Why did the light change yesterday?!
I have been sailing on through November and December thinking the light is good. I have been able to project manage our home improvements. I have even been able to sort CD’s and books and tolerate the constant chaos of stuff around us.
Then yesterday . . . my mood suddenly changed. And it wasn’t because it was Christmas Eve! I looked around me and realised I wasn’t seeing so much yellow but was seeing more orange in the light. This usually makes me feel a bit downhearted. I was gutted, realising that is would likely be another struggle of a Christmas Day.
And here we are . . Christmas Day . . . and lot of black cloud!! And grumpy wife and mum.
What can I do to cheer myself?
Sit in the only light there is and do my jigsaw puzzle that is full of whites and neutrals. This is the best Christmas Day Cloud Therapy there is!
Our home improvements continue . . . the aim being more about feeling better than the house looking better . . . but I am open to both!
My last post was about the wonder of our white walls and how they help me to think clearly and feel brighter.
Well, today, our carpet arrived and the sudden new colour had quite a surprising reaction from me. To describe it . . . it is a sort of beige with a white speck like a highlight . . not an unusual colour for a carpet at all. It was my son who chose the colour. I would have had something a little more gold with a little more red in it. But no . . my son didn’t want to see any red. It had to be this carpet.
When I first went into our sitting-room I noticed the texture and the colour both at once and I felt like I was at the beach! I decided to be open-minded and realised the beach feeling was OK. I somehow felt lighter yet grounded at the same time. Our last carpet was a dark browny red and I realised it had made me feel stodgy and overly grounded. It has contributed to feeling that I work so hard but never get quite to where I want to go. I am staying earth-borne when I want to be air-borne. With out new carpet i feel like I might be able to fly after all!
The other noticeable thing was that I felt initially that the beige took something away from my snow-cave white walls. I felt as if any yellow or green was not allowed in our room. But when I checked out my samples for the slightly goldy beige curtains and settees I could see that yellow and green had something to say to me. They were telling me that I need them. I have noticed over the days of living in my snow cave that although enjoying being so clear thinking I felt a little emotionally detached. Seeing the extra colours come into the room I feel more in my heart and it feels right.
I really struggle with the medium frequencies of orange, yellow and green. They can appear off balance, too bright, too dull, as the season pass by. But I still need them and maybe I can take them in through other colours like beige and gold and this becomes easier within the context of my white snow cave!
If you would like to know more about my experience of colour sensitivity and how to help yourself feel better by gaining a greater understanding of your relationship with colour you might like to have a look at my book.
Buy at Amazon
Firstly I don’t do know if I am a tetrachromat or not but I certainly see a lot of colours!
And there is something about doing a jigsaw puzzle with snow that really gets me going! I love working with the different shades of white. I can’t do the puzzle on a cloudy day – when I can’t pick up all the light frequencies – only a day when there is enough blue and violet light around to make the whites ‘sing’.
I haven’t blogged much this year as life has been so crazy that I just didn’t know where to start!
In the last year and a half my life has been turned upside down and it all started when I realised I have a very strange experience of seeing colour and seasonal light change. And just to make things a whole lot more complicated my son, who is 11, has something similar but even more extreme!
Essentially we don’t seem to be seeing a balanced spectrum and when we don’t see a particular frequency well we can’t enjoy looking at a colour that has that frequency in it. For instance we have blue curtains in our lounge and they look OK to me in the summer when I can see clearly blue and green in the light. However in the winter I see less blue and so they appear more green. This imbalance sets off all sorts of nervous system symptoms that I am just not in control of.
The more I have unraveled this conundrum the more amazed and scared I have been. How do I live in the world when I can’t always engage with colour? ‘I must find solutions’ has been my constant thinking. I can dress according to the light and eat food according to the light. This has helped a lot. Then I have sorted out cupboards and drawers and nearly exhausted Ikea’s supply of Sockerbit white boxes! If I can’t see it, my heart can’t grieve over it! And finally we are neutralising our house and not leaving one stone unturned. I am even replacing 32 sockets (well, someone is!) with sockets that have no red on the switches. Our home isn’t going to be bland though. I still need the colours of wood and a few paintings but I need a lot of white – as long as it is the right white – and I can’t see blue, green or grey in it and my son can’t see red in it!
We don’t yet know how all of this will change our lives but every time something dark leaves our house and this week it was fourteen 60’s brown doors (!) I see my son look a little lighter and I feel a little lighter too. I used to find solace in a lot of colour and pattern. I thought I found it comforting but how wrong was I?
Comfort comes from being in the ‘right’ place with the ‘right’ things and the ‘right’ people. Transforming our home is going to be a big change but I think I am happy to relinquish the clutter and be laid bare!
I have been trying to understand my sensitivity to light and colour from many different angles (most of them scientific) but recently something has led me to think about it all from a more spiritual angle.
As I have been observing my colour sensitivity symptoms over the last 7 months I have noticed that they correlate with me seeing a predominance of one coloured light in the atmosphere. And also I seem to be experiencing symptoms in a specific area of my body – different for each coloured light. So . . . in the summer when the light felt more blue to me, the symptoms were around my head and chest. But if it got stormy and there was a lot of cloud I would see the light as yellow and my symptoms would drop lower in my body and affect my mood. I have continued to study my reaction to coloured light and these are my findings:-
Red Light – I feel this in my lower abdomen. It feels like intimacy and makes me feel stronger in my legs. I feel more secure and grounded.
Orange Light – I feel this in my upper abdomen. It feels like strength and causes me to be more outspoken but I can feel a bit separate from other people. I enjoy collaboration
Green Light – I feel this around my stomach. It feels like life but I need more time to digest the things of the day than usual.
Yellow Light – I feel this around my heart. It feels like warmth. I am more acepting of myself and others. I am more affectionate and like more affection. I can sometimes feel overly vulnerable.
Blue – I feel this around my chest and throat. It feels like independence of thought. I can feel very strong in my own ideas and find it easy to speak my truth. I can sometimes feel a bit lonely
Indigo – I feel this around my shoulders and neck . It feels like belief in the greater plan. I feel strong and resolute. I am looking for the light in the darkness. I can feel a bit overwhelmed by the work I have to do.
Violet – I feel this around my head. It feels like clarity of thought and I find it easier to let go to my intuition. I can be impatient and don’t have much time for anything that doesn’t feel really meaningful.
We all have our story to unfold. I just wanted to share my story. What is your story?
For me colours are changing all the time. Sometimes they have life and sometimes they don’t. And this is obviously a big problem at Christmas. This is my story this year . . .
I sorted through our Christmas decorations today and was shocked to realise that I struggle with the colour of most of them! With the orange light of this time of year, the reds all look funny to me and most of the golds look too orange and sort of heavy and dull. I always struggle with green so this year we are making a buff willow tree. I will post a picture if we ever get it together! I am keeping my shell decorations. I like the way the light shines through them. And I am keeping some baubles that are the right shade of gold and a bit glittery and to me have life in them. I’m keeping our buff coloured porcelain birds in hats and scarves that sit on the mantlepiece and I am keeping 2 white fluffy doves for our new willow tree! I am happy with my minimalist Christmas collection. I will be adding more things I truly love (and not just those I think I should like) over the years!!
My husband is amazed that I have never identified my problem with colour until now. To be honest, so am I! I have always wondered why I got so hot and stressed at Christmas when we decorated the house and opened the presents. I always couldn’t wait to clear all the boxes and wrapping away and then I tried to make sense of all the colour and clutter that was left behind. I would look at it and know that something was wrong but until this year I never knew what it was!
I am trying to learn all I can about my experience of colour and light.
Yesterday was a hot sunny day. My son who is 9 and also colour sensitive decided he wanted to go to the beach. I thought ‘Well, this is the first time we have been to the beach since I have started my investigation so it might be interesting!’
We arrived at the bustling seaside town of Lyme Regis (our nearest coastal town) and I had worn a fleece and a summer beany because I am always cold and feel shivery in the sun. As soon as I got out of the car I realised that in my effort to stay warm I had forgotten to bring a hat with a brim to shelter me from the sunlight so our first stop was the hat shop! From a small collection of hats on a stand outside a little seaside store I chose a hat. I wouldn’t usually choose anything so quickly but the light from the sun felt unbearable and the buzz on the prom and the nearby icecream store was beginning to jangle me. There was no mirror, it was slightly too large but my husband said it looked good and I had no intention of taking it off so we bought it!
Under the refuge of my hat I still needed to find shade so we went up into the park that rises steeply and looks out over the sea. It is a considerable slope and there were many steps to climb. My legs felt like lead. Strange – they were fine when I got up that morning. Ah, it must have been the light. When we reached our shady spot I felt relieved. I looked out over the bay and thought about the colours. The blue sky was ok to me through my sunglasses that have a brown tint. The sea I could tell was a gorgeous combination of blues and deep turquoises but my reaction did not match my perception. I felt unmoved by the colours. They were ok to me probably because of their luminescence – otherwise I may I felt repelled by them. I then thought about how I felt in other ways. I felt very ungrounded and pretty disconnected with myself and my family. I felt like everything was too big – the sea, the sky – and I asked myself the question ‘What am I doing here if it doesn’t make me happy?’
By this time I wanted to go home but my son reminded me that we had to go to the beach. Oh no, I looked down at the beach and all the buzz and colours and the walk in the bright sunlight to get there . . . and then I conceded that I would give it a try.
When we had climbed down the slope and reached the streets running adjacent to the beach I felt ok but when we arrived at the beach itself I was amazed to find that the sand looked glary to me – sandy coloured and glary! Why had I never noticed this before? So many times I haven’t been happy on a beach but I hadn’t realised that it was the colour. It looked miles down to the sea and the blue didn’t look so good now as it had looked from up high in our shady spot. How was I ever going to make it? I felt upset that I couldn’t bear to go to the sea with my son. And I didn’t want to wait while my husband took my son to the sea. Why would I? I was hot and shivery and all the colours were looking wrong to me. I didn’t feel safe to just be left by myself. The beach didn’t feel like a friendly local little beach. To me under the glare of the sunlight and with the subtle visual distortion I was experiencing it felt more like the Sahara Desert!
A Revelatory Moment!
What if had glasses to balance the colours? At the moment I feel that I am not picking up enough red and as red is a grounding colour I am not able to feel grounded. Colours that make me feel more expanded (blues and greens) look wrong because of the absence of red. Therefore I can’t enjoy feeling expansive either. Colours that make me feel safe – the earthy colours some way between grounded and expansive – yellows, browns and oranges – also look wrong because of the absence of red. So I feel I have no grounded place, no safe place and no exciting place to go. I am STUCK and all because of my perception of colour!
Is colour affecting your experience of enjoying the wonder of intimacy and the excitement of expansiveness? Maybe you are colour sensitive. If my article resonates with you please check out the following
~Blue blocking glasses if your symptoms are more pronounced in the summer and if blues and violets can seem too intense to you. You can buy these off the shelf at Amazon and other shops or opticians. Try different ones at different times and you may find they block out different percentages of blue and violet. I have 3 pairs.
~Turquoise glasses if your symptoms are more pronounced in the Autumn and reds and pinks can seem to intense to you. You can get these via Irlen or Colourimetry.