Today we went for a walk with our ten year old son. We went to a beautiful park where there were walk ways and water and ducks and lots of lovely places to scoot. I was in a very ‘connecting’ mood and pretty happy as long as everyone was living on a feeling level!
We were just on our way back to the car when we discovered a new piece of path. There were brick walls either side and it was like an old railway embankment. The walls weren’t straight though. They were leaning backwards at about a 10 degree angle. As soon as I stepped onto this path. I felt discomfort. Where had my happy, secure feelings gone? I told myself it was just a bit of new path – something to get excited by, not scared of. However the feelings continued. I just didn’t like the brick walls. I think it was the angle that disturbed me. My brain just couldn’t seem to process what my eyes were seeing. My chest felt tight and my energy felt displaced. I really didn’t want to continue but my son was so happy scooting and my husband so happy exploring that I did. The only way out at the end of the path was a gate to a very busy road so we turned round and came back. This time I didn’t look at the walls. I just looked at the ground in front of me and although I felt restricted, I felt so much better.
Now at home writing this 2 hours later I am still processing my experience of the walls. When I was there my chest was tight. When I was driving home the tightness moved to my lower back. Now it is as if the feeling is trying to move out through my hips.
5 Minutes Later . . .
Amazingly when I looked for pictures to go with this post and I found the one above, the pain cleared from my hips and I felt I could breathe again. Part of me didn’t want to look at the picture but part of me found it healing. it was somehow a relief to see the big picture of the sloping wall. I could now see at as part of the overall environment that it is rooted in. My brain at last could make sense of what my eyes had seen and my body could relax.
Thought . . .
We can spend a lot time focusing on every little detail of our life and trying to make it whole. However when we see the big picture we can relax and trust that although the details don’t seem to add up, wholeness can still be present.
So . . . wholeness isn’t dependent on every little detail being correct Keep looking at the big picture and a feeling a wholeness may surprise you!