This is me on 1st February this year on a trip to the seaside to play Crazy Golf. Because of my unusual way of processing the light, in February the only colours that resonate with my colour sensitive brain are pink, pinkish purple and pinkish red!
I usually really dislike photos of myself but not this one because this is Me!
I wake up every morning and sense in myself what is happening with my relationship with the light, and how it is likely to affect me that day.
I have made a discovery this year about the green light. I can often find green hard to look at, and so assumed I had a tendency to see too much green light. However, I have come to realise that sometimes I don’t see enough. Just now in February as the light is not at its brightest, and I perceive a lot of blue and violet light, I don’t see enough green.
As I feel green light in my shoulder, neck and jaw, seeing too little green light can leave me feeling pretty crabby! I feel that I can’t relax my neck and shoulders and I have pain under my occiput. And worse than that, my sensitivities are heightened through the roof. I particularly can’t tolerate the sound of the taps in our house and today listening to my husband take a shower, felt like torture. I tried putting music on, moving somewhere else in the house, but nothing worked. I felt the sound like a drill in my head, sending a jangled feeling all through my body.
Even writing this post, I feel jangled by the sound of my keys and the light from the screen.
The good thing is though that I know now that my most jangled days are when I see less green light. And knowledge is power.
The hard thing is asking for help on a day when I struggle to feel support. And my day feels all about survival. How do you live in a house where there are everyday noises when you feel so sensitive?
I don’t like dragging people down into my problems. I like my family to be happy and to have a calm home. But on days when my sensitivities are extreme, the most I can hope for is that we support each other and help each other through our feelings of helplessness.
It is not my sensitivities that nearly break me on the low green light days. It is having to let go of my pride and my need to make everything OK and everyone happy all the time. I have to feel enough in my broken state.
Hi, I have been making a lot of videos about how I perceive light and colour in a different way to those around me. I have often wondered if I am ‘seeing’ differently or ‘processing’ differently so I bought myself a spectrometer!
I perceive light differently I constantly perceive subtle changes in the colour spectrum in the atmosphere. For instance just looking at the sky I can perceive when there is an increase in violet light or decrease in red light. I have been testing my observations with my spectrometer readings, and I find that how I perceive the light does not always tally with what my spectrometer picks up.
My brain sometimes processes the relative intensity of wave lengths in a way that is atypical. This means that I might perceive some wave lengths as less intense or more intense than I see on my spectrometer.
(incidentally my colour sensitivity is so extreme that I can’t look at the intensity of a colour spectrum so my husband removed the colour and sent me a black and white line graph for my observation.)
I feel the change in the light as much as I perceive it visually. I know if there is more violet light because I will feel more intuitive or suddenly have a desire to eat crunchy food. I know if there is more red light because I will feel more grounded and have a desire to eat softer foods.
I live by the light meaning that from when I get up the morning I have half an eye out to check what the light is doing. How I see the light affects all my choices of the day – what I wear, what I eat, what I do and how I relate to myself and other people. When I perceive more violet light I am more creative and intuitive. When I perceive more red light I am more into my home projects. When I perceive more yellow light I enjoy relationship with other people more.
Today I feel that nothing is right.
It isn’t right to be outspoken and it isn’t right to keep quiet
It isn’t right to be with people and it isn’t right to be alone
It isn’t even right to be right and it certainly isn’t right to be wrong!!
There is a lot of blue light today making giving me gritty determination to push forward my own ideas. However there is less red light so I feel less secure in myself and my ideas. The two feelings clash and confuse and confound me.
I didn’t grow up living by the light. I grew up like most other people getting up in the morning, thinking about what I was going to do, where I was going to go and then trying to fulfil my plan for the day. I was completely oblivious to the light and how it might be making me feel.
But now I do live by the light and today I was thinking about how difficult it is to live in a way that feels so different and unusual. Then I wondered what it would have been like if I had grown up believing that it was a completely usual things to do.
I imagined having a conversation with my mother when I was 3 and this is how it went.
Mum – Jennie, come with me and look out of the window and tell me what you see.
Me – I see houses and trees and the sky.
Mum – And what colour are they?
Me – The houses are red, the trees are green and the sky is blue.
Mum – Do you see anything else? Can you see the light? Is there another colour out there?
Me – Well, there is a sort of funny blue feeling
Mum – Ah, you see blue. And does it make you feel something?
Me – it makes me feel cuddly
Mum – How do think you would feel outside today?
Me – Not sure, maybe a bit lonely.
Mum – I see. Well, light is very important. We all live by the light. You know the sun is very important and the moon?
Me – Yes
Mum – Well, the light makes us feel different ways. It can make you have different moods. And it makes you choose different coloured clothes and eat different food. So we don’t all do the same thing every day. We all have to live by the light to really feel good.
Me – Oh, I see, so that is why I chose my blue dress today. it wasn’t really me. it was the light!
Mum – Yes, Exactly!
It’s June and I thought June was about lunches at the garden and picnics at the beach but not always for me.
As a light-watcher my perception is that June can be a bit too blue! I go off my green veggies and brown meat and feel glad this year that our home is neutral and that I don’t have to do my usual trick of taking pictures off the wall and removing patterned table-cloths!
I am finding it hard to feel connected to myself or anyone or anything. My defualt position is to just try to carry on with life and in the most part shut people out. When there is less yellow light I can feel detached too but that is a different type of detachment. I still seem to find it easy to trust that the connection is there. In the blue light, though, that trust is wavering.
I Feel Lonely
I feel as if I am the only person in the world right now.
I Feel my Pain
I feel all the pain that I haven’t been feeling the rest of year about being me and having all my ridiculous sensitivities and I feel it really head on. Usually I am incredibly positive and can always squeeze out the best in a difficult situation but right now I am struggling with this.
I Hate Asking for Help
I hate asking for help at the best of times but right now I really hate asking for help. It is as if those words “Please . . . ” grate on me and it is hard to get them out. Perceiving less red light I just don’t feel so secure in relationship and it is really hard to trust that someone wants to help me.
I have to dig even deeper into my ‘spiritual’ resource. If I can’t find what I need at the surface then this is where I go. I wonder what spiritual quality I need to help me through this time. And the word that keeps coming to me is ‘surrender.’
I need to surrender because I just can’t work it all out and make it all fine at the moment. I need to remember that ultimately I am not in control – God is.
The last couple of days we have had high white cloud and I always perceive a lot of violet in this light. I perceive less of the lower and middle frequencies which makes me feel quite un-grounded and very buoyant!
In this light I have thousands of words in my head! It is like endless torrents and waterfalls of things that must be said. My heart feels wide open and my thinking gains a clarity that I don’t experience in any other light. My son (11) is the same. After a long day on the computer he comes down, eyes bright and full of ideas and opinions and feelings which he must express. I only see this energy in him now – in the middle of the summer.
What Do I Do?
Well, in the past, the bright light has meant ‘Hide’ quick, hide yourself away before you do anything silly and say anything ridiculous and bore anybody or offend anybody.’ And I literally have hidden from the light (sat on the settee with my hands covering my face) and hidden from myself (have spoken nothing and been completely mute).
However, this year, I feel a change in myself. I won’t hide any more. If this is the light when I feel the most energy then I am going to feel that energy. I am going to express that energy. I am going to follow that energy wherever it takes me even if it is to the ends of the earth and back.
I will not be frightened of my own energy any longer.
Are you frightened of yours’ ?
How the light is every day changes my taste, my desire to eat certain textures and also temperature.
At some point in May I always see a burst of more red light. As the light is quite bright I already see the medium and higher light-waves more strongly so the light can appear more balanced to me until the blue starts to dominate in June and the red drops off again.
Seeing the nice red light yesterday I thought “Yum, I can eat tomatoes today!” I looked at the tomatoes and the red appeared fine. I cut the tomatoes and put some olive oil and seasoning on as I usually do and the tomatoes didn’t appear so fine. They seemed to be jumping off the plate with energy! I gave them a good hard stare and thought “Hmm, is this energy I want in myself?” I looked at the other things on my plate – the marinaded pork and new potatoes and thought how calm they looked. “Are they boringly calm?” I thought ” Could I spice things up a bit with the very energetic tomatoes?” “Could I blend the energies?” Well, I gave it a try – but unfortunately to my peril!!
An hour or so later I had that bloated feeling that I might get if I had yeast or too much sugar. Now I know tomatoes could have mold on them but somehow I knew it was the energy. It was not a match for me. I had no other gut symptoms but I did have a headache. I had felt similar to when the postman turns up in her orange high viz jacket. Something pulls me to look at the brightness but I know it is not a match so I hide my eyes. Well, I should have left the tomatoes in the fridge and saved myself some pain and angst but it is a long learning curve when it comes to energy and food.
As if it is not enough to have to eat by colour and texture! Oh no – I need to eat by energy as well and especially as we approach the middle of summer when the light is at its brightest.
So what are you eating this summer? Can you see the energy of your food or can your sensitive child? Is the energy a match or is it a mismatch?
My last lightwatcher story was in March and I was struggling to see enough yellow. Now there is loads and loads of it. It is jumping out of the leaves on the trees and the moss on our lawn.
Overly vulnerable
Slightly sleepy
Finding it difficult to do anything.
Not much
Rest and drink in from the April colours
Do something if I feel really inspired
Wait until the light balances again.
Just as much as lack of yellow can make you feel down-hearted, too much yellow can make you feel lethargic and could easily be interpreted as a depressed feeling.
It is too easy to judge our moods on our feelings about our lives and ourselves. What if some of it was environmental though? To be honest this realisation does take the pressure off. I feel more at peace and more trusting that give it a few days and I will be back to my normal chirpy self again!
I understand Spring is a common season for people to suffer with depression. You look outside and think how the days are getting longer and light brighter but you just don’t feel ‘happy’.
From my experience there is a lot of undulation around how much yellow light we perceive in the early Spring. One minute the blue light is bright enough for us to perceive more yellow light and the next it isn’t. I find sometimes the sky looks slightly turquoise in the spring because I am picking up green (next to blue in the spectrum) but not so much yellow. (one colour down from green on the spectrum). When I pick up less yellow I find my mood goes down and I don’t feel so connected to my feelings, the people around me and the world.
I can also perceive less yellow in November and/or December but because there is a lot of red around I don’t seem to feel so detached. Red is a grounding light.
Find things that help you feel more connected. I find it is a good time to sort out the family videos and look back on happy memories.
Stay with positive feelings and input if you can. It is not good time to watch a really sad drama on TV!
Know that the feelings of detachment will pass and you will feel your lovely feelings of attachment again.
