The night before last I was woken by the glare from my duvet . . yes, the glare from my duvet! And when I say ‘woken’ I don’t mean I lay there and thought ‘Hmm, my duvet is bright tonight!’ No, my heart was beating like it would beat out of my chest, my abdomen went tight and I felt like my very life-force was being wrung out of me. This isn’t a one-off occurence. This has been happening every night for 8 years and I have called these happenings ‘night panics.’
Last night, I thought I would investigate more so I started by having a darker duvet. This would seem like an obvious solution except it wasn’t. I went to sleep feeling the duvet was fine but woke with a similar experience to the night before but this time felt convinced that the duvet was ‘too dark!’. I felt like I was being pulled into the darkness and threw the duvet back and tried to get it out of my line of vision.
I am learning that the solution to my ‘night panics’ is all about trying to find the right kind of luminescence. When the night is clear I need a brighter duvet cover and when the night is cloudy I need a bit less luminescence. If the cloud is thick then I need a dark duvet. It seems that although the cloud my prevent light from the moon, it has it’s own light and this even varies depending on the colour of the cloud. I find the same thing in the day time. The brighter the day the more luminescent my clothing needs to be so now I tend to wear white tops on sunny days and darker tops on cloudy days.
I don’t fully understand this unusual experience of mine except I am aware that one of my eyes is sensitive to both light and dark. It is always telling me something is too light, bright or dark. And my brain becomes confused. I am also aware that I experience energy in colour and where others my choose clothes that look nice and are on trend, I am always looking for a feeling of energy – life, a vibrancy – and I seem to always find it hiding in the right kind of luminescence!