I have had a hec of a Christmas!
Nearly every year I suffer with jaw pain at Christmas. It usually starts three weeks before Christmas and builds to some sort of crescendo around Christmas Day! Over the year I have named it Christmasitis!
And this year I planned an easy, no pressure, cosy little family Christmas. So how could it all go so wrong?
Because . . . I can only connect with myself in any moment of time and that means I could feel anything. I might feel quiet, feisty, inspired, introspective, active, inactive, sociable or more insular. I might feel any way on Christmas Day!
And. . . I can’t pretend and I can’t act.
This year I was enjoying my simple, cosy little family Christmas in the first instance . . .or was I? I seem to remember in the morning I tidied out the entire games cupboard. I was deciding which coloured games were good for me at this time of year (as you do, or rather, as most people don’t do!) Then I remember having a little strop about having too many boxes in the hall and pleading with my husband to take some of them to the garage or put them in the loft! But oh no! It was Christmas Day – How dare I have a little strop?!
By 2:00 my jaw pain was starting to develop on the right side of my face so I took some pain killers. By tea time I absolutely couldn’t eat. I didn’t sleep that night, took more pain killers and the next day phoned the out of hours dentist. He suggested it could be a tooth infection or a sinus infection. We spent Boxing Day going to town for some antibiotics.
The thing is . . . I don’t really think I have an infection but I have never taken so many tablets in a couple of days. Usually I am wary when it comes to pain killers. But this time the pain has been different. It has been a deep emotional pain and at times I have cried real deep tears. I have just been willing to do anything to numb the terrible pain. But it isn’t really going and that is why I am writing this.
Because . . . It is OK to be myself, it is to ask for my needs and it is OK to speak my truth – on any day of the year! (even if it’s Christmas!)