Being a Highly Sensitive Person mean a lot more than over-response to stimuli. It even means more than having a highly wired nervous system. It really means that soul is more important to us than anything else.
It is taking me years to come to terms with this aspect of myself. My general feeling is one of awkwardness. I can really look forward to seeing a friend but then when I see them I feel awkward.It may be a day when I feel more inward so I feel awkward that I can’t be more outward. It may be a day when I feel more outward but I still feel awkward because I lose by sense of boundaries regarding intimacy. I have all this energy that I’m not sure it is safe to express or I am not sure if I’ll have the opportunity to express it. Then there is the possibility that my friend could say something to quench this energy and I will no longer feel it. If this happens I will have to continue the encounter feeling lack lustre and my friend may think I don’t care.
I feel awkward wherever I am apart from at home with my husband and son. I feel awkward in a town, at the park, at a party, in a family gathering, with a friend, in a public meeting, in a library – just about everywhere you can think of. I don’t feel awkward at the dentist funnily enough. Here I can be sensitive, scared and real and that’s it! I can be my authentic self, I can receive comfort and I can listen to my dentist’s funny stories or I can switch off from them and nobody knows!
I watch my sensitive son as he grows up and he is eight this week. He still twirls when he speaks and leaps all over the furniture (although I am stopping the furniture bit now!) He flaps his shirt when he gets excited and sometimes is just too impassioned or too engaged with what he is thinking about or saying to engage with eye contact. He is just highly sensitive like me. So today I took a leaf from his book. Whilst speaking to a friend I allowed myself to move a little and fidget and look away when I wanted to and it really felt good! I no longer felt awkward!
I think if children don’t have to twirl all day then we should teach them some self control but there is definitely something in the twirling. We are saying:-
“We are free, we can move, we can like or not like, we can be close and we can draw away, we can be intense, we can be bored, but most all we feel there is something more going on, something deeper than the conversation we are having right now and we are trying to pay attention to it and to you. We are trying to pay attention to our soul.”