You know that feeling when you keep doing all the little things so you can get to that one big thing you really want do, and then when you get there, all your energy has gone to do it? I have that a lot!
This makes me feel disappointed and confused and more than that . . . scared – scared that because I have done all the small things I might now have NOTHING TO DO!
I think to myself ‘How can I have nothing to do? I work, I am married, I have a son. How irresponsible of me to think this could even be possible!’
But I checked in today to see if I could any more networking, story telling or advertising for my work and nothing came to me. I checked in to see if I could do any more home improvements or buy any more things we need and nothing came to me. I checked in to see if I needed to think of some place to go or some people to see or some games to buy as a family and nothing came to me!
Oooo, I thought. That is strange. I think I have nothing to do!
I had a picture in my head. I was about 16 and I was with my friend. We were cycle youth hostelling round mid Wales. We had cycled to the top of the moors, climbed over a gate into a field and lay in the sun – just happy. We could see where we had to cycle next but nothing was going to move us at the moment. I do remember thinking about my life because I was just about to take my O Levels (GCSE’s) and had no idea what I wanted to do after that. But in that moment I wasn’t worried because I had nothing to do except lie in the sunny field.
I haven’t had that feeling for such a long time but I had it this morning briefly. Then very quickly it was taken away by the sudden inspiration I had to write this post. And I found myself ‘doing’ once more!
But alongside my folders on my computer full of things to remind me to do my work, look after my home and my family, I have added a folder called ‘Nothing to Do!’ It makes me smile when I see it there. And I may even choose to open that folder now on a day when I could be opening a ‘to do’ folder. I don’t have to do the small things to get to the big thing. The big thing may have gone by the time I get there but the ‘Nothing to Do’ folder will never disappoint!