Visionary Living – When You Have Nothing to Do!

child thinking

How can I have nothing to do?

Well, that is the strange thing about being a visionary. You actually can have nothing to do! And it is an embarrassing thing to admit and some people are completely dumbfounded when I tell them! One person I told even said that if they had double the time they have they still wouldn’t have enough time to do everything they need to do. Well . . . I am different.

Why do I have nothing to do?

My path is very clear to me and only certain things have energy in them. If there’s no energy, there is no life and there is no point in doing the thing that you think of doing.

If I really think can’t I find something to do?

I can see things I might do on another day or in the future but the energy isn’t in them today so it would be futile to attempt doing them today.

Will I go crazy if I have nothing to do?

I sometimes think I will(!) but then the day seems to unfold somehow and I find myself doing random things I hadn’t planned at all. Or I sit and ponder. Or I find someone to do nothing with! And I take comfort in knowing that the ‘nothing to do’ phase will pass.

 

 

 

Vulnerability – Wearing Your Wounds with Pride!

birds learn to fly

Hmm, I have managed to come off my hover-board twice in the last 2 days!

Generally hover-boarding seems a nice gentle past-time but I wanted to step it up a bit – literally!

Day 1 – I made myself a ramp and came a cropper at the top of it when the board of the ramp swung round and caught the board. Feeling the momentum of the board as I climbed the slope I so wanted to get to the top and see if I could balance there!

Day 2 – I just climbed a small step from the grass to the patio (a step I had mastered several times before ) and fell flat on my bottom into the raised bed of herbs!

Day 1 – Response. When I fell I thought it was serious. I saw pictures of me in hospital and felt pretty scared. My husband was in the garden but just out of ear-shot so I had to call him 3 times. The reality was just a bit of grazing to my hand and my ego.  I needed a lot of comfort though, feeling like I was 3 and had just fallen off my tricyle.

Day 2 – Response. When I fell I felt a sense of deja vu – just the same pain in the just the same place as yesterday. I re-bruised my hand and this time broke the skin. My son was with me and he was very unsympathetic as he thinks I am a bit crazy and he doesn’t like the sight of blood. I just got up and washed my hand and carried on with life.

On Reflection

I felt strangely unpreturbed and almost a little bit proud of the fact that I had added to my injuries. I am usually risk averse so these injuries mean I had done something – I had been brave and although it didn’t go as planned I had demonstrated my courage.

Vulnerability is like that. Every time I am my authentic self I feel like I am climbing the ramp on my hoverboard. And I won’t stop. I need to push my boundaries and see if I can balance at the top.

Sometimes I fall off and feel a bit silly but I am learning to wear my wounds with pride.

Are you?

The Violet Light

violet light

The Violet Light

 

February and the violet light wakes

And the light suddenly feels very bright.

March and the light is even brighter,

Meaning red and orange is back on my spectrum,

Softening the violet and blue.

 

April and moving lighter still,

Yellow and green come into their own

But red and orange are starting to fade

As blue and violet get stronger each day.

 

May and the light is nearly at its brightest.

All the colours of the spectrum seem to dance.

And then comes June with its predominance of blue

Which washes out some of the beautiful colours.

 

July and we are coming back down in brightness again

But the violet light can be very bright.

August and I start to see red,

The blue starts to fade and the violet light with it.

 

By September the world is appearing more red,

There’s a shortage of yellow and green.

In October the light has become dimmer

And yellow has reappeared but with a very reddish tinge.

 

In November there is a burst of blue

As the light is becoming dimmer.

And in December and January the red is back

The light feels heavy, red and orange.

Yellow is in short supply.

 

And then it is February and the bright violet light wakes . . .

And we start all over again!

 

Raw Blues Acapella – Don’t Rock the Boat!

Yesterday I met an 8 year old who sang from her heart. She had so little confidence in her voice that she would only sing to me standing with her back to me and singing to the wall. Then she sang this most beautiful song that she had created about love and friendship. It really touched me.

I create little songs too and often don’t have the confidence to sing them out. In fact I have collected my little songs in the hope that one day I will make them into proper compositions. When I feel a song coming on I just sing into my camera and then keep it in a folder on my computer.

Today exactly that happened. A song came out of nowhere. At first I thought it was nothing but then I thought ‘No this is definitely something.’ I started singing the words ‘Don’t rock the boat Jennie Wren, don’t rock the boat!’  Jennie Wren is the name my mother and my sister have  called me at times. I don’t use it or hear it any more very often at all but it takes me straight back to my childhood. An then the words developed, along with the tune and my strong feelings and before I knew where I was I had a song. And as usual I recorded it straight into my camera.

So . . . the recording isn’t the best, the song was never drafted or practiced. This is just an expression straight from my heart.  It was not born to be made into a composition. It was born to be heard in its raw state in this moment. I hope it touches you.

 

What is ‘My Balanced’ ?

balance stones

Working with the light I get a real feeling for how much of our ‘balanced’ or ‘not balanced’ state is dependent on our relationship with our environment.

If I perceive a lot of violet light I can feel intuitive to the point of feeling dazed. If I perceive a lot of yellow light I can feel emotionally connected to the point of feeling teary and overly vulnerable.

But what if I perceive the light as balanced?

Well, I will take you through my experience of the spectrum.

RED – I feel quite secure and quite grounded but still prefer to have people around me.

ORANGE – I feel outspoken and comfortable asking for my needs but I have a lot of words unsaid – still inside of me – because I don’t have the opportunity or know who or where to speak them.

YELLOW – I feel emotionally connected, finding it easy to give and receive love, but then there is a lot of love that I am not sure what to do with. It doesn’t necessarily translate into making cups of tea or ironing someone’s shirt or even a hug or ‘I love you’. No – it feels bigger than those things.

GREEN – I just about manage to digest the knowledge that I am in a fact a visionary and I am raising a visionary. My head feels full of doubts and questions and a certain amount of fear but I am able to quell these and press on quite well.

BLUE – I feel single minded and full of determination whilst at the same time trusting others to help me and support me. I am however very feisty and ‘do not suffer fools gladly’. Just to add another saying ‘I call a spade a spade!’

INDIGO – I find it possible to let go and be myself without too much second guessing. Fears, doubts and questions do still flutter around quite a lot though.

VIOLET – I run with my intuition. If I think of something random to do I do it without too many questions – like this blog post. I know it feels better to run and not look around too much. My fear of my intensity is the biggest block to really letting go.

So, this is ‘my balanced’ and in many ways it doesn’t sound very balanced at all! But as a human, a visionary and a person trying to embrace my vulnerability and be real, this is as balanced as I get. Maybe I should learn to be happy with it!

I wonder what your ‘balanced’ is?

 

balance stones

 

March 2019 – Important Lightwatcher Story

contented cat

I understand Spring is a common season for people to suffer with depression. You look outside and think how the days are getting longer and light brighter but you just don’t feel ‘happy’.

From my experience there is a lot of undulation around how much yellow light we perceive in the early Spring. One minute the blue light is bright enough for us to perceive more yellow light and the next it isn’t.  I find sometimes the sky looks slightly turquoise in the spring because I am picking up green (next to blue in the spectrum) but not so much yellow. (one colour down from green on the spectrum). When I pick up less yellow I find my mood goes down and I don’t feel so connected to my feelings, the people around me and the world.

I can also perceive less yellow in November and/or December but because there is a lot of red around I don’t seem to feel so detached. Red is a grounding light.

What to Do.

Find things that help you feel more connected. I find it is a good time to sort out the family videos and look back on happy memories.

Stay with positive feelings and input if you can. It is not good time to watch a really sad drama on TV!

Know that the feelings of detachment will pass and you will feel your lovely feelings of attachment again.

 

A Guitar Loop – Face the Blue Light Blues!

I can see too much red in the autumn and winter and too much blue in the middle of summer. Spring is only time when I feel I might be seeing the right amount of blue for my brain to be able to relax.

When I see the blue light of spring though, the light is starting to get brighter and my first instinct is to hide myself away. I think I can’t ‘do’ the brightness. But the brightness knocks away on the door of my heart asking to come in. I know really that this particular blue light of spring has enormous energy and power contained in it for me. I feel if I don’t do my best to harness it I might go crazy!

I hope you enjoy my loop. The pictures that I have chosen take you on little journeys we have been on as a family in our endeavour to face the blue light!

 

Autism Mis-diagnosed – Could it be Colour Sensitivity?

snow owl

My son is 11 and has a lot of sensory processing issues, his most challenging ones being visual and sound.  When we go to see doctors, paediatricians and occupational therapists no-one knows how to help us. They don’t seem to have seen this type of sensitivity before (especially the visual processing) and they don’t seem to have seen sensitivity outside of autism.

So . . . where do they refer us? Autism testing.

I told my son about the assessment and he was quite indignant that he didn’t want to be mis-diagnosed as having autism and so he he wrote a letter to the doctor.

Dear Dr,

I am Luca and I am 11. I have an appointment to come and see you and Mum and Dad say it is about behaviour and autism.

I don’t think it will help me to come to be assessed because I think lots of people are being mis-diagnosed with autism when really they are colour sensitive.

I am sensitive to colour and pattern. I see colour and pattern different to other people. And it makes my brain do funny things. I can’t think very straight when I am in a room of a particular colour. And when people show me things on paper or on the screen I might not be able to process them. Or when people ask me questions I might not feel well enough or have enough energy to answer them. I don’t even like looking at people’s faces much or do eye contact because of the colour and patterns on people’s faces.

When I am in a room of the right colour which is really a type of white, I can concentrate much better but I might still struggle if the light outside doesn’t feel right for me or if it is sunny or if there is a blue sky.

When I go for appointments to see doctors I feel like I can’t really be me. My Mum has to speak for me and I feel trapped by the colours in the room and on people’s clothes. I can’t really show people who I am.

I don’t really mind being assessed for behaviour things or autism but I am not happy to be assessed in a place that is not right for me and then get mis-diagnosed. I feel at my best in December when the light is dim, after dark and in my house which is all neutral colours and patterns.

My Mum helped me write this letter because of my processing problem.

I hope you understand and take me seriously,

Luca

 

Colour Sensitivity – Lightwatcher Story – February 24th 2019

hiding from glare

February and the light is getting that little bit brighter. In fact it feels suddenly a lot brighter . . . because the violet light has woken up. Violet light is there in the beginning and middle of winter too but there is nothing like the violet light of February. It feels ‘harsh.’

The reason the February light feels harsh is that seeing more violet light when the light is still generally not at its brightest means I see less red light to soften the blue. As the light gets brighter the red light appears in my perception again around May only to disappear again as we head into the brightest month of June.

How Does This Affect Me?

Colours look at their best

At this point between the darker light of winter and brighter light of midsummer.  Even though the red is low for me, I can still see enough red to perceive colours very well except for perhaps acid yellow.

My other sensitivities are at their highest.

I am particularly sensitive to sound and white noise drives me crazy – the filling of our water tank after a bath, the fan of my computer, our kettle, the rattling of plastic bags. All these sounds make me feel jangled.

I have a lot of energy!

My brain feels like it is going at 100 mph and there is nothing I can do to slow it down!

What Do I Do?

  • I celebrate the beauty of the colours
  • I examine the things that causing me disturbance in the house. For instance we changed the water pressure to make the sound of the header tank filling up more bearable.  And I am trying to find a new kettle!
  • I try to focus on one thing at a time.
  • I try to filter out any clutter whether that is thoughts or physical clutter in my environment.
  • I ask other people to be as calm and slow as they can with me and to not give me too much information at once.
  • I eat food that feels comforting and has a softness to me.
  • I wear clothes that have a soft colour to me.

Most of all I enjoy my crazy flitty intuition that can lead on me exciting little journeys!

To read more about mine and my son’s experiences of colour sensitivity please see my book:-

I Can’t Sit on That Red Chair – The Relationship Between Sensory Processing Difficulties and Colour Sensitivity