I perceive the light as more red I do start to crave softer food.

My Son

My son is definitely a red light person most of the time. He likes to think logically and rationally and likes to find right answers to things.

My Son’s Diet

My son needs to eat food to stimulate his energy but not overstimulate it. It has a ‘neutralising feel to it’

He finds sourdough bread has a sleepy energy and prefers ‘normal’ wheat bread. He also like gluten free grains – rice-cakes and corn-cakes and tortilla chips. He doesn’t like chocolate or sweets! He also has to watch his fructans and doesn’t get on well with much sugar. All dairy feels ‘wrong’ for his gut and he is a soy boy (!) favouring soya milk and yoghurt. Fruit seems to upset his sensitive gut too and he has to choose his vegetables carefully. He is fine digesting meat and fish and possibly nuts. He likes hotter softer food like rice and oat porridge and he also likes really meaty soups like oxtail. He eats softer food most of the year and very rarely craves crunchy food.

My Husband

My husband is a mixed red light and blue light person. He is very grounded and practical. He is also very much an ideas person liking to think outside of the box.

My Husband’s Diet

He will pretty well eat anything on any day at any time of the year. He will eat ‘normal’ wheat bread and sourdough. He likes chocolate in small quantities which would not constitute a craving. He eats any dairy, all fruit, all vegetables, meat, fish, nuts, pulses, biscuits and cake! He will be happy eating salad in the winter or a curry in summer or a pasty on any day of the year! He has his preferences but he is not disturbed or stimulated by food in the same way as me and my son are.

So that is the story of our family’s diet. You can imagine how complicated it is trying to plan meals every week!

How about you? Do you think you are more of a blue light person or a red light person? Or are you a mixture? If you notice any interesting things about your food choices I would love to hear from you.

To read more about my theories of how we perceive coloured light-waves and about how this experience affects us in our daily living please see my book:

‘I Can’t Sit on That Red Chair – The Relationship Between Sensory Processing Difficulties and colour Sensitivity’

No Tomatoes in Late May Please!

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How the light is every day changes my taste, my desire to eat certain textures and also temperature.

At some point in May I always see a burst of more red light. As the light is quite bright I already see the medium and higher light-waves more strongly so the light can appear more balanced to me until the blue starts to dominate in June and the red drops off again.

Seeing the nice red light yesterday I thought “Yum, I can eat tomatoes today!” I looked at the tomatoes and the red appeared fine. I cut the tomatoes and put some olive oil and seasoning on as I usually do and the tomatoes didn’t appear so fine. They seemed to be jumping off the plate with energy! I gave them a good hard stare and thought “Hmm, is this energy I want in myself?” I looked at the other things on my plate – the marinaded pork and new potatoes and thought how calm they looked.  “Are they boringly calm?” I thought ” Could I spice things up a bit with the very energetic tomatoes?” “Could I blend the energies?” Well, I gave it a try – but unfortunately to my peril!!

An hour or so later I had that bloated feeling that I might get if I had yeast or too much sugar. Now I know tomatoes could have mold on them but somehow I knew it was the energy. It was not a match for me. I had no other gut symptoms but I did have a headache. I had felt similar to when the postman turns up in her orange high viz jacket. Something pulls me to look at the brightness but I know it is not a match so I hide my eyes. Well, I should have left the tomatoes in the fridge and saved myself some pain and angst but it is a long learning curve when it comes to energy and food.

As if it is not enough to have to eat by colour and texture!  Oh no – I need to eat by energy as well and especially as we approach the middle of summer when the light is at its brightest.

So what are you eating this summer? Can you see the energy of your food or can your sensitive child? Is the energy a match or is it a mismatch? 

Poem – The Red Light

 

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We need red light to help us feel grounded and connected with the world. Sometimes I perceive it strongly and other times less strongly. This all impacts how I feel and how I live.

The Red Light

Overpowered in February

Dances with the blue from March

Regains some power in May

Washed out by the brightness of June and July

From August – it dances with the blue again

November – its here to stay

Lightwatcher Story – 23rd April 2019

Yellow, yellow, yellow!

My last lightwatcher story was in March and I was struggling to see enough yellow. Now there is loads and loads of it. It is jumping out of the leaves on the trees and the moss on our lawn.

How does it make me feel?

Overly vulnerable

Slightly sleepy

Finding it difficult to do anything.

What can I do?

Not much

Rest and drink in from the April colours

Do something if I feel really inspired

Wait until the light balances again.

Something to note

Just as much as lack of yellow can make you feel down-hearted, too much yellow can make you feel lethargic and could easily be interpreted as a depressed feeling.

It is too easy to judge our moods on our feelings about our lives and ourselves. What if some of it was environmental though? To be honest this realisation does take the pressure off. I feel more at peace and more trusting that give it a few days and I will be back to my normal chirpy self again!

March 2019 – Important Lightwatcher Story

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I understand Spring is a common season for people to suffer with depression. You look outside and think how the days are getting longer and light brighter but you just don’t feel ‘happy’.

From my experience there is a lot of undulation around how much yellow light we perceive in the early Spring. One minute the blue light is bright enough for us to perceive more yellow light and the next it isn’t.  I find sometimes the sky looks slightly turquoise in the spring because I am picking up green (next to blue in the spectrum) but not so much yellow. (one colour down from green on the spectrum). When I pick up less yellow I find my mood goes down and I don’t feel so connected to my feelings, the people around me and the world.

I can also perceive less yellow in November and/or December but because there is a lot of red around I don’t seem to feel so detached. Red is a grounding light.

What to Do.

Find things that help you feel more connected. I find it is a good time to sort out the family videos and look back on happy memories.

Stay with positive feelings and input if you can. It is not good time to watch a really sad drama on TV!

Know that the feelings of detachment will pass and you will feel your lovely feelings of attachment again.