For as long as I remember I don’t feel like I’ve had an independent bone in my body! But instinctively I have known that I cannot force myself to be independent. I have barely felt safe living under other people’s wings so I was hardly going to force myself out of the nest! Although perhaps in my late teens and early twenties I did try to fly by myself but found quite quickly that my wings weren’t strong enough to keep me air-borne.
Sometimes in my life I haven’t been able to find a wing to shelter under and those have been my lonely times. I know God’s wing was always there but I wanted a tangible physical wing. At other times I found someone who will kindly let me shelter under their wing for a while. These people have often been therapists. Some have been happy to shelter me and others have been intent on keeping me at wing’s length (!) lest I get too close and need them too much.
Interestingly even if I have found a nice warm wing and haven’t been turfed out I have always known when it is no longer right for me to hide here. I have walked away myself often with no other place to go – just some faith in my heart that I will find safety one day.
When I met the man who is now my husband I didn’t marry him for his wings! I was partly drawn to him because I knew he would help me find my own. And I knew this was the most precious gift anyone could give to me. Although I have relied on him like crazy I have known that one day I will learn to fly