When the Red Tones are Missing . . .

I often see too much blue and not enough red. When red tones are missing, nothing feels complete.

When I went back to school as a child the trees were losing their leaves and they didn’t feel compete.

The pumpkin of October didn’t feel complete and even less so with holes in.

The flames dancing around on the fire in November hurt my eyes and didn’t feel complete.

The presents and tree of Christmas didn’t feel complete. The colours and patterns of my clothes didn’t feel complete.

The colours, shapes and patterns of the food on my plate didn’t feel complete.

People’s voices, music, the sound of a bath tap didn’t feel complete.

A hug or a kind word didn’t feel complete.

Nothing felt complete until New Year when there was a bit more blue and red light and my hope of completion started to rise. By Easter things were feeling better and by my Birthday in May I could process the patterns on my new Birthday cardigan.

And then in June, that old feeling of incompleteness started back again. On a sunny day when all looked so beautiful, the garden felt incomplete, the beach, the hills, the woods – they all felt incomplete. And vegetables and meat started to become very slightly blue and colours appeared in general a bit drained, like someone was forgetting to add red to the world. I felt unsafe from September to December but now it was a different feeling of being unsafe – the light felt brash and harsh and I could feel exposed and lost. So my ‘normal’ is to feel ‘incompleteness.’

As an adult I understand it. It is all about my perception. The world doesn’t change like I think it does. My perception does.

My experience has taught me to trust and taught me to have faith. These are the two things that are constant in my life. These things are unchanging.

Living with Spectral Sensitivity – Our only Constant is Change!

I have chosen the term ‘ambient colour sensitivity’ to describe mine and my son’s experience. I think this best describes our changing perception of colour which transforms how we momentarily perceive line, shape and pattern. Our experience changes the way we feel emotionally, feel in our bodies and the way we think. Our nervous system is also affected, confusing our brain and heightening our other sensitivities.

We have a feeling of incompleteness to our sensory experiences. A colour can suddenly appear too bright or too dull as if some hues are missing. A sound can suddenly feel harsh as if the softer tones are not there. A taste can suddenly be too sweet or too sour as if some elements of the flavour are absent. When we wear tints that give us a balanced perception of colour, our sensory experience feels constant.

When our colour perception is improved, ‘nothing is missing’. There is a feeling of completeness. On the basis of this discovery, some may say that we have Irlen Syndrome. However, whereas with Irlen syndrome, a person can usually find one or two tints to balance their perception of the spectrum on a constant basis, we are not able to do that. A few seconds, minutes or hours after we have found the right tint, we perceive the spectrum to have changed and can no longer wear the tints.

In short . . .

Whereas most people have sensory constants – where experiences can become familiar and predictable – we have no constants. Our only constant, therefore is change.

Whereas most people have a ‘complete’ sensory experience – where their brain does not question whether there is ‘something is missing’, our best version of completeness is learning to live with ‘incompleteness’.

We live by the light meaning that from when we get up the morning We have half an eye out to check what the light is doing. How we see the light affects all our choices of the day – what we wear, what we eat, what we do and how we relate to ourselves and other people.

I have chosen the term ‘ambient colour sensitivity’ to describe mine and my son’s experience. I think this best describes our changing perception of colour which transforms how we momentarily perceive line, shape and pattern. Our experience changes the way we feel emotionally, feel in our bodies and the way we think. Our nervous system is also affected, confusing our brain and heightening our other sensitivities.

We have a feeling of incompleteness to our sensory experiences. A colour can suddenly appear too bright or too dull as if some hues are missing. A sound can suddenly feel harsh as if the softer tones are not there. A taste can suddenly be too sweet or too sour as if some elements of the flavour are absent. When we wear tints that give us a balanced perception of colour, our sensory experience feels constant.

When our colour perception is improved, ‘nothing is missing’. There is a feeling of completeness. On the basis of this discovery, some may say that we have Irlen Syndrome. However, whereas with Irlen syndrome, a person can usually find one or two tints to balance their perception of the spectrum on a constant basis, we are not able to do that. A few seconds, minutes or hours after we have found the right tint, we perceive the spectrum to have changed and can no longer wear the tints.

In short . . .

Whereas most people have sensory constants – where experiences can become familiar and predictable – we have no constants. Our only constant, therefore is change.

Whereas most people have a ‘complete’ sensory experience – where their brain does not question whether there is ‘something is missing’, our best version of completeness is learning to live with ‘incompleteness’.

We live by the light meaning that from when we get up the morning We have half an eye out to check what the light is doing. How we see the light affects all our choices of the day – what we wear, what we eat, what we do and how we relate to ourselves and other people.

Let me show you how your relationship with the light can be your superpower!

Ambient Colour Therapy – How I can Help Your Sensitive Child

My Experience of being a Healer

Fourteen years ago, I was sitting in the hairdresser’s and something happened that changed the course of my life forever. I had felt passionate about being a healer for a long time but on this day when I was in my early thirties I started to realise something that I had ‘known’ on a subliminal level since I was a child.

On this day I became aware that I could ‘see’ people’s energy patterns. People were appearing to me as if they were ‘substantial’ or ‘insubstantial’ in certain areas of their body. I instinctively knew that this wasn’t related to their size or weight. I felt sure that it had something to do with how connected they were with themselves.

Going outside to walk home from the hairdressers’, I saw a lady walking towards me. I almost didn’t want to look at her, frightened of what I might ‘see’; but I did, and I felt that I could see right into her heart. I could ‘see’ and ‘feel’ her pain. I knew this wasn’t related to her countenance or posture, or to anything else that I could see with my ‘physical’ eyes. This depth of ‘seeing’ was something different to anything I had experienced before.

From that point on I knew I could either be scared of what I saw, or I could learn to understand it, hone it and use it wisely to help myself and others. Since this experience I’ve been working earnestly with my healing – learning how to connect with myself by letting go of what is blocking me from really being ‘in my body’ and ‘in the world’. I have learnt to interpret signs, symptoms and sensations as messages telling me what is happening in each area of my body and myself as a whole. This has helped me not just to heal but also to maintain my levels of contentment, energy and motivation, and to find my place in the world. And I help others to benefit from the same.

My Experience with the Light Spectrum

I have worked out all sorts of things about my experience of the light spectrum . . . why I often have such a buzzy brain, why I sometimes struggle to feel really connected to others, why I can manage the sound of the washing machine on spin some days and not other days, why I sometimes lose my taste, why I sometimes react to certain textures, why I love analysing things and containing things in boxes, why I love to follow my crazy intuitive thoughts as far as they will take me, why sometimes I love the rhythm of a drum and the waves of the sea and sometimes I can’t bear the feeling of them at all. I could go on and on and on. . . . because my anlaytical brain has taken me on a long journey to analyse how I process everything I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and feel.

But I don’t just have an analytical brain. I also have a very intuitive one and have learnt to use my feelings in my body, my thoughts and emotions as a reference point to how the light spectrum is affecting me on any day, in any moment. I see endless correlations between how I experience the light and feelings in my body, my senses, my thoughts and emotions. This has answered a lot of questions for me because I just didn’t know why I lived with so much change. I find understanding the pattern of the light spectrum and how it impacts me is comforting and empowering. It is challenging but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

How Can I Help Your Child?

Having an understanding of how connected I am or how disconnected in any moment (by seeing my own energy) and blending this with my understanding of how the light spectrum is affecting me, I have come to accept that we are not responsible for all the issues we may perceive ourselves to have. There is a bigger story at work. The challenge is knowing what it is possible to change and what we need to accept as out of our control.

I Can Help You:-

  1. Know whether your child has ambient colour sensitivity or not.
  2. Know whether your child’s issues are unresolved emotional / psychological trauma, ambient colour sensitivity or both.
  3. Understand your child’s own unique pattern of experiencing the light spectrum across the day and the seasons.
  4. Find ways to improve your child’s quality of life.

I Can Also Help Your Child: –

  1. Maximise their energy and motivation levels according to the light spectrum.
  2. Understand their changing moods and feeling states.
  3. Know when it is best to do physical activities and when best to contain their physical energy.
  4. Eat, dress and choose the right activities to match their changing perception of the light spectrum.
  5. Have the right space to live, breathe and work in.
  6. Know when best to go outside or stay inside.
  7. Gain a fresh understanding of any other sensitivities that they have.

My Approach

  • I understand that having extreme sensitivities can make both adults and children feel that it is very difficult to find help.
  • I understand that sensitive children often have a strong sense of knowing about what is right or not right for them when it comes to help.
  • I honour your child’s sensitivities as personal and precious to them.
  • I recognise that we interpret our own experience of the subtleties of life through our senses and help your child to understand and work with their patterns (recurring seasonal experiences,) rather than change them.
  • I believe lasting change can happen when we find the answers together. From a place of safety and acceptance we find we can make new connections in our brain. This opens the doorway to healing.

How I Work

Having ambient colour sensitivity brings with it a lack of constancy. Things don’t stay the same from one day to the next – colour, pattern, sound, how you feel, how you move, how you think. They are all constantly changing. For this reason, we often can’t help ourselves using standard therapies and exercises. We need to go deeper and work with our relationship with ourselves, others and the world.

In a session I will hear your child’s story and share mine. We will dig deep into the mystery of living by the light spectrum together.

Location
I work from my home in Crewkerne, Somerset. It is in a peaceful location off a quiet side-road.  If you are driving, parking is secure on our drive. if you are using the bus it is approximately 500 yards from the bus stop.

Space
I use a quiet, light, airy, comfortable room (no stairs). We have a pet free, smoke free home. Between sessions I wipe down all surfaces used with antibacterial wipes. Due to my sensitivities I am not able to wear a mask but you are welcome to wear one if it makes you feel more comfortable. If you have any special needs, please let me know and I will do my best to meet them.

I also am happy to work on-line using Skype or Zoom or another platform that you prefer. As there is a lot of conversation and interaction in this work, I finds this works very well. I ask you to keep a diary describing your experience of the light in detail and is easy to share this on screen

Training, qualifications & experience

Diploma in Hypnotherapy (DHP Acc. Hyp) with Hypnotic World

Bachelor of Education (BEd) with the University of Wales

Diploma in Childbirth Education (DipCBed) with Childbirth International.

What I Charge

I charge:-

£15 per half hour session – children up to 7

£30 per hour session – children 8 – 16

  • Please note that: –
  • The session lengths are just suggestions. I would be happy to give a longer session to a younger child or a shorter session to an older child.
  • All children up to age 16 need to be accompanied by an adult

I offer a FREE 20 minute initial chat on Skype, Zoom or Teams for you to ask any questions and to give us the chance to see if therapist and client are a good match.

Our CVI Family at the Seaside!

CVI stands for Cerebral Visual Impairment and it is the closest diagnosis we can find to the experience of ambient colour sensitivity that my son and I have.

To avoid brightness, UV and business, we decided to leave for the seaside at 8:00 am and as the sea is quite close to us, by 8:45 we found ourselves walking down the seafront of the popular Dorset town of Lyme Regis.

Previously I had carefully packed 3 rucksacks with cameras, binoculars, snacks and drinks and chosen the right colour coat for myself to wear on that day. Also I had to choose some combination of hat and brim to keep out the brightness and UV. My son was in his usual grey, and I was in my usual white bamboo trousers plus pink coat and the hat of the day which happened to be purple. My husband was in his usual blue shorts and white t-shirt. He would wear colour and pattern if we could only manage it.

We have 3 seats in the front of our car (an old Honda FRV) and my son sat with his phone and headphones listening to his techno music to block out the sound of the engine and the wheels on the road. I sat trying on tinted glasses to find the optimum pair for that day and my husband concentrated on driving!

When we reached Lyme Regis we went to our usual carpark and parked under our shady tree. We got out of the car and my son asked for his No.3 tints and I put a sunhat on his head. He went straight to find his camera (a big old DSLR one.) He put the strap over his head and straight away was taking a picture of two seagulls on a roof near to where we had parked. It was the sort of picture most people would miss, not thinking it was exciting enough. But not Luca. He finds the pictures others don’t see.

We paid for the carpark and then walked down the steep hill into Lyme town. I was commenting on how pleased I was with my new pink ski jacket. Yes, it was about 17 degrees and I was wearing a ski jacket! Temperature is not something I process easily. We walked down to the front and on a big wall from where we could see the whole beach laid out before us, I started to unpack my glasses! I had some prescription glasses, some purple glasses with prescription, and three different sets of polarising glasses. I was desperately looking for polarising glasses with the correct tint because I had realised that I couldn’t look at the colour or the movement of the sea. My son was becoming impatient wanting to move on but I knew I had to either find the right glasses or filter out the sea somehow. Having come to the seaside, that thought was depressing so I dug deeper into my bag. And I found a pair of pinkish purple polarising glasses. I put them on and Ahhhh, I could breathe! Everything just went calm and I looked at the sea and it had transformed from ugly and angry to beautiful and tranquil . Now I stood a chance of enjoying the rest of our trip.

Next I knew I mustn’t lose control of things when it comes to Luca. He has limited energy when we are out and if we walk too far, he might not have the energy to get home. We walked along the seafront and there were more seagull pictures to take. And Luca has a particularly clever way of tracking them and and keeping them in focus as they move across the sky. Everyone was happy . .

My husband has a way of being drawn towards the Cob that juts out into the sea, like a bee to a honey pot. But this always means a longer walk and always means going through the business and clutter to get there. Suddenly there is sand and cafes and lots of people, meaning lots of clutter, noise and smells. And yes, once again we found ourselves drawn towards the Cob. And once more I wasn’t happy! I started walking faster which is always code for ‘I want to get out of here quickly!’ so we found a quiet side street and I immediately felt that I could breathe again. And there on a wall nestled between the rooves was a seagull’s nest with a parent looking after their young, so my son was happy now too!

So what was next? Hunger, of course. I suddenly realised I needed a snack so we headed down to the pebbles as my son doesn’t like the sand and, as I said, the beach was too busy. We spread out our picnic blanket and I got out my sandwich. My husband got out his little pack of Nairn’s chocolate oat biscuits. Then my son said “You can’t eat those!” He doesn’t like the smell of chocolate or strawberry jam. I looked around and you could see beach for a good quarter of a mile in both directions! “Can’t Luca move from the smell?” I wondered. I broached the subject but he said he was tired and he had nothing to sit on. And also that he wouldn’t eat his sandwich on the beach because last time he was harassed by a seagull! So our snack became a quick bite and then we needed to find shade away from the beach. By now moods were lowering and I was feeling disappointed. Why hadn’t I thought to bring 2 picnic blankets?

By the time we had walked to the top of the park that backs onto the beach and found some shade, the day was getting hot and the UV levels were getting higher. I was starting to feel the affects of the light spectrum in my nervous system, especially my hands and arms. Now I just wanted to get home. We had been out too long. We had walked a little too far. We had got a little too hot and there was a little too much visual clutter. We quickly found our escape route from Lyme – a pretty alley-way between cottages that leads nearly back to the carpark. On the way, I managed to share my disappointment and receive some solace from my trusty team. At the end of the alley-way, there was just one more hill to climb – the steep one we had so happily come down on our way into the town. This was one too many hills for my son.

Having made it back to the carpark, the car was nice and cool. It was 10:3o am. Lots of people were arriving for their day at the beach and we were glad to be going home from our hour at the beach! We started the drive home. My son said “That was good. It was a bit difficult but I think it was worth it!” That was all I needed to hear! I breathed a sigh of relief.

Living with CVI is one challenge after another. And just when you think you have completed all the trouble shooting you need to do, something changes. It could be the season, weather, or time of day all affecting how you perceive the colours, line, shape, edges and movement around you. In fact you have no constants. When you have ambient colour sensitivity, your only constant is change.

To read more about living with ambient colour sensitivity – a type of CVI – please take a look at my book.

What Definition Are You Seeing the World In?

When we perceive more blue light than red light, we see the world in higher definition.

When we perceive more red light than blue light, we see the world in lower definition.

When we see in high definition we can feel separate and lonely. We can find it hard to gather and maintain our energy. We can find it hard to drink in from the world and feel part of the world.

When we see in low definition, we can feel that everything is a bit too blended. Life doesn’t draw us in and we can’t quite get hold of things. We can feel tired, apathetic, depressed, as if we have no clear use or purpose.

Look at the photograph at the top. Do you want to walk into the picture and pick up the marble or do you feel you can’t reach it or do you feel oblivious?

If you feel you can’t reach it, you may not perceive enough blue light today.

If you feel oblivious, you may not perceive enough red light today.

If you want to pick it up, then you are just fine the way you are!

I Prescribe my Own Glasses!

Having spectral sensitivity, I constantly feel that my vision is compromised. I have tried working with coloured tints but find that a pair of tints only works for a short time. When the light changes, they no longer work. This year I had not tints that worked from July to September so I decided to return to considering my prescription glasses.

Over the years I have been to the optician’s and have received a number of different prescriptions. I decided to scrutinise these. One said I have astigmatism in my left eye, another in my right, another in both eyes. Opticians have disagreed over the severity of my astigmatism and then one optician identified a squint. I looked at my prescriptions and wondered what I should do.

I had noticed previously that when when I wore glasses, the shape the frames made always felt like a rectangle going smaller over my right eye. I wondered why this was but guessed it was just the best I could do with glasses. However now since reconsidering, I feel pretty sure this happens when my squint comes into operation. Next I thought about my astigmatism. I like working with charts on my computer which are always in grids, and it is obvious when my astigmatism is a problem. I can no longer manage the grids.

My astigmatism and squint symptoms are definitely seasonal. They change with the changing light. So I decided to observe my symptoms as the year progresses, create my own prescriptions and buy cheap experimental glasses online.

So far I bought some glasses for my astigmatism in September (0.25 strength in both eyes) and they worked! Then they stopped working at the end of September and I had no glasses again. I happened to have another pair with a 0.25 in one lens so I played around with 0.5 strength by covering my eye with 2 lenses at the same time. I could see this was good so I bought a pair of 0.5’s. They are working into October in the mornings. Once the light gets brighter around lunch time, I need something else. I dared to buy some low strength astigmatism glasses with a prism (as prescribed by one of my opticians). These work great when the light is bright. In fact, I am wearing them now and my binocular vision is so good that I am able to write a blog post in October. Previously I haven’t been able to do this.

As the year develops, I will continue to observe my vision and prescribe myself any other glasses I think I need.

When my vision is compromised, I struggle with focus, tracking and scanning between distances. I have very good visual acuity and these symptoms are all very subtle. However, due to my sensitivity, these symptoms are enough to stop me in my tracks! I struggle to focus on daily activities, I struggle to read comfortably and to plan ahead, and I struggle to think outside of the box, analyse, assess and see things from another’s perspective. I feel like I am stuck, living only in one dimension and unable to move.

I Have to Wear White!

My son, who is 12 will only wear grey. And I will happily and confidently say “My son will only wear grey soft clothes – no waist bands, no pockets, no collars, no buttons.” I don’t flinch as I say these words.

Then this year I have learnt that I need to wear white soft clothes. I need to block UV, wearing bamboo clothing. And this clothing only comes in black, grey and white. I can’t wear black or grey so I have to wear white.

The other reason I have to wear white is because I am colour sensitive and most colours don’t make sense to my brain. I see them, I even appreciate them, but they don’t make sense. So even when I don’t need to block UV, I still wear white.

When outside I can wear pink or pinkish purple shoes and coats and a blue hat but that is it. I mostly wear pinkish shoes, a white hat with a piece to cover my neck and a purple scarf. I feel conspicuous, strange, eccentric. I feel like people may think I am trying to make a statement when I am only trying to make myself feel comfortable.

What do I boldly say about my son – “He will only wear grey.”

What should I boldly say about myself? – “I will only wear white.”

How come we find it easier to let children off the hook for being different but when it comes to adults we tend to move into judgement? As adults we have more conditioning to undo. It is a tougher ride but being ourselves, no matter how different we feel, is the only path to real freedom . . . and I, for one, have chosen to walk that path.

Are you worried about feeling different? Is there anything blocking you from being your real self? I would love to hear your stories. Please comment below.

The Wonder of My UV Blocking Clothes!

Every year right in the middle of the year, my light sensitivity symptoms become more severe than usual. I start to feel that I am constantly overheating especially if I go outside on a sunny day. And even if I stay inside, I feel that something too powerful for me is coming in through the window. I avoid standing less than a couple of metres from a window if I can do this, or I shut the curtains. It is not just the heat feelings. I also feel agitated, nervous and have digestive issues.

This year I started to look into the idea of UV blocking things. I started with a UV blocking umbrella which I used in the garden on a sunny day. I noticed I felt more calm and no heat problem as I would usually get. I didn’t suddenly need to run inside. I lingered and felt that I could think straight and actually have a conversation. Pleased with my findings, the next thing I bought was a UV blocking beach tent. It hasn’t had much use yet but I know it has potential. Needing a larger space, I then bought a UV blocking gazebo (as in the picture). We had a simple white gazebo before but somehow the idea of it was always a lot more pleasant than actually using it! I would immediately feel my symptoms worsen as I stepped into it but I didn’t know why. With our new gazebo, the temperature is about 5 degrees lower than in our last one and the light, heat and UV is reflected. I have been drawn to sit in this gazebo on some sunny days and found the experience very pleasant.

So now I had my experience outside all sorted out, I needed to work on my experience inside. I would walk into to a room in the middle of summer and not really know what to do with myself – the symptoms were so unpleasant. So we bought some UV blocking window tint and had moderate success and stress trying to apply it to a couple of windows! It made an immediate difference and makes what I see through the window appear softer without losing any of its life. The tint I chose is very light – the sort they use in museums to stop paintings and other artefacts from fading. We plan to tint the windows throughout our whole house now.

So this brings me to . . .the wonder of UV blocking clothing! First of all I read about it, and the articles I found suggested it was a bit of a gimmick. They said that all you need to wear to block UV is fabric with a fine weave, and dark is best. Well, I had nothing to lose by trying some so I bought myself a white UV blocking top. It was a high UV day when I tried it on. I was struggling to use my computer one afternoon and I have a pop up office downstairs where I sit about 2 metes away from a window. I put on my new top and instantly felt better. I felt less hot and more calm. I usually wash things before I wear them when they are new but once it was on, I wouldn’t take it off! I didn’t take it off until bed time and then it was straight on again in the morning!

Next I bought myself UV blocking trousers. Now I wasn’t sure about wearing white trousers but being colour sensitive I can’t wear black or grey, and colours were limited. When they arrived I gave them a disdainful glance and left them in the box for a week or so! Then one day I was sitting at my computer with my usual mild stabby pains in my gut and thought, “maybe I do need to wear UV blocking trousers. Maybe I could eliminate a few more symptoms.” So I put them on and they were wonderfully comfortable and as with the top, I immediately felt my symptoms improve, and wouldn’t take them off! I felt more grounded and present in my legs and my gut felt more calm.

Now I wear UV blocking clothes most of the time. My theory is that because I experience the spectrum as imbalanced, UV is affecting me more than others. It is particularly problematic on days when I don’t perceive enough red light. And I don’t think it will just be in the summer because I have always had unpleasant symptoms all year round.

And this is the wonder of my UV blocking clothes!

My Light Sensitive Son – A Poem

My son was 12 and super sensitive to the light. The only thing I could do was to try to identify who he is and what he needs at different times of the year.

He would like you to know that he is now nearly 14 and this year discovered glasses to help his short sight and also dark tints to wear in the brighter light. His life has been transformed. He can engage with life and the world in a much deeper way, However his visual processing issues still mean that he finds activities challenging and tiring that others find easy and not tiring at all.

My Son

In January he comes to find me,
In February we like to write.
In March he likes to play outside
But by April he is nowhere in sight.
In May he shuts his curtains
And programmes his way through the day.
In June he hardly speaks,
Only Unity, C Sharp all day.
In July he likes late night picnics
And will go to the beach or the park.
In August he goes on badger hunts,
Wearing his torch after dark
In September the garden is spooky,
In October the leaves are too red,
In November he asks to do music
Now the rhythms make sense in his head.
In December he does animation
Because he can now think straight.
He creates the most heart warming stories;
It was definitely worth the wait!

I Really Feel I am Out When I am In and In When I am Out!

Someone asked me yesterday, the first thing I would do when we come out of lock-down. And, surprisingly, I couldn’t think of anything!

I always feel ‘out’ because it is about having an outward feeling.

I feel like I am ‘out’ when I look out of the window and notice the changing light and seasons.

I feel like I am ‘out’ when I connect with people all across the world through my writing – ideas and thoughts that come to me in the moment.

I feel like I am ‘out’ when I connect through my music – again in the moment – that little piece of inspiration unique to me – that I choose to share with others.

I feel like I am ‘out’ when I connect with others by phone, skype or e-mail.

I feel like I am ‘out’ when I help people find their voice from the cosiness of my dining-room.

When I go to the beach on a sunny day I don’t feel more out than all of the above . . or I might even feel more in! I can be surrounded by loads of people but never exchange a smile or a word. I feel more ‘out’ speaking today, sharing a little piece of my heart with you.