Category: LIFE WITH AMBIENT COLOUR SENSITIVITY

What Definition Are You Seeing the World In?

When we perceive more blue light than red light, we see the world in higher definition.

When we perceive more red light than blue light, we see the world in lower definition.

When we see in high definition we can feel separate and lonely. We can find it hard to gather and maintain our energy. We can find it hard to drink in from the world and feel part of the world.

When we see in low definition, we can feel that everything is a bit too blended. Life doesn’t draw us in and we can’t quite get hold of things. We can feel tired, apathetic, depressed, as if we have no clear use or purpose.

Look at the photograph at the top. Do you want to walk into the picture and pick up the marble or do you feel you can’t reach it or do you feel oblivious?

If you feel you can’t reach it, you may not perceive enough blue light today.

If you feel oblivious, you may not perceive enough red light today.

If you want to pick it up, then you are just fine the way you are!

How Does it Feel to Have Ambient Colour Sensitivity?

Experiencing ambient colour sensitivity, I am highly aware of my brain’s interpretation of what I perceive in the world around me. I detect the slight rise in red light in autumn, the lowering of blue light in the winter, the change between predominance of red and blue light in the spring, and the lack of red light in the summer. I feel the harmony of colour combinations all around me as soothing, or less soothing. I detect the slightest change in luminance, changing all the colours I see and the way they interact with each other, constantly, throughout the day and seasons. I have an extreme experience of contrast. experiencing a dance between colours becoming subtly darker and lighter, altering the way I see and feel line, shape and pattern all around me.

Being Highly Sensitive – Our Only Constancy is Change

I don’t have colour constancy so my brain is always trying to decide what colour something is. Are my pink trousers really pink today or are they red or are they orange? They haven’t changed much from yesterday but there is some subtle change to the hue which alerts my brain that I am now seeing a different colour.

I don’t have sound constancy so my brain is always trying to decide what sound something it. My heater is clicking in the corner of my room. Is it the same click as yesterday? Or is it slightly brighter, duller, louder, quieter? Again, not much change from yesterday but my brain still has this insatiable curiosity about the quality of sound.

I don’t have touch constancy so my brain is always trying to decide how something feels. Every day I touch the cushions on my settee and my brain wonders if they feel the same as yesterday. Are they a little softer, a little too soft, a little harsher? Again not much change from yesterday but my brain cannot help itself but ask the questions.

And then there is smell. Do the chips cooking smell the same as yesterday? And taste? Do my chips taste the same as yesterday? Yes, my brain will not be happy if it hasn’t considered these things.

Exhausting – you must think! Well, yes it is! But I have a solution.

I need to work out what the pattern is. How does my cushion feel in January, February, March . . . ? What does the kitchen tap sound like and how does it make me feel in January, February, March . . . ? What colour is my strawberry jam in January, February, March . . .?

Then when that time of year comes round again, I won’t be shocked. I will be expecting each variation of the stimuli as I move through the year. Constancy, any way you can get it, is comforting. Lack of constancy is disturbing and makes us feel insecure.

I don’t have constancy for any of my sensitivities so the only thing constant in my life is change.

My Power Comes from Imbalance, not Balance!

I wanted to be balanced – I really did – but that is not my destiny.

I live in a nearly continuous state of imbalance because of my reaction to the light spectrum. In fact, if the light ever feels balanced, I feel quite lost and don’t know what to do with myself!

Today for instance – another cloudy rainy day in the UK. Thankfully I perceive enough green light to feel open hearted. However, I don’t feel grounded (low red light), I always have my friend, the violet light, though, energising, inspiring and pushing me on to higher and greater things.

I can do much with my perception of violet light. I can get to the heart of things and put on my analytical creative hat. I can work with data and make deductions and build theories. I wouldn’t become the crazy analyst if the light was balanced. I am pretty sure I would be doing something a lot more mundane!

Balance is nice if you can get it but maybe a little ordinary. It is imbalance that leads you into the extra-ordinary and and if you hold its hand, it will take you on the most exciting journey!

We are not Islands When it Comes to Our Well-being – What is Influencing You Today?

I have been thinking about all the things that influence our state of well-being outside of our brains, and our own brains are challenging enough for some of us! Or – is there no such thing as anything outside of our brain because our well-being is all intertwined with our relationship with the world?

With or without knowing it, we are all constantly influenced by:-

  • Our visual perception
  • Our perception of sound
  • Our perception of smell
  • Our perception of taste and texture
  • Our perception of touch
  • Our perception of balance
  • Our proprioception
  • Our perception of colour
  • Our perception of light
  • Our perception of temperature
  • Seasonal Changes
  • The Weather
  • The Moon
  • Our Health
  • Our Cycles and Rhythms
  • Our feelings and thoughts
  • The quality of our family relationships
  • The emotional climate around us
  • Atmospheres of places and buildings

We can’t really separate out these stimuli and and the affects of them on our well-being. I got up today and saw there was sheep on the hill ouside our bedroom window (that weren’t there last time I looked) and felt comforted. I went to the other side of the house and the clouds were as black as black. I felt slightly less comfort but a sort of excitement as the light was bright on the garden, but the sky was dark. Then someone used the tap downstairs and I felt less comfort again, and rattled, and closed the door of the room I was in. Then my husband came in and told me how dark the sky was (!) and I automatically turned to look at it, without thinking first. The colour hurt my eyes. Now I have the sound of hail on my window which sometimes I love, but today I am not so sure about.

And so my day will continue . . a mixture of influences from my own thoughts and ideas, to the weather, light, colour, my son’s feelings . . . I am intrinsically connected to these things. There is no point in seeing them as rude interruptions or nuisances. They shape who I am and what I am going to do. I need to welcome them with open arms and let them move and inspire me.

What I do know today is that this exciting weather is giving me the energy and inspiration to write this post.

We are not islands when it comes to our wellbeing? What is influencing you today?

We Can’t Really Find Connection. We Simply Have Connection!

Passionate about healing, I have always had ‘connection’ in my sights. I have been blessed enough to have a lot of insight about connection and disconnection and felt that in time it would all come together and I would feel truly connected.

However, this wasn’t to be my destination. I had to learn that no matter how much I healed, was self aware, stayed present with myself, none of it was enough.

I am not just me or not just me in relationship to others. I am also me in relationship to my environment. And this is where I get to feel what it is not to be in control. I can’t sort this relationship with my environment through therapy or self development. No, I have to surrender to it.

As a farmer has to surrender to their relationship with the weather and a fisherman to their relationship with the ocean, I have to surrender to my relationship with the light. I have to let it shape me and change me and bring out all the power that is within me.

I can’t choose to get up and ‘be’ creative. The light will make me creative or not make me creative. I can’t get up and choose to be a home-maker. The light will make me a home maker or not a home-maker. I can’t get up and choose to be a truth speaker or a leader. The light will lead me there or not lead me there. I am not in control. I can’t choose to connect with my emotions or with my intuition or with my physical energy. And I can’t choose total connection.

Today I don’t perceive enough red or blue light. This means that I can’t be really grounded or really emotionally connected, no matter how hard I try. I do perceive a lot of ultraviolet light that is giving me the energy to write this post.

Many of us are looking for total connection. We try to find it through yoga or exercise or the latest cleansing diet or using our breath. There is nothing wrong with these things but the truth is that there is no such thing as total connection when we are looking simply inside ourselves. We can try to apply all the latest health technology and fill ourselves with the latest super foods and vitamins and minerals but we will not find our place of total connection.

Connection is found in trust. When I can’t feel all the connectedness I want, I have to trust – I have to believe that connection is there.

Connection is found in knowing. When you can’t ‘feel connection,’ that can be frightening, make you insecure, and be disorientating. Knowing is FAITH that connection simply is there. It is more real than anything we can try to create or think we have.

No . . we can’t really find connection. We simply HAVE connection!

Heal Your Gut – Match Colour and Texture with the Light!

As I said in a previous post I have tried many diets from the free from food! to the anti-candida and fodmap and none of them have really worked.

I have had to really scratch my head when it comes to eating. Some days I feel I can easily eat my oat biscuits and drink my berry juice and other days my body seems to go into some sort of resistance and not want these things. Some days I have even had unpleasant symptoms just drinking a small glass of highland spring water. And on days when I have eaten what I felt would be the best for me I have often felt my worst.

Then I discovered my reaction to colour and texture and over time I have been piecing together how my changing tastes correlate with the changing light. This has been revolutionary.

My Diet Today

I started my day as usual with Green and Black’s dark chocolate! It is the only thing I feel I can digest first thing in the morning and seems to calm my gut so that I am ready to eat more foods a little later. Now I had a choice of the 70% standard or 70% velvet edition! Yes, G & B have bought out a smoother chocolate. This choice was a very important one because the standard is crunchy and feels more acidic and the velvet one is smoother and feels less acidic. I looked out of the window, saw the light was ‘blue’ and chose the smooth one. Ahh – good choice

An hour later I was hungry again and by now the light was getting brighter. My need for ‘crunch’ has started so I turned to my Nairns oat biscuits. They have just the right crunch and just the right amount and I can add a little fat with some butter and a little sweetness with a tiny amount of strawberry jam.. I was satisfied once again until I realised I was thirsty! And I had another choice to make – a red berry juice with more strawberries in or a darker purple berry juice with more blackcurrants? The red juice wasn’t calling to me today and the colour of the darker juice seemed to resonate with me more so I chose the darker juice. Ah – it has a smoother more velvety taste that the red one – again, right choice.

A little later in the morning I was hungry again! Now sometimes late morning I have a real taste for some sourdough bread. This really fills me up until lunch time. However today I felt resistant to it and even though I tried to eat it, I decided it wasn’t right for me so stopped. I looked out of the window and saw that the light hadn’t really balanced as it sometimes does by this time of day. It still appeared ‘more blue’. So I decided to have more ginger oatcakes. Although that would be raising my sugar levels I knew instinctively that I would digest them fine and I did.

So, next stop lunch. In June my lunches are a bit limited and this is mostly due to my reaction to colour and texture. I see blue in green which means I avoid green vegetables except courgettes because they are two-toned! I see green in brown meat so I only eat chicken, pork and fish. I can’t do ‘crisp’ even though I can do ‘crunchy’ so don’t choose chips. I can’t do ‘super soft’ even though I can do ‘smooth’ so I don’t choose fish. Today’s meal was pork marinaded in herbs, griddled courgette and red pepper and new potatoes. Yum – all nice and easy to digest.

Then in the afternoon I revisited ‘crunchy’ with a couple more oat biscuits and revisited ‘smooth’ with a bit more chocolate before I arrived at tea-time. By this time of day the blue and violet light is dropping away and usually I perceive more red light. This means I am happier eating softer food so my tea was home-made sourdough bread, butter, strawberry spread and sheep’s cheese. I completed this a with little more juice and a tablespoon of kefir. And well . . . a few more squares of standard, less smooth chocolate in the evening!

So . . . I eat according to the light and how this makes me feel about colour and texture. And it works.

We need to eat the food that matches us and resonates with us. Why don’t you talk to your gut and give it a go!

Nothing is Right Day

tired animal

Today I feel that nothing is right.

It isn’t right to be outspoken and it isn’t right to keep quiet

It isn’t right to be with people and it isn’t right to be alone

It isn’t even right to be right and it certainly isn’t right to be wrong!!

My Theory

There is a lot of blue light today giving me gritty determination to push forward my own ideas. However there is less red light so I feel less secure in myself and my ideas. The two feelings clash and confuse and confound me.

The Violet Light and the Waterfall of Words!

waterfall

The last couple of days we have had high white cloud and I always perceive a lot of violet in this light. I perceive less of the lower and middle frequencies which makes me feel quite un-grounded and very buoyant!

In this light I have thousands of words in my head! It is like endless torrents and waterfalls of things that must be said. My heart feels wide open and my thinking gains a clarity that I don’t experience in any other light. My son (11) is the same. After a long day on the computer he comes down, eyes bright and full of ideas and opinions and feelings which he must express. I only see this energy in him now – in the middle of the summer.

What Do I Do?

Well, in the past, the bright light has meant ‘Hide’ quick, hide yourself away before you do anything silly and say anything ridiculous and bore anybody or offend anybody.’ And I literally have hidden from the light (sat on the settee with my hands covering my face) and hidden from myself (have spoken nothing and been completely mute).

However, this year, I feel a change in myself. I won’t hide any more. If this is the light when I feel the most energy then I am going to feel that energy. I am going to express that energy. I am going to follow that energy wherever it takes me even if it is to the ends of the earth and back.

I will not be frightened of my own energy any longer.

Are you frightened of yours’ ?

Some Days I Feel Way Too Much

parents-and-children-1794951_1920

This is a sequel to my previous post ‘Some Days I Just Don’t Feel Much’

Some days I feel way too much. I get up in the morning and immediately I feel emotional. This morning I felt emotional when I couldn’t find my lists on the Waitrose website! I can feel emotional just trying to choose whether I should write an e-mail or put the washing on first!

I feel everything more sensory-wise too. I noticed the softness of the water on my hands when I washed them this morning. I noticed how hard my sandals felt on my feet. The car seemed to be faster and bumpier than usual and the hygienist (which was my destination) – well don’t get me started . . .!

On days like today my head seems to whir with thoughts and my heart seems to buzz with feelings. When I talk to people I want to express so much and suddenly realise the limitation of words. When I have spoken to people I think of how our conversation could have been more meaningful or how I could have been more transparent.  Nothing seems to satisfy my intense desire for connection. My husband can give my a demonstrative squeeze but seconds later that feeling has gone – blown away on the wind.

What Do I Do?

Firstly I accept my deep feeling self

Then I do anything that satisfies my need to feel deeply, recognising that this isn’t always easy especially if you really need to make a Waitrose order! This is why I was looking for my lists – because I wanted to engage more deeply with our family’s needs. I knew this would make me happier than just randomly shopping or shopping without a list.

And most importantly I trust that I am giving and receiving enough even though it doesn’t feel that way. I accept that the insatiable hunger for emotional connection is a sense – a feeling. My feeling of unsatisfied need today is not the truth.

The truth is that I am enough and I have enough and that my heart is the wellspring of life always. 

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